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Logan 
Forum & Site Admin Group 
Site Admin Joined: April 05 2006 Location: Vancouver, BC Status: Offline Points: 36807 |
 Topic: Size matters -- a pro[g]boscis studyPosted: February 23 2007 at 11:33 |
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May I enlist your nasal circumspection on a matter of size with this sizable post?
I endeavour to correlate a certain male physical attribute with the size of a man's object of affection, or tool of the trade. My research seems to indicate that if a man of any IQ or profession feels lacking in one physical area, he will try to compensate by having, or working with large objects. Yes, it seems that size does matter -- a lot. Sure many men care about the size of their Hummers (I'd like a great hummer myself), but "size compensation" due to a perceived inadequacy is, of course, not limited to trucker types. Commonly, for example, paleontologists care about the size of their bones. Chicken farmers care about the size of their roosters (choked chook or not). Carpenters care about the size of their tools. Loggers care about the size of their logs *got wood?.* Astronauts care about the size of their rockets. Generals care about the size of their missiles, and Sergeants care about the size, or quantity, of their Privates. Pachydermologists, as well as travellers, care about the size of their trunks. Marine biologists care about the size of their whales, many Prog bands care about the size of their epics, Progheads care about the size of their collections, an organist cares about the size of his organ, and drummers care about the length of their sticks (which they commonly beat in long solo-sessions -- long live the epic drum solo). And there has been a disturbing trend of longer, and longer albums, with large amounts of noodling, by small- Specifically, I have a hypothesis that men who desire big objects, work big objects, or want to impress other men with big objects are, or worry about being "proboscically challenged". Note: Of course how you use it is as important as size, and even the daintiest of noses can be blown vigorously. I shall refer to the object of "appendage transference" (that being the nose) as a "proboscic symbol." Honker envy rears its ugly head all too often. Most men, I surmise, want long, big noses -- girth being an important factor as well as length.. One should be able to determine a standard object to nose ratio with the aid of a measuring tape, but I don't want stick my business into other people's noses else I get punched in the nose. Do you find that men with small noses like to ride in long limousines, drive big trucks etc. etc., and can such behavior be attributed to nasal inadequacy, or nasal envy? Proboscic Symbolism/ Imagery: Does proboscic symbolism and proboscis imagery abound? Is nasal representation exploited as a marketing/ selling tool?... Exhibit A: One heck of a honker.    
Now that's a honker! It's a famous Oscar Meyer wiener-mobile on a sausage run. Proboscic imagery? Sausages/ wieners could have been designed to resemble ears (auric symbolism one might say), but instead a long, sexy nose was chosen as the template. Why? Because it appeals to a man's nasal masculinity? Remove the wiener (which is acting as a nose substitute) and you emasculate the car. Exhibit B: Proboscis Extension  Alex deLarge (read Alex de I-Want-a-Bigger-Nose) dons a strap-on nose to aid the violent assertions of his masculinity. Feeling inadequate about his own nose-size, he perversely dons a Cyrano de Bergerac sized one (deLarge, de Bergerac, get it?) Cyrano is the ultimate man, and Pinocchio is the ultimate puppet. Exhibit C: PROGboscis Imagery    The art of nose: Hamster Theatre's album cover. Oh, and if you think size doesn't matter, tell that to Willy. Go Willy go! (just imagine how powerful that movie would have been if that whale was in actuality a really big nose).  "If only you could smell the things I've smelled with your nose" (a very Batty misquote). |
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Frasse
Forum Senior Member 
Joined: November 22 2004 Location: Sweden Status: Offline Points: 758 |
Posted: February 23 2007 at 11:44 |
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erm... Or should I choose the sixth alternative, even if I'm lying by doing so |
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Sean Trane
Special Collaborator
Prog Folk Joined: April 29 2004 Location: Heart of Europe Status: Online Points: 20387 |
Posted: February 23 2007 at 11:50 |
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Somebody find this man a band on the backlog list to enter in the database.
