Off At Tangents: Tip Bin Shuffle

Oft forgotten saints #288: Jansru, the patron saint of space emptiness

Dear Mr. Gene Popplegany,

Hello. It was nice to receive your invitation to participate in your stage show on September 29th, 1984. I will attend, but regret to inform you that I will limit my stage time to exactly 3:08, preferably somewhere in the middle of your program. You see, I have extreme stage freight that causes my already unimpressive penis to shrink at least three inches. Due to the fact that I will be naked I will be quite embarrassed if I'm on stage for any longer than that. I will bring tiny oranges for your crew as atonement. Thanks again for considering me.

PS - Let's get together for lunch with your mistress. She makes the best sweet tea and cranberry emulsion I"ve ever had.

Sincerely & completely,

Gen. Bridger H. Shrobotmm

Dearest Toadface,

I have never used fruit as a euphemism for my testicles or any other genitalia. Next time see who uses your front lawn to sell endangered tree specimens.

Closest hugs & drugs,
Gen. Oh-Yes.

Esteemed Crustacean

I'll thank you to remember a man's front lawn is more than just allotted turf sir and no amount of gerrymandering of its boundaries or stifled mirth will ever countenance said expression euphemising my own not inconsiderable pants bounty

Gene Love Rod Popplegany


Edited by ExittheLemming - February 19 2014 at 01:52

Hector fought hard to dismiss the idea he was either jinxed or unlucky. After all, who was to know that Clodagh Corr would turn out to be the half mad disowned blimp sibling of the talented Irish folk rockers they fed fish heads to from a bucket in the attic?

Dear Satan,

Thanks you for the yams.

Love, Karen

This piece of paper has no R's on it.  Please take it back and do not return until it contains at least 3 R's.

A trained rhinoceros is only marginally less rubato than a trained space ship.

Closet freakout, basketball scoop.
Rabbits eat ding-dong, elephant poop.

I see you baby...takin' that sh*t.