Off at Tangents: Waff at Argents!

ExittheLemming wrote: Atavachron wrote: I once had a vacuum cleaner that resembled Bolivia.   Call me someone who catalogues their own faeces if you like but: Sucking, blowing or just the attachments?

yes

Man With Hat wrote: First, they encapsulate the pubic hair. Then, they add it to the salads.

Few know this is where the term 'pub' came from; once thought to contain aphroditic properties, body hairs were carefully gathered and distilled into a vile but stimulating elixir popular with locals.

Title wave. 

Jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump jump

Atavachron wrote: Man With Hat wrote: First, they encapsulate the pubic hair. Then, they add it to the salads. Few know this is where the term 'pub' came from; once thought to contain aphroditic properties, body hairs were carefully gathered and distilled into a vile but stimulating elixir popular with locals.

Sometimes carelessly labelled Vegemite (similar to a type of butter from Jupiter)

Susan Boyle as Clint Eastwood reads Aldous Huxley as Nicole Kidman reading Rod Serling.

Buruiană  Intotdeauna Abjekt nee CF Pietroasa Comună nee Pietroasa Căluşari are a Romanian football team currently playing in Liga 28 - Seria Z (Mothers and Toddlers Division) of the country's semi-professional league.

They were formed in 1967 when a group of like minded individuals wanted to combine their passion for soccer with that of imbibing strong hallucinogenics met in a local tavern and decided to found a village team. The original name decided upon was Buruiană F.u.c.k.arrest but this was deemed inflammatory by the league's administrators and was changed after considerable pressure from local villagers and the threat of litigation from the largest and most successful club side in all of Romania. After plummeting ever downwards in Romania's labyrinthine league structure, the inhabitants of the Pietroasa commune became so disenchanted of being the butt of jokes from the wider soccer community that they lobbied the football authorities successfully in 1978 to have any reference to their community removed from the club's name.

Abjekt have however, steadfastly persisted with the club's traditional dark chocolate brown playing strip over the years to appease their hooligan right wing 'ultras' fanbase (estimated to number over 3) who have a terrace anthem celebrating this continuity:

We look like it and we play like it , but it saves on laundry bills (To the tune of Falfani Calusa)

To date, the club have never won a trophy, been relegated 27 times, changed ownership on 9 occasions, had their stadium torched by villagers twice, have entered administration 15 times, sold their entire playing staff during a single season 8 times, and have had 83 coaches in 45 years who met the following fates:

Dismissed - 19
Suicides - 10
Defections - 7
Arrested For Match Fixing/Doping/Theft - 19
Reported as Missing Persons - 16*
Deceased With No Suspicious Circumstances - 0
Head Hunted by other Teams - 0
Emigrated - 12
*Murdered By Fans? - 8
*Murdered By Players? - 8

Legendary youth team coach Gigel Pistache used to have his squad bathe naked in the local icy rivers in the middle of winter 'to toughen the pretty little petals up for battle' He will only become due for parole in 2012 at the earliest.

Despite never having had a halcyon golden age as that enjoyed by other struggling provincial clubs, Abjekt continue to survive despite seemingly insurmountable odds. In the increasingly crass, venal and 'winning ugly' mindset of professional football, the comments of their Chief Director Oprea 'Jugs' Winfreau will strike a chord with lovers of the beautiful game and the 'little guy' everywhere:

Yes, it is hard to find the funds to keep the club running these days. We don't take bribes to throw matches like the other sides do...that's why we are are the only soccer team to have an explicit (but tasteful) Player's Wives section on our website. I make no apologies for that nor do I take offence at the endless stream of jokes told at our expense e.g. contrary to popular belief, political prisoners are not tortured in Romania, they just receive a Buruiană  Intotdeauna Abjekt season ticket. Heh..yeah I liked that one..not sure who made it up but I visit his widow regularly.

I built a slide inside a skyscraper.

ExittheLemming wrote: Buruiană  Intotdeauna Abjekt nee CF Pietroasa Comună nee Pietroasa Căluşari are a Romanian football team currently playing in Liga 28 - Seria Z (Mothers and Toddlers Division) of the country's semi-professional league. They were formed in 1967 when a group of like minded individuals wanted to combine their passion for soccer with that of imbibing strong hallucinogenics met in a local tavern and decided to found a village team. The original name decided upon was Buruiană F.u.c.k.arrest but this was deemed inflammatory by the league's administrators and was changed after considerable pressure from local villagers and the threat of litigation from the largest and most successful club side in all of Romania. After plummeting ever downwards in Romania's labyrinthine league structure, the inhabitants of the Pietroasa commune became so disenchanted of being the butt of jokes from the wider soccer community that they lobbied the football authorities successfully in 1978 to have any reference to their community removed from the club's name. Abjekt have however, steadfastly persisted with the club's traditional dark chocolate brown playing strip over the years to appease their hooligan right wing 'ultras' fanbase (estimated to number over 3) who have a terrace anthem celebrating this continuity: We look like it and we play like it , but it saves on laundry bills (To the tune of Falfani Calusa) To date, the club have never won a trophy, been relegated 27 times, changed ownership on 9 occasions, had their stadium torched by villagers twice, have entered administration 15 times, sold their entire playing staff during a single season 8 times, and have had 83 coaches in 45 years who met the following fates: Dismissed - 19 Suicides - 10 Defections - 7 Arrested For Match Fixing/Doping/Theft - 19 Reported as Missing Persons - 16* Deceased With No Suspicious Circumstances - 0 Head Hunted by other Teams - 0 Emigrated - 12 *Murdered By Fans? - 8 *Murdered By Players? - 8 Legendary youth team coach Gigel Pistache used to have his squad bathe naked in the local icy rivers in the middle of winter 'to toughen the pretty little petals up for battle' He will only become due for parole in 2012 at the earliest. Despite never having had a halcyon golden age as that enjoyed by other struggling provincial clubs, Abjekt continue to survive despite seemingly insurmountable odds. In the increasingly crass, venal and 'winning ugly' mindset of professional football, the comments of their Chief Director Oprea 'Jugs' Winfreau will strike a chord with lovers of the beautiful game and the 'little guy' everywhere: Yes, it is hard to find the funds to keep the club running these days. We don't take bribes to throw matches like the other sides do...that's why we are are the only soccer team to have an explicit (but tasteful) Player's Wives section on our website. I make no apologies for that nor do I take offence at the endless stream of jokes told at our expense e.g. contrary to popular belief, political prisoners are not tortured in Romania, they just receive a Buruiană  Intotdeauna Abjekt season ticket. Heh..yeah I liked that one..not sure who made it up but I visit his widow regularly.

Did you just write that?

harmonium.ro wrote: ExittheLemming wrote: Buruiană  Intotdeauna Abjekt nee CF Pietroasa Comună nee Pietroasa Căluşari are a Romanian football team currently playing in Liga 28 - Seria Z (Mothers and Toddlers Division) of the country's semi-professional league. They were formed in 1967 when a group of like minded individuals wanted to combine their passion for soccer with that of imbibing strong hallucinogenics met in a local tavern and decided to found a village team. The original name decided upon was Buruiană F.u.c.k.arrest but this was deemed inflammatory by the league's administrators and was changed after considerable pressure from local villagers and the threat of litigation from the largest and most successful club side in all of Romania. After plummeting ever downwards in Romania's labyrinthine league structure, the inhabitants of the Pietroasa commune became so disenchanted of being the butt of jokes from the wider soccer community that they lobbied the football authorities successfully in 1978 to have any reference to their community removed from the club's name. Abjekt have however, steadfastly persisted with the club's traditional dark chocolate brown playing strip over the years to appease their hooligan right wing 'ultras' fanbase (estimated to number over 3) who have a terrace anthem celebrating this continuity: We look like it and we play like it , but it saves on laundry bills (To the tune of Falfani Calusa) To date, the club have never won a trophy, been relegated 27 times, changed ownership on 9 occasions, had their stadium torched by villagers twice, have entered administration 15 times, sold their entire playing staff during a single season 8 times, and have had 83 coaches in 45 years who met the following fates: Dismissed - 19 Suicides - 10 Defections - 7 Arrested For Match Fixing/Doping/Theft - 19 Reported as Missing Persons - 16* Deceased With No Suspicious Circumstances - 0 Head Hunted by other Teams - 0 Emigrated - 12 *Murdered By Fans? - 8 *Murdered By Players? - 8 Legendary youth team coach Gigel Pistache used to have his squad bathe naked in the local icy rivers in the middle of winter 'to toughen the pretty little petals up for battle' He will only become due for parole in 2012 at the earliest. Despite never having had a halcyon golden age as that enjoyed by other struggling provincial clubs, Abjekt continue to survive despite seemingly insurmountable odds. In the increasingly crass, venal and 'winning ugly' mindset of professional football, the comments of their Chief Director Oprea 'Jugs' Winfreau will strike a chord with lovers of the beautiful game and the 'little guy' everywhere: Yes, it is hard to find the funds to keep the club running these days. We don't take bribes to throw matches like the other sides do...that's why we are are the only soccer team to have an explicit (but tasteful) Player's Wives section on our website. I make no apologies for that nor do I take offence at the endless stream of jokes told at our expense e.g. contrary to popular belief, political prisoners are not tortured in Romania, they just receive a Buruiană  Intotdeauna Abjekt season ticket. Heh..yeah I liked that one..not sure who made it up but I visit his widow regularly. Did you just write that?

Course I did, (took me about 30 minutes) glad you found some of  it funny