Lists with a twist!

ivan_2068 wrote: imagine the situation if one member sayd I love Genesis and after that 45 answers saying I love them too.  Iván

I love them too!

IMHO is a respect formula for the rest of the members from a person who knows his opinion is not the only truth.

Respect, a word that is not part of your dictionary.

Iván 

maani wrote: Larger Bowl: Greetings.  I have been following your "dialogue" (a nice word...) with Ivan.  and although Ivan has a tendency to be literal, direct and "serious" in his debates, in the months that I have "known" him, he has never once "meanly" denigrated any other members' tastes or opinions, much less insulted anyone or called them names.  Even his reference to your typo, while perhaps unnecessary, hardly rises to the level of "personal attack." On the other hand, you have resorted to insults to a degree that simply will not be tolerated on Progarchives. Therefore, if you can't "play nice," you will be ejected from the sandbox... And at the risk of sounding "imperious," this will be your only warning... Peace.

i dont understand what my crime is. I gave my opinion about certain albums and got a very patronising lecture and a spurious reference to a mis-spelling and I became the bad guy.  I have been given no respect for my views, however contentious, from this person. At the risk of sounding "imperious"

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Dude, he was just attempting to discuss your view on the album, and you exploded and started insulting him.

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I'll get me coat.......................

threefates wrote: Don't leave, Bowl... just develop a thicker skin...

Rhino what you're talking about.

Larger Bowl:

Actually, your "history" is incorrect.  I went over the entire thread and found the following with respect to posts relevant to this issue:

Ivan offered three posts on 8/23; you had not posted yet.

Reed Lover posted twice on 8/24.

Ivan posted on 8/24 in response to Reed Lover's post.

You posted for the first time on 8/25, and immediately accused Ivan of a "po-faced attitude" and he and other members of being "nerds."  Not exactly "fighting words" perhaps, but unnecessary insults nonetheless.  Thus, from your very first post, you were inappropriately rude and inconsiderate.

James Lee posted on 8/25, making the first reference to your typo.  His exact words were, "nonesense - no matter how you spell it."  This hardly rises to the level of a "personal attack."

On 8/26, Ivan posted in response to your first post.  His post was a "proper" - if serious direct and debative - response to your comments; i.e., it contained no "ill will," insults or invective.  He did make the second reference to your typo - a reference which actually casts it aside as irrelevant.  Thus, not only did he not "attack" you for it, he was specifically setting it aside from all the comments that the two of you had made back and forth up to that point.

On 8/28, you posted your second post, in response to Ivan.  You state, "You are the second to mention my typo."  Your use of the word "mention" belies your post facto "indignation" at it, and your accusations of "personal attack."  In that post, you also resort to yet more name-calling: "pretentious-sounding nerd."  Again, perhaps not "fighting words," but completely inappropriate nonetheless.

On 8/28, Ivan responded to you.  Here, for the the first time - and not unjustifiably, given your prior posts - he responded with impatience and annoyance.

On 8/29, Ivan responded to a post by Zappa 123.

On 8/29, you posted, claiming "personal attack," and calling Ivan a "brain-dead moron."  Yet, as noted above, you had never been "personally attacked."  Still you resorted to unnecessary and inappropriate insults.

On 8/29, Ivan responded to you regarding his use of the phrase (or acronym) "in my humble opinion," and your mean-spirited comment in that regard in your 8/29 post.  Note that many people use that phrase or its acronym.  Yet no one has  ever "taken issue" with it before.  He also made an appropriate comment re "respect."

On 8/29, I posted my warning to you.

On 8/29, you posted a response, claiming that you had "given my opinion about certain albums and got a very patronizing lecture."  Yet your very first post contained a personal insult to Ivan, and a generalized insult to the members.  Nor was Ivan's post a "lecture," nor was his post "patronizing"; having read it three times now, I repeat that it is direct and "debative," if admittedly somewhat humorless.  But lack of humor does not equal "patronizing."  You also claim that you have been given "no respect for my views."  Based on my reading of the entire thread, I must disagree.  And yet, even were you correct, what do you expect, when your very first post contains both individual and personal insults?

You came into this thread like a bull in a china shop, with a bad attitude, hurling insults and mean-spiritedness.  The written word does not lie: indeed, I invite everyone to re-read the thread and see whether my interpretation is correct.

You are more than welcome to stay.  Heck, we hate to lose members - much less eject them - even when they are "borderline cases" (right, velvetclown? )  I don't think it's a matter of growing a "thicker skin."  I think you simply need to take a few deep breaths, maybe just "listen" to a few debates and see how various people approach them (thus learning a little about various members), and then participate in a way that is more appropriate, and does not require resorting to insult, negativity or mean-spiritedness.  This does not mean you have to be "dainty" or "walk on eggshells" or watch what you say.  There is plenty of gray area: it is all in your approach, and how you present yourself.  If you think something you are saying might be misinterpreted, use some of the emoticons to "soften" it: everyone else does (I just did), and none of us thinks of this as "dainty"; indeed, it can go a long way to preventing just the type of situation we have here.

Give it some thought.

Peace.