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Slartibartfast View Drop Down
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Points: 29630 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 15 2009 at 15:55
Originally posted by Jim Garten Jim Garten wrote:

Originally posted by crimhead crimhead wrote:

Q:What did one deadhead say to the other when they ran out of pot?A:Man this music sucks.




Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: A fish


I am not  Salvador Dali and I approve this message.
And now a massage from the Swedish Prime Minister...


Edited by Slartibartfast - January 15 2009 at 15:55
Released date are often when it it impacted you but recorded dates are when it really happened...
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Dean View Drop Down
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Points: 37575 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 15 2009 at 15:55
What's perfect pitch for a Flying V?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
...when it doesn't hit the toilet seat on the way in.
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Points: 67458 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 15 2009 at 15:57
Originally posted by Slartibartfast Slartibartfast wrote:

Originally posted by Vompatti Vompatti wrote:

There's something wrong with my mouse. I think it has had too much sugar.

(This is no joke, really, this is actually happening. Shocked (It's not a real mouse though, it's the one I push around on my table) But if it was a joke, I think it would be a bad one.)

Needs some work, how about cheese instead of sugar? Tongue

No, I'm fairly certain there isn't any cheese inside my mouse because I haven't eaten any cheese near it and I know it hasn't eaten any cheese because it's not a real mouse but an electronic computer plastic thingy. Stern Smile
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Points: 14378 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 15 2009 at 23:05
  • What do clouds wear under their clothes?
  • Thunderware.
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Points: 1719 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 16 2009 at 01:42
The nasty class clown, Little Johnny, was at a history lesson.
"Class" said the teacher, "I want a volunteer to quote a famous line from history, who said it, and when."
An Asian-American girl's hand shot up.
"Yes, Koyoki?"
"I regret that I have but one life to give for my country. Nathan Hale, 1776."
"Very good. Anyone else?"
Koyoki's hand is the only one up.
With a sigh, the teacher nods. "Another, Koyoki?"
Koyoki nods back. "With malice toward none, with charity for all. From the second inaugural address by Abraham Lincoln, 1864."
"Correct. Please, class, is there another who knows one?"
Again, Koyoki is the only one raising a hand.
The teacher loses her patience. "Class, you should be ashamed. The only volunteer is Koyoki, who knows her history, and not even American born, but a native Japanese."
From the back of the room, just barely audible, Little Johnny mutters" Censored the Japanese."
Outraged, the teacher demands "who said that?!"
Little Johnny leaps to his feet. "Harry S Truman, 1945."
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Points: 14378 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 16 2009 at 23:12
Two newfs are driving, both enjoying a bottle of black horse, when a cop pulls them over.  The newf in the passenger seat says "he's got us now by, what are we gonna do?".  

The driver assures the passenger that they have nothing to worry about and tells him to follow his lead and say nothing.  

So, the driver peals the lable off the bottle of beer, licks the back of the lable, sticks it to his forehead, and puts the bottle under his seat; the passenger follows suit.  The police officer approaches the drivers window and asks for his licence and registration.  

As the driver gives the officer his info the officer asks whether he or the passenger had been drinking at all that night, and the driver points to his forehead and responds, "Oh no sir, we's on da patch ya see!".
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Points: 67458 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 21 2009 at 12:28
I walk into a bar.
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Points: 4079 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 21 2009 at 12:30
I tell a good joke.
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Points: 67458 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 21 2009 at 12:33
I'm not a terrible bore.
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Dean View Drop Down
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Points: 37575 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 21 2009 at 12:48
^ that is true, you're not terrible at all. Tongue
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Points: 67458 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 21 2009 at 12:48
Ouch LOL
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Dean View Drop Down
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Points: 37575 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 21 2009 at 12:49
I'm not a complete idiot - there are some parts still to be found.
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Points: 4079 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 21 2009 at 12:54
Originally posted by Dean Dean wrote:

I'm not a complete idiot - there are some parts still to be found.


It took a second to sink it. Good one.
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Points: 14378 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 27 2009 at 13:20
What did the stamp say to the envelope?

I'm stuck on you.
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Points: 37575 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 27 2009 at 13:54
Q: Why do they put the Queen's head on stamps?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
A: Because if they put her feet you wouldn't lick them.
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Points: 4079 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 27 2009 at 14:12
John: Hey Bob, you have a banana in your ear.

Bob: What?

John: You have a banana in your ear!

Bob: What!?

John: You have a banana in your ear!!!!

Bob: I'm sorry I can't hear you. I have a banana in my ear.
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Points: 3834 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 27 2009 at 14:43
Sorry if this has been used already, but it's too much of a classic...

What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

Thumbs Up
"Market value is irrelevant to intrinsic value."

Arnold Schoenberg
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tardis View Drop Down
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Points: 14378 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 27 2009 at 14:57
A man in his 90's, for a Special Birthday Gift from his Grandsons, is sent a Stripper to his home to entertain him.  After she rings the bell of his home, she informs him that his grandsons sent her as a special birthday gift, to provide her services.  The grandfather asks her, " What do you do?"  She said ,"I can provide you "Sup-er Sex".  “He says, “Look, I'm 98 years old, I'll take the Soup!"
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Points: 67458 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 29 2009 at 05:50
Blixa Bargeld rolls into a bar. The barkeep says: The money just keeps rolling in!
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Points: 14378 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 29 2009 at 22:20

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