Frank Zappa’s Birthday

Aarf she said !(THis must be Evelyn the modified dog)

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Birthdays mean nothing to me

I still think of FZ a lot.

Not just because it happens to be his birthday.

Edited by Joren

Alucard wrote: The Muffin Man is seated at the table in the laboratory of the Utility Muffin Research Kitchen... Reaching for an oversized chrome spoon he gathers an intimate quantity of dried muffin remnants and brushing his scapular aside procceds to dump these inside of his shirt... He turns to us and speaks: "SOME PEOPLE LIKE CUPCAKES BETTER. I FOR ONE CARE LESS FOR THEM!" Arrogantly twisting the sterile canvas snoot of a fully charged icing anointment utensil he poots forths a quarter-ounce green rosette (oh ah yuk yuk... let's try that again...!) He poots forth a quarter-ounce green rosette near the summit of a dense but radiant muffin of his own design. Later he says: "SOME PEOPLE... SOME PEOPLE LIKE CUPCAKES EXCLUSIVELY, WHILE MYSELF, I SAY THERE IS NAUGHT NOR OUGHT THERE BE NOTHING SO EXALTED ON THE FACE OF GOD'S GREY EARTH AS THAT PRINCE OF FOODS... THE MUFFIN

I remember hearing this for the first time in a record shop in Camden (North London). My friend and I pisssed ourselves laughing and then noticed that everybody else in the shop was looking at us like a dog that had just been shown a card trick. Useless t**sers!

 

"This is sort of like jazz in it's own peculiar way. Jazz is not dead, it just smells funny! Okay, let's go! Yeah man, jazz man, you know what I mean? This is Be-Bop, Even though you think it doesn't sound like that. Be-Bop! Now, as you might have noticed, Some of you with a musical education Can tell that the notes that George just sang when he went: "This is Be-Bop, even though you think it doesn't sound like that", Is actually a sort of a twisted form of the theme of the tango itself Which will get even more depraved as the number goes on. George will now attempt to dismember that melody, Play it and sing it at the same time while... Tu-dup. Hey, that's the way! While we sort of dance to it. Okay, try it George. Tu-dup, tu-dee... Oh yeah! As I was saying. Now, what we'd like to do at this point Is get some volunteers from the audience to... I know you will, oh God you will... We need some...heh heh heh... Now, as a matter of fact you did, didn't you... No, we wanna have some people who've never tried it before, Who've never even thought of trying it before. A boy, a girl, preferably who like each other, Who would like to come up here and attempt to dance to what George sings. Do we have anybody who is...you're one.

Okay, what's your name?

Carl.

Your name is Carl? Please Carl step on to the stage. Pleased to meet you Carl. Alright. Okay? Let's see-ah, is there anybody in the, in the back? Where...oh-oh, hey! What's your name?

Rick.

Rick, and?

Jane.

Rick and Jane and Carl! Alright, here's how it works: There's a beat going on like this; That's a pedestrian beat. You don't dance to that beat, You dance to what George sings, okay? The little ones, okay? The little quick ones, okay? Ready? George, make them dance!

Dup. No no Rick, you're too reserved. Ready? Give it to 'em George! Tu-dup, tu-dup pu-dee-da... No no, come on now, loosen up. Listen, encourage them! When it... Ah! Okay! Alright, one more time: dance!

Tu-dup, du-dee-da... Let's study this phenomenon. Tu-duppy-dup-pu-dee-da... Now look, Rick and Jane and Carl, You're, you're wonderful but you're just too reserved. I still can... I know you will, maybe in a minute. Okay, I'll t-tell you what: Go back to your seats and we'll bring up the next batch. Okay? Carl, Rick and Jane! Alright, you wanna try...?

Anything you say Frank!

Oh my God! Alright, you're name is Lana, right? Lana dance!

Du-dup-dee-dup... Now that's more like it. Du-dup-dee-dup... Lana, you're so good we have to bring up some other people to assist you. Brenda, imported from Edward's Air Force Base, where she... Ladies and gentlemen, Brenda... Brenda is a professional harlot And she just got finished stripping for a bunch of guys at Edward's Air Force Base, And she made it down here in time for the show. Two hours of taking it off for the boys in the car, really good. Okay. Heh. Brenda, Brenda has a lovely assistant named Carl, Or Robert James Davis if you prefer. Herb Cohen, ladies and gentlemen! Okay, dance!

Du-du-dip... You're still too adagio, I keep telling you! Du-dup-du-dee-da... Turn on the bubble machine! Dup-dee-da, dup-dee-da... God, is that a cheap bubble-machine! Bow, du-du-du-du-du-da... Ladies and gentlemen: Don's ex-wife! Ladies and gentlemen, You're probably sitting in your chairs, Saying to yourselves: I could do that. And of course you can! And now is your big chance! All you have to do, The first step is easy, All you gotta do is stand up. Go ahead, just stand up. There you go, you are standing up. Yes, some of you are not standing up But you won't have as much fun as the ones who are standing up. Okay, turn on the big lights so everybody can see what's going on. Yes, very many of you are standing up. Okay, link your mind with the mind of George Duke! And when...

Du-dup... That's it! When he plays those funny fast little notes, Twitch around and have a good time with the Be-Bop Tango, Let's try it! Anything you wanna do is alright. You gotta do anything you wanna do, it's alright. Yes you got to know you came to the right place, tonight. (Give me some of that wine now). As you might have guessed, ladies and gentlemen, This is the end of our concert. We like to thank you ver... Wanna thank you very much for coming. Hope you had a good time. Bruce Fowler on trombone, Napoleon Murphy Brock on tenor sax and lead vocals, Ruth Underwood on percussion, Ralph Humphrey on drums, Chester Thompson on drums, Tom Fowler on bass And George Duke on the keyboards. Thank you very much. Alright, alright...

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This is another one of my favourite! The best line: Carl ..you still too adagio!

Edited by Alucard