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Textbook 
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 3281
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 Topic: Prog Hell
Posted: December 07 2010 at 01:12 |
When you die and go to that special section of Tartarus reserved for wayward prog rockers, what do you think are some of the unpleasant torments that might await us?
Some of my ideas:
-Having to play the bass part forever in an infinite loop of Gazpacho's Dream Of Stone.
-Teaching a kindergarten class all-harmonica orchestra Octavarium.
-Being asked to produce a Crazy Frog disc of Return To Forever remixes.
-Being the warm-up guy at Anathema concerts, having to tell a few jokes and so on at intermission.
-Helping Ian Anderson ghost write the novel length version of The Hare Who Lost His Spectacles.
-Joining Epica only to find out that Simone Simons has been replaced with Susan Boyle.
-A record company asks you to prepare 2 CD Frank Zappa retrospective, though you really really think he needs 3. After much struggle you eventually have a 2 CD set. Just before you present your tracklist, they tell you it's been downscaled to just a single disc so could you please resort it.
-Interviewing John Myung.
-Being hired as road crew on the Pink Floyd reunion tour and finding out your sole task is to ferry written notes between Gilmour and Waters rooms at hotels on the opposite side of every town you go to.
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JJLehto
Prog Reviewer
Joined: April 05 2006
Location: Tallahassee, FL
Status: Offline
Points: 34550
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Posted: December 07 2010 at 01:20 |
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Pop music 24/7 obviously.
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Triceratopsoil
Forum Senior Member
Joined: April 03 2010
Location: Canada
Status: Offline
Points: 18016
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Posted: December 07 2010 at 01:24 |
 Textbook wrote:
-Helping Ian Anderson ghost write the novel length version of The Hare Who Lost His Spectacles.
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you kidding? that would be awesome!
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Any Colour You Like
Prog Reviewer
Joined: May 15 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 12294
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Posted: December 07 2010 at 01:27 |
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My workplace... christmas songs punctuated by bouts of Miley Cyrus and "classic pop hits".
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Triceratopsoil
Forum Senior Member
Joined: April 03 2010
Location: Canada
Status: Offline
Points: 18016
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Posted: December 07 2010 at 01:30 |
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speaking of that, someone should make a combo "Christmas medley/prog epic"
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Textbook
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 3281
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Posted: December 07 2010 at 01:43 |
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Geddy Lee decides he wants to sing in a Mikael Akerfeldt death growl style for the next Rush album and hires you to be his vocal coach.
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Textbook
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 3281
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Posted: December 07 2010 at 01:50 |
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You have to transcribe Blotted Science by hand while riding a camel.
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JJLehto
Prog Reviewer
Joined: April 05 2006
Location: Tallahassee, FL
Status: Offline
Points: 34550
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Posted: December 07 2010 at 01:51 |
Textbook wrote:
Geddy Lee decides he wants to sing in a Mikael Akerfeldt death growl style for the next Rush album and hires you to be his vocal coach. |
Everything about that fills me with happy.
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Any Colour You Like
Prog Reviewer
Joined: May 15 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 12294
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Posted: December 07 2010 at 02:00 |
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You have to ask Robert Fripp permission to use "health food fa****" as a sample on a new beer advert.
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Billy Pilgrim
Forum Senior Member
Joined: September 28 2010
Location: Austin
Status: Offline
Points: 1505
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Posted: December 07 2010 at 02:04 |
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Haha, this cracked me up textbook. Specially the Geddy Lee one, and the Pink Floyd one.
How about being commissioned to create a new religion based off Jon Anderson's lyrics.
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AtomicCrimsonRush
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: July 02 2008
Location: Australia
Status: Offline
Points: 14258
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Posted: December 07 2010 at 03:46 |
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Listening to the entire collection of..... (you fill in the blank)
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Textbook
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 3281
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Posted: December 07 2010 at 03:59 |
The label hires you to produce the new Peter Hamil album, on the condition that you will persuade him to include three 3 minute radio friendly singles, one of them featuring T Pain.
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The Sleepwalker
Prog Reviewer
Joined: February 03 2009
Location: The Netherlands
Status: Offline
Points: 15141
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Posted: December 07 2010 at 09:59 |
AtomicCrimsonRush wrote:
Listening to the entire collection of..... (you fill in the blank) |
King Crimson?
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Jörgemeister
Forum Senior Member
Joined: February 10 2008
Location: Nauticus
Status: Offline
Points: 2296
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Posted: December 07 2010 at 10:04 |
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Being asked to include bjork in the archiives ... oh wait
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DisgruntledPorcupine
Forum Senior Member
Joined: January 16 2010
Location: Thunder Bay CAN
Status: Offline
Points: 4395
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Posted: December 07 2010 at 11:23 |
The Hare one and the John Myung one are awesome. 
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Textbook
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 3281
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Posted: December 07 2010 at 13:53 |
You are Keith Emerson. It is the opening night of the final Emerson, Lake and Palmer tour and you are playing to a capacity crowd of 20,000. They said it wouldn't happen. They said ELP was over. But you, Carl and Greg, have shed the pounds, got back in shapes, patched things up personally, played a few secret fan club gigs in small venues to reconnect with people and you've even started to write new material to give ELP the final album they deserve. The rehearsals have gone brilliantly. You're not as energetic as you once were but there's a level of emotional maturity and technical precision that wasn't there before and brings many of the old songs to a new level. Members of the press who attended the preview gigs were astonished, writing breathless reviews about how ELP bring back a level of playing not seen for years, urging people to attend this last chance to see the legendary act- in fact you can't remember ever getting better treatment. You've even been able to joke together at a press conference about the Love Beach cover art.
Show time. You take your place on the stage and a hand pushes the fourth keyboard bank in behind you, sealing you into your place of wonder. Keyboards on all side, all painstakingly configured to the right arrangements. You flex your fingers as the lights go up, itching to play the crowd roars as the announcer states "And now. Ladies and gentlemen. On the first night of their final tour. The legendary. Emerson! Lake! And PALMER!"
The spotlight comes on you as you set into the dazzling solo you have prepared to open the show. Your fingers slam onto the keys for the first powerful chord. Then, just when they're expecting for you to hold it a little longer, when they least expect it, your fingers are instantly dancing all over the keys in ways people didn't think possible. You imagine Jordan Rudess watching from the VIP area in tears. You can hear the music spiralling and cascading impossibly fast and incredibly sweet almost as if it's coming from inside your head. The crowd have barely reacted, so mesmerised they must be by what you are doing. In fact you are so lost in the moment that it takes a little while for the growing laughter from the crowd to draw your attention to the fact that you have forgotten to switch your keyboard on.
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Triceratopsoil
Forum Senior Member
Joined: April 03 2010
Location: Canada
Status: Offline
Points: 18016
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Posted: December 07 2010 at 17:42 |
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loooool
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zappaholic
Forum Senior Member
Joined: March 24 2006
Location: flyover country
Status: Offline
Points: 2822
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Posted: December 07 2010 at 18:34 |
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Jersey Shore rock opera. Nuff said.
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"Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard." -- H.L. Mencken
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Textbook
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 3281
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Posted: December 07 2010 at 20:04 |
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Your lifelong dream is to see the Mahavishnu Orchestra live and when you finally do, they open their set with Turkey In The Straw.
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Tychovski
Forum Senior Member
Joined: July 19 2004
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 249
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Posted: December 07 2010 at 20:14 |
zappaholic wrote:
Jersey Shore rock opera. Nuff said.
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Snooki can you hear me?
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Everyone knows rock attained perfection in 1974, it's a scientific fact.
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Prog Hell
