The RIP thread

^^^ I was just about to post this, but you got there first... very sad news.  

Bob Barker passed away today, aged 99, former game show host of The Price is Right and Truth or Consequences. 

Edited by JD - September 02 2023 at 08:26

Wow. RIP. Jimmy Buffett.

I'm really very sorry to hear this JD; my heartfelt sympathy goes out to you and all of his family; we hope he has finally found the inner peace he was craving and may he Rest In Peace... 

So sorry to hear, JD. Amazing art.

My best friend committed suicide a few years ago -- a friend told me that the family blamed me, that and because I had felt so powerless in trying to prevent something that I thought might happen, lead to my own attempt which led to some neurological issues due to asphyxiation. He lived in North Van and had been admitted to the North Vancouver (Lions Gate) Hospital. He went missing and when found convinced his mother to take himself to Lions Gate. Instead he drove 500 miles and killed himself -- every day I was trying to contact the police to warn them but they would never return my calls, while at the same time I made the mistake of trying to reassure the mother who has her own mental health issues. SO sad my predictions came true and yet I was unable to prevent it. He so hated the idea of going back the North van hospital. Having been hospitalised myself, voluntarily, you are treated like a non-person and a criminal (locked up and ignored). And my eldest has been hospitalised several times. It's so dehumanising. Those hospital stays can just make it much, much worse, and they don't really care for you or seem to care about you at all in my experience and then you are just cut loose when they decide they can release you. In my case I agreed to one night, caused no issues there, but could not get released for a week (they said because that psychiatrist was busy, really? They had so many others). It was a depressing and horrible experience for me. They don;t really treat you, just lock you up and ignore you from my experience. Sad to see that being hospitalised can make it so much worse and they need good post hospital support (partially to deal with the potential trauma of being hospitalised) -- and a compassionate and supportive and non-judgemntal community, friends, and family to help one through. A big issue commonly is the stigma of mental health, so may people are afraid to talk about it with others which leads to greater feelings of alienation and desperation. When I was hospitalised, before that I had called mental health hotline and mentioned suicidal ideation (I have that every day, I live with it). That person, despite my protests, then contacted the police which took me to the hospital. I though one night might be good to get connected into the system, but it did not work out that way and instead it made me feel more alienated, less in control of my life, less of an individual. I decide that i would rather die that go back to hospital, and I will not call asupport line again because of the lack of anonymity or respecting or listening to your wishes. I was in no danger, that person just reacted without listening. At the hospital, from my experience, you are just another statistic, and once you are gone they don't care to even follow-up. It felt utterly cold and heartless. I used to do work in mental health for an NGO mostly as the program coordinator when I was doing really well and we actually cared about the people's well-being and I believe it showed and people were grateful. It was a community of people who I believe generally cared about each other and had an understanding of the difficulties. It would help if people could be more open about their difficulties without feeling judged or having thier feelings "invalidated" (there's a buzz word that some hate, so "woke").

I don't know your friends situation, but sadly it is common that much more could have and should have been done. Even just having people really listen and one thinks they actually care and are not telling you how you should feel, how you should react. We are all different. A little caring and compassion and companionship can go such a long way. But some will see that as weakness and use it against you (this happened to me with someone at PA who I made the mistake of confiding in). Ideally one should not care about the non-caring, the heartless, the callous and the cruel I might say. It's rather like not tolerating the intolerant.

Oh, and, sorry not to take away from this, but last weekend we had my mother's memorial service, she died a few weeks before that. Been very stressful and hard dealing with her failing health for the last year and a half (she had had a severe stroke that left her with expressive aphasia). It was a beautiful service but I had a panic attack before it because the live streaming person could not show up at the church due to illness and I had not time to set it up. My brother who had arranged something in Australia, where my mother is from, was very upset because he said that many in Australia were waiting to see it (my wife and I set everything up here in Canada so I was blaming myself). I had to deliver my eulogy for my mum and a friends whose flight was delayed and so could not make it, and so it was really bad timing, but I managed to calm quite quickly and focus on what needed doing. I got more laughs then than I have in the last ten years at PA, which is not saying much (people love amusing anecdotes at funerals). It went really well other than that and that we catered for far too many people.

Edited by Logan - September 03 2023 at 11:39

^ So sorry to hear that, Steve. My deepest condolences to you both and to the families.

Edited by Logan - September 03 2023 at 12:17

^ So sorry to read this, guys! I'm at loss for words... My sincerest condolences!

lazland wrote: Oh my. So sorry to hear this. My step-brother committed suicide last month. The impact on family has been devastating. Peace to you JD.

^Thanks Greg.Would'a, Could'a, Should'a. You can't change the past.