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jampa17 
Prog Reviewer
Joined: July 04 2009
Location: Guatemala
Status: Offline
Points: 6802
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 Posted: November 12 2009 at 09:02 |
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jajaajaja..!!!!
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Change the program inside... Stay in silence is a crime.
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A Person
Forum Senior Member
Joined: November 10 2008
Location: __
Status: Offline
Points: 65760
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Posted: November 17 2009 at 16:03 |
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Q. What did aliens say to Keith Emerson when he first met them?
A. Tarkus to your leader.
Edited by A Person - November 17 2009 at 16:03
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Vompatti
Forum Senior Member
VIP Member
Joined: October 22 2005
Location: elsewhere
Status: Offline
Points: 67458
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Posted: November 17 2009 at 18:30 |
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A man walks into a bar. If I could walk that way, I would too.
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SaltyJon
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: February 08 2008
Location: Location
Status: Offline
Points: 28772
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Posted: November 17 2009 at 18:38 |
Two men walked into a bar. After that, one of them went to sleep and the other did too after going to the bathroom. 
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A Person
Forum Senior Member
Joined: November 10 2008
Location: __
Status: Offline
Points: 65760
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Posted: November 17 2009 at 19:05 |
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A man walks into the bar. so I said to the horse "why the long face?"
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UndercoverBoy
Forum Senior Member
Joined: November 10 2009
Location: Tulsa, OK, U.S.
Status: Offline
Points: 5148
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Posted: November 17 2009 at 21:24 |
How do you get babies out of a blender?
Chips.
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A Person
Forum Senior Member
Joined: November 10 2008
Location: __
Status: Offline
Points: 65760
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Posted: November 17 2009 at 21:26 |
 gottagetintogetout wrote:
How do you get babies out of a blender?
Chips. |
I know more of those, but I don't think I should tell them.
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tardis
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 02 2005
Location: Victoria, BC
Status: Offline
Points: 14378
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Posted: November 18 2009 at 01:08 |
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This is extremely politically incorrect, but appeals to my twisted sense of humour...
Q. Did you know there are 23 battered womens' homes in Victoria?
A. Really? Damn. And I was eating them raw all this time!
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Vompatti
Forum Senior Member
VIP Member
Joined: October 22 2005
Location: elsewhere
Status: Offline
Points: 67458
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Posted: December 30 2009 at 18:39 |
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A man walks into a bar.
Shovel.
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Tsevir Leirbag
Forum Senior Member
Joined: May 03 2009
Location: Montréal
Status: Offline
Points: 8321
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Posted: December 30 2009 at 19:44 |
This is the story of a little boy who lost his parents in a car accident. He also lost his arms.
Now he lives with another family. One day, he asks his "mother":
- Mummy, can I have that chocolate bar on the table (of course, he's too little to pick it himself)?
- No.
- Pleaaaaase.
- F*ck you. No arms, no chocolate.
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Les mains, les pieds balancés
Sur tant de mers, tant de planchers,
Un marin mort,
Il dormira
- Paul Éluard
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progkidjoel
Prog Reviewer
Joined: March 02 2009
Location: Australia
Status: Offline
Points: 19643
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Posted: December 30 2009 at 19:46 |
^ 
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Tsevir Leirbag
Forum Senior Member
Joined: May 03 2009
Location: Montréal
Status: Offline
Points: 8321
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Posted: December 30 2009 at 19:56 |
I do not have a twisted mind...
I'm going to tell you a funny story about a little boy.
There's a little boy I know who wanted a dog. Everyday, he was asking his parents for a dog, he really wanted one, because he was the only child in his family and he wanted a friend.
So he kept asking for a dog. On the day of his anniversary, when he arrived from school, his daddy told him to go in his bedroom. The boy was so excited, he was sure his parents bought him a dog...
So he opened the door and saw a beautiful dog.... with an arrow through his chest and a card on the floor.
He opened the card and the message was: STOP HARASSING US! YOU WON'T HAVE A DOG!
P.S.: Happy birthday, though...
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Les mains, les pieds balancés
Sur tant de mers, tant de planchers,
Un marin mort,
Il dormira
- Paul Éluard
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UndercoverBoy
Forum Senior Member
Joined: November 10 2009
Location: Tulsa, OK, U.S.
Status: Offline
Points: 5148
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Posted: December 30 2009 at 21:27 |
There once was a man walking through Tibet, who was full of Existential Angst and wanted to know what the meaning of life was. Hee came upon a monk on the mountainside meditating, and asked him"What is the meaning of life?"
The monk responded, "I cannot tell you, for you are not a monk."
