Feedback on a song please.

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   I'm yet another guitar player, been doing folk for awhile after doing prog/metal in my younger years. The following home recording is an attempt at blending the two. Let me know your thoughts.

BTW, every other songwriters site I've shared this song with has hated the dissonance of the solo, but I can't let it go. Thought some here might actually like it.

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=6827485

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Negoba Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Prog Reviewer Joined: July 24 2008 Location: Big Muddy Status: Offline Points: 5208	Topic: Feedback on a song please. Posted: October 23 2008 at 13:54
	I'm yet another guitar player, been doing folk for awhile after doing prog/metal in my younger years. The following home recording is an attempt at blending the two. Let me know your thoughts. BTW, every other songwriters site I've shared this song with has hated the dissonance of the solo, but I can't let it go. Thought some here might actually like it. http://soundclick.com/share?songid=6827485
	You are quite a fine person, and I am very fond of you. But you are only quite a little fellow, in a wide world, after all.

cobb2 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Forum Senior Member Joined: November 25 2007 Location: Australia Status: Offline Points: 415	Posted: October 23 2008 at 20:28
	Good work- nice mix. Excellent accoustic work. Nice little section around the 3:40 mark. This could be expanded a little, as it ended too soon. I'll get back to you on the electric lead. I'm not sure whether purposely going out of key is good or bad... Apart from that, the lead was very clean and well executed. Tommy Iommi once said you must play what's in your soul- advice that hasn't treated him too badly over the years.

Certif1ed Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Special Collaborator Honorary Collaborator Joined: April 08 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 7559	Posted: October 24 2008 at 08:57
	Really nice mix - the only criticism I'd have is that the bass is a little boomy - but I'm a fine one to talk. Your voice reminds me a little of Peter Hammill, as does the music generally - is he an inspiration of yours? The reason that some of the dissonances don't work for me in the electric guitar solo is that I don't feel set up enough for them earlier in the piece - I can hear dissonances (or is that assonances, as they're not always harsh dischords!) in the main song body, but these merely disrupt the harmony a little and give an unsettled feeling, while the electric lead does, I have to agree, sound "wrong". I think that the generally major key feel sets the dischords into too sharp a relief - maybe if you made the harmony a bit more ambiguous then it could work better. At least, to my tastes... Maybe you could go fully atonal, and include some serial composition techniques in your work - the only band I've heard do that successfully is Shub Niggurath, who sadly limit it to the piano. It's a bit radical, though - it seems you're leaning towards a kind of Debussy-esque bitonality here, so maybe, as I said, make some of the harmony parts a bit more ambiguous - leave out the 3rd in some of the supporting chords, or replace it with a 2nd or 4th (or whack them up an octave for a jazzy-sounding 9th or 11th). Sounds good - keep 'em coming! Edited by Certif1ed - October 24 2008 at 08:57
	The important thing is not to stop questioning.

Negoba Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Prog Reviewer Joined: July 24 2008 Location: Big Muddy Status: Offline Points: 5208	Posted: October 24 2008 at 10:03
	Thanks so much to both of you for taking a serious listen. You guys are probably the best so far at hearing some of the things I'm going for in this song. I wanted the solo to stand out in tonality rather than technique and that it does, but even I agree as both of you said that it doesn't quite work in the context of the song as it sits now. I don't know if I have it in me to redo this one until I get into a band where we could actually perform this kind of music, and then of course there will be reworking anyway. However, I will definitely keep some of the ideas here in mind on my next work which may be instrumental. I've always wanted to emulate one of the greatest pieces ever: John Coltrane's "My Favorite Things" which so effectively goes from so simple to frenetic chaos and it all works. More practice to do.
	You are quite a fine person, and I am very fond of you. But you are only quite a little fellow, in a wide world, after all.

KuiperBelt74 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Forum Newbie Joined: October 31 2008 Location: Canada, Toronto Status: Offline Points: 2	Posted: October 31 2008 at 22:17
	Nice work, but like the other two posts guitar solo is a little too much. I know you are deliberately incorporating a dissonance into the song, however lingering on that note for too long sounds off. It might be possible to use dissonance, but don't put too much stress on it. Maybe as a passing note. But overall, must admitt lead is very smooth, sounds like you have been playing guitar for many years....

Negoba Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Reviewer page Prog Reviewer Joined: July 24 2008 Location: Big Muddy Status: Offline Points: 5208	Posted: November 03 2008 at 10:51
	Thanks Kuiper, yeah I've been playing for 'gasp' 20 years or more now. I listened again last night just on laptop speakers where the bass is pretty much killed and then the solo really stood out as more abrasive. I'll definitely be toning down the "outside" next song, and I suspect that this one will get some serious reworking at some time in the future. Appreciate the listen and time.
	You are quite a fine person, and I am very fond of you. But you are only quite a little fellow, in a wide world, after all.