He's only got way too much time on his hands.
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let's just stay above the moral melee
prefer the sink to the gutter keep our sand-castle virtues content to be a doer as well as a thinker, prefer lifting our pen rather than un-sheath our sword |
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Logan
Forum & Site Admin Group
Site Admin Joined: April 05 2006 Location: Vancouver, BC Status: Offline Points: 36807 |
Posted: February 23 2007 at 13:08 |
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When I suffer from sleepless nights I tend to be more fanciful/inane than productive -- but then I'm always like that. I pity my wife, three year old, and newborn.
I'm not sure which would be worse, having a log backed up one's nose or tackling this site's backlog -- painful as that nasal entry would be.  I really do appreciate all the painstaking work put into the site by fruitful members such as yourself, and of course the more people band together the easier it is. Sure when I have the time and am in the right frame of mind (there's the problem), I'd be willing to do some database entry (a band at some time). Being productive can be rewarding, or at least so I've heard. Then I'd really have something to toot my horn about. EDIT: Incidentally, I'm a horn player, and very comfortable with the size of my nose. I can blow my trumpet almost as well as my nose (I'm dexterous). I'm happy with the cornet, and don't need a big tuba to assert my manhood. Edited by Logan - February 23 2007 at 13:21 |
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Philéas
Forum Senior Member
Joined: June 14 2006 Status: Offline Points: 6419 |
Posted: February 23 2007 at 18:33 |
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Nose envy? Not really. I have envied other peoples hair though, and still do (I wish I could have an afro).
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Jeams Pfirp
Forum Senior Member
Joined: January 03 2007 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 163 |
Posted: February 23 2007 at 23:42 |
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I voted for A Man is Not Measured by the Size of His Nose. I like this topic. It's not really a mainstream kind of topic.
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video vertigo
Forum Senior Member
Joined: September 17 2004 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 1930 |
Posted: February 25 2007 at 01:00 |
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This is the most well thought out silly thread I've ever read, for that I congratulate you.
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"The rock and roll business is pretty absurd, but the world of serious music is much worse." - Zappa
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Witchwoodhermit
Forum Senior Member
Joined: February 23 2006 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 871 |
Posted: February 25 2007 at 01:23 |
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I love my nose.
I penetrate it regularly.
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Here I'm shadowed by a dragon fig tree's fan
ringed by ants and musing over man. |
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andu
Forum Senior Member
Joined: September 27 2006 Location: Romania Status: Offline Points: 3089 |
Posted: February 25 2007 at 06:11 |
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I never knew someone could envy another for his bigger nose. On the contrary, I knew only about the embarrassment of having a big nose - people make fun of you, girls don't like you. Oh boy, I hated my nose in my boyhood... It's all over now, it turned up it wasn't that big, or at least it's acceptable.
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Logan
Forum & Site Admin Group
Site Admin Joined: April 05 2006 Location: Vancouver, BC Status: Offline Points: 36807 |
Posted: February 25 2007 at 16:16 |
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A large nose is a very masculine trait, however, no matter how big or small, be proud of your schnozz. Size doesn't matter as much as how you use it. I like to think I have the kind of Roman nose that might make even Caligula blush, but truth be told I'd be lying.
 It's said, "Don't put your nose in other people's business," but imagine the places your beak could get into. Some birds would find it an absolute pleasure if open to the possibilities. To boldly go where no beak has gone, and all that. It's also said, "Keep your nose clean." Where's the fun in that? Better it get down and dirty. Put the nose to the bump and grindstone, if you get my thrust. Edited by Logan - February 25 2007 at 16:17 |
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Jim Garten
Special Collaborator
Retired Admin & Razor Guru Joined: February 02 2004 Location: South England Status: Offline Points: 14693 |
Posted: February 26 2007 at 07:20 |
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As anyone who knows me will testify, I have a huge honker and am proud of it
 - Logan, this is a superb thread dealing, as it does, with that most often referred to but too frequently overlooked organ*, the schnozzle.
