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Triceratopsoil View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 21 2014 at 20:36
Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?


Because if it had 4, it would be a chicken sedan
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 21 2014 at 20:38
When I showed up late for the cannibal potluck, they gave me the cold shoulder
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 21 2014 at 21:16
Cold shoulders are good.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 21 2014 at 21:23
Keith Richards gives his pillow face marks
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 21 2014 at 23:12
Why did Nebuchadnezzar's scribe have trouble recording his speeches?

He tended to Babylon.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 21 2014 at 23:32
I was sweeping the floor with my cousin. Now I have to clean his clothes.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 22 2014 at 03:01
Originally posted by ExittheLemming ExittheLemming wrote:

Keith Richards gives his pillow face marks

LOLLOLLOL
<font color=Brown>Music - The Sound Librarian

...As I venture through the slipstream, between the viaducts in your dreams...[/COLOR]
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 22 2014 at 04:26
Originally posted by Dayvenkirq Dayvenkirq wrote:

I was sweeping the floor with my cousin. Now I have to clean his clothes.


I don't get it? I don't have any jokes

Edited by ProgMetaller2112 - January 22 2014 at 04:27
“War is peace.

Freedom is slavery.

Ignorance is strength.”

― George Orwell, Nineteen Eighty-Four



"Ignorance and Prejudice and Fear walk Hand in Hand"- Neil Peart



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Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 22 2014 at 04:50
Originally posted by ProgMetaller2112 ProgMetaller2112 wrote:

Originally posted by Dayvenkirq Dayvenkirq wrote:

I was sweeping the floor with my cousin. Now I have to clean his clothes.


I don't get it? I don't have any jokes
Andrey was sweeping the floor with his cousin, and now he has to clean his clothes. LOL




Ermm



Andrey and his cousin were previously sweeping the floor and now Andrey is doing the all laundry so we must assume that his cousin is sitting in the clean apartment wearing nothing but a smile, unless of course he has a change of clothes, in which case it's not that funny, so I think the assumption that Andrey's cousin currently without clothing is the punchline of the joke, unless of course the comedic moment is the realisation that Andrey lives in a really dirty house where you have to clean your clothes every time you sweep the floor, and I for one find that very difficult to believe, if only for the fact that houses cannot possibly get that dirty (and that Andrey seems like a nice clean person who would never let his home get into such a state). 


Big smile


What?
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 22 2014 at 07:51
Andrey's cousin enjoys household chores so we was drooling happily to himself
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 22 2014 at 10:00
Originally posted by ExittheLemming ExittheLemming wrote:

Keith Richards gives his pillow face marks
LOL best one so far. 
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 22 2014 at 10:11
Neil Hamburger: Why is the ocean blue?

Crowd: (silence)

NH:  Well, because so many people put those little discs in the toilet tank that make your water blue and uhh, when they flush it, of course, the waste is all pumped into the sea...

Crowd: (silence)

NH:  Well, if you didn't like that, wait til you hear me explain why the sky is BROWN!
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 22 2014 at 10:16
^ Ooh, I love Neil Hamburger! 
I was gonna post another Neil Hamburger joke, but it's way too rough... 
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 22 2014 at 11:09
Originally posted by ProgMetaller2112 ProgMetaller2112 wrote:

Originally posted by Dayvenkirq Dayvenkirq wrote:

I was sweeping the floor with my cousin. Now I have to clean his clothes.


I don't get it? I don't have any jokes
Sweeping floor with cousin = using cousin in place of broom
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 22 2014 at 11:29
Originally posted by Polymorphia Polymorphia wrote:

Originally posted by ProgMetaller2112 ProgMetaller2112 wrote:

Originally posted by Dayvenkirq Dayvenkirq wrote:

I was sweeping the floor with my cousin. Now I have to clean his clothes.


I don't get it? I don't have any jokes
Sweeping floor with cousin = using cousin in place of broom
Shocked that's absurd, that just doesn't make sense, that's like having a door in your pyjamas, it seems like a funny idea but it never happens and even if you did, where would it go and which side would the knob be on. I mean, Andrey's cousing would have to be really skinny and have a mass of curly hair and that's, well, just wrong because he'd be far more useful as a mop, you could even call him mop-head in fact I bet all his friends don't call him mop-head precisely for that reason because that's the kind of irony kids are into these days, and so Andrey would have said he was mopping the flour with his cousin and he didn't. so there.
What?
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 22 2014 at 11:32
No matter how you slice it, it comes up peanuts.
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It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased.

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 22 2014 at 11:56
What do you call a person who hangs out with musicians?
A drummer.
 
"My music is country music.  
I'm just not sure which country." Col. Bruce Hampton (Ret.)
Released date are often when it it impacted you but recorded dates are when it really happened...

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 22 2014 at 14:07
Originally posted by Dean Dean wrote:

Originally posted by Polymorphia Polymorphia wrote:

Originally posted by ProgMetaller2112 ProgMetaller2112 wrote:

Originally posted by Dayvenkirq Dayvenkirq wrote:

I was sweeping the floor with my cousin. Now I have to clean his clothes.


I don't get it? I don't have any jokes
Sweeping floor with cousin = using cousin in place of broom
Shocked that's absurd, that just doesn't make sense, that's like having a door in your pyjamas, it seems like a funny idea but it never happens and even if you did, where would it go and which side would the knob be on. I mean, Andrey's cousing would have to be really skinny and have a mass of curly hair and that's, well, just wrong because he'd be far more useful as a mop, you could even call him mop-head in fact I bet all his friends don't call him mop-head precisely for that reason because that's the kind of irony kids are into these days, and so Andrey would have said he was mopping the flour with his cousin and he didn't. so there.
I suppose you could say this irony is mopping the nation.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 22 2014 at 14:21
Originally posted by Dean Dean wrote:

Originally posted by Polymorphia Polymorphia wrote:

Originally posted by ProgMetaller2112 ProgMetaller2112 wrote:

Originally posted by Dayvenkirq Dayvenkirq wrote:

I was sweeping the floor with my cousin. Now I have to clean his clothes.


I don't get it? I don't have any jokes
Sweeping floor with cousin = using cousin in place of broom
Shocked that's absurd, that just doesn't make sense, that's like having a door in your pyjamas, it seems like a funny idea but it never happens and even if you did, where would it go and which side would the knob be on. I mean, Andrey's cousing would have to be really skinny and have a mass of curly hair and that's, well, just wrong because he'd be far more useful as a mop, you could even call him mop-head in fact I bet all his friends don't call him mop-head precisely for that reason because that's the kind of irony kids are into these days, and so Andrey would have said he was mopping the flour with his cousin and he didn't. so there.
Are you trying to kill the joke? That's the beauty of absurdist humor. It doesn't have to make sense. Big smile Think Steven Wright.

If this does clear things up, I've always used a push broom for both sweeping and mopping.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 22 2014 at 14:38
My parents always told me never to open the cellar door. But when I did I saw wonderfully strange things. Flowers, trees, the sun...

I saw a commercial about slip covers. It said "forget everything you know about slip covers." So I did, and it was a load off my mind. But then they started talkin' about these things called slip covers and I didn't know what the hell they were!
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