The man then asked, "How can I become one?"
"You must travel through a long and dark tunnel," he said, pointing to a cave in the distance. "At the end of the tunnel, I have transcribed what the meaning of life is on the walls. Now, let me return to my meditation."
The man thanked him, and entered the tunnel. He walked only for a few seconds, until he came upon a door built into the wall. He tried to open it, but the door was locked. The man sighed, for he was so hopeful that he would discover what the meaning of life was. He walked back through the tunnel for a few seconds, but then found a key lying on the floor. He picked it up, and walked for a few seconds back to the door. To his surprise, the key fit the lock, and he continued on his journey.
The man walked for many minutes, until he came upon another door. He tried to open it, but it was also locked. He then walked back out of the tunnel for minutes and seconds, until he found another key lying on the floor. He picked it up, and walked for minutes and seconds back to the locked door. This key fit as well, and he continued on his journey.
The man walked for many hours, until he came upon another door. He tried to open it, but it was locked. He walked back out of the tunnel for hours, minutes and seconds, until he found a key lying on the floor. He picked it up, and walked for hours, minutes and seconds back to the locked door. The key fit, and he continued on his journey.
The man walked for many days, until he came upon another door. He tried to open it, but it was locked. He walked back out of the tunnel for days, hours, minutes and seconds, until he found a key lying on the floor. He picked it up, and walked for days, hours, minutes and seconds back to the locked door. The key fit, and he continued on his journey.
The man walked for many weeks, until he came upon another door. He tried to open it, but it was locked. He walked back out of the tunnel for weeks, days, hours, minutes and seconds, until he found a key lying on the floor. He picked it up, and walked for weeks, days, hours, minutes and seconds back to the locked door. The key fit, and he continued on his journey.
The man walked for many months, until he came upon another door. He tried to open it, but it was locked. He walked back out of the tunnel for months, weeks, days, hours, minutes and seconds, until he found a key lying on the floor. He picked it up, and walked for months, weeks, days, hours, minutes and seconds back to the locked door. The key fit, and he continued on his journey.
The man walked for many years, until he came upon another door. He tried to open it, but it was locked. He walked back out of the tunnel for years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes and seconds, until he found a key lying on the floor. He picked it up, and walked for months, weeks, days, hours, minutes and seconds back to the locked door. The key fit, and he found himself at a dead end.
He was surrounded by lit torches, which helped him view a piece of writing transcribed onto the walls. He was overjoyed, for his long journey was now over, and he could learn the meaning of life. This is what it said:
I cannot tell you, for you are not a monk.
Edited by gottagetintogetout - December 30 2009 at 21:28
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Vompatti
Forum Senior Member
VIP Member
Joined: October 22 2005
Location: elsewhere
Status: Offline
Points: 67458
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Posted: February 03 2010 at 17:21 |
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A man walks into a bar.
[Time passes.]
The man walks out of the bar.
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Dean
Special Collaborator
Retired Admin and Amateur Layabout
Joined: May 13 2007
Location: Europe
Status: Offline
Points: 37575
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Posted: February 03 2010 at 17:31 |
Vompatti wrote:
A man walks into a bar.
[Time passes.]
The man walks out of the bar.
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...hang on. 
Let me get this striaght.....
...that's better 
...please do carry on. 
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What?
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Vompatti
Forum Senior Member
VIP Member
Joined: October 22 2005
Location: elsewhere
Status: Offline
Points: 67458
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Posted: February 03 2010 at 17:32 |
^
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npjnpj
Forum Senior Member
Joined: December 05 2007
Location: Germany
Status: Offline
Points: 2720
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Posted: April 22 2010 at 01:12 |
Prince Charles landed at Calgary for a visit. When he got off the plane he was wearing a Davy Crocket hat, you know, one of those round fur jobs with a tail at the back.
When he was asked what's with the hat, he said that when he told his mum he was going to Calgary, she said: 'Wear the fox hat'.
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tardis
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 02 2005
Location: Victoria, BC
Status: Offline
Points: 14378
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Posted: April 22 2010 at 02:08 |
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When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the
doctors.
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Zebedee
Forum Senior Member
Joined: July 02 2009
Location: The Woods
Status: Offline
Points: 1588
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Posted: April 22 2010 at 03:04 |
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Three women walk into a pub and say, `Hooray, we've colonised a
male-dominated joke format.'
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Friendship is like wetting your pants: everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth.
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AtomicCrimsonRush
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: July 02 2008
Location: Australia
Status: Offline
Points: 14258
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Posted: April 22 2010 at 09:00 |
Two elephants fall off a cliff
BOOM! BOOM!
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