I do have to ask, however, whether anyone here has the same problem as I do in cold weather; I find it becomes almost intolerably runny, which leads to stress - the only way I have found to deal with such tension is a good blow. *Incidentally, I also have an organ** so large, we had to move the dining table to accomodate it. **1971 Hammond L122 |
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Jon Lord 1941 - 2012 |
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Logan
Forum & Site Admin Group
Site Admin Joined: April 05 2006 Location: Vancouver, BC Status: Offline Points: 36807 |
Posted: February 26 2007 at 14:56 |
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^
 You know, your avatar could be included as olfactory organ symbolism (had originally considered listing it as an example of proboscic imagery). Got a limp Gonzo quality about it -- looks like that schnozzle is about to leak.As for my nose: Gave the doctor a bob for a quicky nose job, but her face turned blue right after I blew. She ran away faster than my nose ever ran. |
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Logan
Forum & Site Admin Group
Site Admin Joined: April 05 2006 Location: Vancouver, BC Status: Offline Points: 36807 |
Posted: June 22 2007 at 18:28 |
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Sorry reviving an old thread of mine... Just looking through some old topics.
How about a nose-hair afro for that silly cilia look? Got mine permed the other day. HERE's a virtual nose-hair plucker for those that prefer smoother nostrils, but prefer not to undergo the pain of plucking themselves. *stay away from Brazilian nasal hot-wax treatments). I'm thinking about going under the knife for schnozzle enlargement as the vacuum pumps and pills just aren't working -- I didn't gain any inches and I can't get my money back. For now it's the old false nose trick -- quite an improvement when I put it on. 
 If all goes well with the nose extension. one day this could be me:  LOL -- sorry, I have been told at other forums to leave the humour to others. Edited by Logan - June 22 2007 at 18:40 |
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el böthy
Prog Reviewer 
Joined: April 27 2005 Location: Argentina Status: Offline Points: 6336 |
Posted: June 23 2007 at 15:22 |
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I DO NOT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH SIZE. ITS ALL GOOD AND THERE IS NO NEED OF COMPENSATION!!!
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"You want me to play what, Robert?"
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Vompatti
Forum Senior Member
VIP Member Joined: October 22 2005 Location: elsewhere Status: Offline Points: 67442 |
Posted: June 23 2007 at 15:35 |
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My feet are even bigger than my nose, if you know what I mean.
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Logan
Forum & Site Admin Group
Site Admin Joined: April 05 2006 Location: Vancouver, BC Status: Offline Points: 36807 |
Posted: June 27 2007 at 15:54 |
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Brilliant!  P.S. MINE IS BIGGER THAN YOURS! The font overfloweth.
The nose knows... Big hands, big feet, big Incidentally, I measure myself in yards rather than feet, and am master of the three-legged race (a curious race of tripedal people we are too -- I just beat out the others by a nose). |
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asimplemistake
Forum Senior Member
Joined: March 13 2007 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 840 |
Posted: June 29 2007 at 13:17 |
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I don't have a huge nose......whatever.
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Logan
Forum & Site Admin Group
Site Admin Joined: April 05 2006 Location: Vancouver, BC Status: Offline Points: 36807 |
Posted: June 30 2007 at 10:33 |
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It's not the size that matters; it's how it's blown. One may not have the largest olfactory organ in the world, but one can make up for it with the size of another organ (just don't do an Emerson by sticking daggers into it)... Now here's a pretty big organ...  Edited by Logan - June 30 2007 at 10:34 |
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Dean
Special Collaborator
Retired Admin and Amateur Layabout Joined: May 13 2007 Location: Europe Status: Offline Points: 37575 |
Posted: June 30 2007 at 21:08 |
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I should look down my nose at this kind of thread, but being short-sighted I cannot see that far.
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What?
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Size matters -- a pro[g]boscis study
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Philéas wrote: