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Dean View Drop Down
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Points: 37575 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 22 2014 at 15:32
Originally posted by Dayvenkirq Dayvenkirq wrote:

Originally posted by Dean Dean wrote:

Originally posted by Polymorphia Polymorphia wrote:

Originally posted by ProgMetaller2112 ProgMetaller2112 wrote:

Originally posted by Dayvenkirq Dayvenkirq wrote:

I was sweeping the floor with my cousin. Now I have to clean his clothes.


I don't get it? I don't have any jokes
Sweeping floor with cousin = using cousin in place of broom
Shocked that's absurd, that just doesn't make sense, that's like having a door in your pyjamas, it seems like a funny idea but it never happens and even if you did, where would it go and which side would the knob be on. I mean, Andrey's cousing would have to be really skinny and have a mass of curly hair and that's, well, just wrong because he'd be far more useful as a mop, you could even call him mop-head in fact I bet all his friends don't call him mop-head precisely for that reason because that's the kind of irony kids are into these days, and so Andrey would have said he was mopping the flour with his cousin and he didn't. so there.
Are you trying to kill the joke? That's the beauty of absurdist humor. It doesn't have to make sense. Big smile Think Steven Wright.

If this does clear things up, I've always used a push broom for both sweeping and mopping.
The beauty of absurdist humour is never having to think Steve Wright

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What?
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Points: 8650 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 22 2014 at 17:07
How do you keep a moron is suspense?

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Points: 8856 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 22 2014 at 17:10
Knock, knock
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Chris S View Drop Down
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Points: 7028 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 23 2014 at 03:34
Originally posted by Polymorphia Polymorphia wrote:

My parents always told me never to open the cellar door. But when I did I saw wonderfully strange things. Flowers, trees, the sun...

I saw a commercial about slip covers. It said "forget everything you know about slip covers." So I did, and it was a load off my mind. But then they started talkin' about these things called slip covers and I didn't know what the hell they were!
LOLLOL, you sir/madam are the oneliner champ
<font color=Brown>Music - The Sound Librarian

...As I venture through the slipstream, between the viaducts in your dreams...[/COLOR]
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Points: 15926 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 23 2014 at 03:46
Q. Who has a long white beard, a red and white suit, a sack on his back and horns on his head ???
A. Satan Claus
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Points: 8856 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 23 2014 at 08:38
Originally posted by Polymorphia Polymorphia wrote:

Knock, knock
Wow, I feel so lonely guise

Man walks into a bar with a piece of pavement under his arm. "One for me," he says to the bartender, "and one for the road."
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Points: 2822 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 23 2014 at 17:30
A guy walks into a bar.  *KLUNK*
"Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard." -- H.L. Mencken
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Points: 3834 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 24 2014 at 06:13
"I I bought some powdered water but I don't know what to add."

Steven Wright
"Market value is irrelevant to intrinsic value."

Arnold Schoenberg
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Points: 15926 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 24 2014 at 15:49
Patient : Doctor Doctor, I only have 59 seconds to live
Doctor : Oh, wait a minute, could you ??
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Points: 10970 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 26 2014 at 13:12
Originally posted by Marc Maron Marc Maron wrote:

Have you ever actually hated yourself so much that you actually took a nap?
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Points: 29630 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 27 2014 at 05:50
Why does Peter Pan fly?
If someone hit you in the peter with a pan, you'd fly, too.


Edited by Slartibartfast - January 27 2014 at 17:20
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Points: 29630 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 27 2014 at 17:21
Two men walk into a bar.
One man orders H20. 
The other says "I'll have H20, too."

The second man dies.
Released date are often when it it impacted you but recorded dates are when it really happened...
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Dean View Drop Down
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Points: 37575 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 27 2014 at 17:32
Originally posted by Slartibartfast Slartibartfast wrote:

Two men walk into a bar.
One man orders H20. 
The other says "I'll have H20, too."

The second man dies.
Reminds me of...

Old Abram Brown is dead and gone
We'll see his like no more,
For what he thought was H2O
Was H2SO4.
What?
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Points: 8856 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 28 2014 at 13:28
Two scientists walk into a bar.
One of them orders H20. 
The other says "I'll have a water. Why would you say H2O? Nobody calls it that outside of the lab. Strange."

Edited by Polymorphia - January 28 2014 at 13:28
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Points: 3834 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 28 2014 at 13:42
What time does Sean Connery arrive at Wimbledon?

Tenish.
"Market value is irrelevant to intrinsic value."

Arnold Schoenberg
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Points: 2720 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 29 2014 at 11:17
What is the sentence most used by the sociology graduate in his working life?
"Would you like fries with that?"
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Points: 14693 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 29 2014 at 11:26
How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A fish.

Jon Lord 1941 - 2012
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Points: 14693 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 29 2014 at 11:29
My favorite drummer joke:

Reporter: Face it, Ringo Starr wasn't the best drummer in the world, was he?

Paul McCartney: He wasn't the best drummer in the Beatles



Whoops, sorry, that wasn't actually a joke

Jon Lord 1941 - 2012
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Points: 29630 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 29 2014 at 19:50
Originally posted by Jim Garten Jim Garten wrote:

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A fish.
LOL




Edited by Slartibartfast - January 31 2014 at 10:46
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Points: 29630 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 31 2014 at 10:45
A beautiful woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre, so he gives it to her.
Released date are often when it it impacted you but recorded dates are when it really happened...
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