Shed 2 (The Gazebo)

As far as I know he's at home, preparing to invade Hereford.

Right back atcha Alan & to all us old fogies.

it's the Olly Murs album I secretly want though...

A fence panel came down during the windy-pops Saturday day night which meant replacing a rotten fencepost, making good a few wonky, wobbly ones and nailing the old panel back in place. A couple of hours manual work that didn't involve last minute christmas shopping and I felt quite proud of my impromptu DIY achievements on a Sunday morn. Unfortunately last night five more panels decided that horizontal fencing was a far better prospect under near gale-force conditions than vertical but thanks to my previous handiwork the fence posts had other ideas and chose to remain upright. The net result is kindling, or at least it will be if it should ever dry out enough for combustion, as the feather-board planks ripped themselves from their fixings and littered the lawn garden battlefield with their shattered remains. Luckily most of the resulting gaps do not pose a security or safety risk however unsightly a gappy fence may be, but one did need plugging for modesty and privacy but the panels were beyond repair, couldn't even McGuiver one serviceable panel from the remnants of the other four. Needless to say, the local builders merchant was closed for the holidays today but I did have 8 feet of willow screen and some scraps of timber in the shed that could be conscripted into service as a temporary makeshift barrier between neighbours driveway and our bathroom window, so set about with rechargeable drill, rechargeable electric screwdriver and a pocket full of 4" decking screws ... Sadly both labour saving electrical DIY items were replete with batteries in similar state of lacking sufficient charge to make a reassuring whirring noise when requested, let alone drive a 4" decking screw into an hardwood fencepost ... this called for the time-honoured tradition of swearing profusely while doing a convincing¹ Basil Fawlty impression in the backyard (to the possible bemusement of our neighbours, though not the cats, whose interest in what ever it was I was doing suddenly evaporated as they skedaddled off to wherever it is they skedaddle off to when the human that feeds them is throwing a paddy) as my long-suffering wife enacted the restorative ritual of "putting the kettle on for a nice cup of tea". An hour later, with myself and the screwdriver batteries suitably restored and partially recharged, (though alas not the drill's), I ventured back outside to finish the task in hand, using a corded drill on a 25m extension lead and if need be a very big hammer... to have the heavens open and dump upon me the coldest, wettest rain it's been my displeasure to experience in many a long year. Undeterred² I pressed on regardless of the onslaught of weather that the gods of GAMI³ decided to hurl my way. [Using electrical equipment in the pouring rain, what could possibly go wrong? It's double insulated, I'm wearing wellies and it's plugged into a Residual Current Breaker... I am typing this an hour latter so as you can see - I survived unscathed, though in hindsight I'd not recommend such a course of action to anyone, so don't try this at home, I'm a qualified idiot with a stubborn streak and have been irresponsible since birth - I'm pretty certain there are no copies of me surviving in any alternative parallel Universes, they have all met with extremely sticky and very gory ends and are featured on several RoSPA training videos in all those alternate realities]. Having cajoled the screen to stay in place while boards where screwed across the gap to support it, the job was finally done while I was soaked through to the nether garments and fingers had grown numb from the cold and somewhat inexplicably bloodied, though after subsequent washing and warming, not a scratch could be seen - I suspect that tomorrow a fingernail (or whole finger) will fall off or something due to infection because as I was already cold and wet, I decided to clean out the shed gutterª before returning to the relative warmth of "indoors" so what flesh-eating bacteria was growing in there is anyone's guess.

Dean, that's a very impressive piece of prose... I have thoroughly enjoyed reading about all these things happening to someone else during my lunch hour (yes, I don't finish until 5pm!) whilst absent-mindedly munching my way through nearly half a box of After Eight mints, thereby making myself feel sick.

I can forgive your lack of paragraphs, by the welcome inclusion of footnotes (there simply aren't enough posts created, where the author has taken the trouble create footnotes)... maybe next time, we could have an index and bibliography?

Not sure I like the idea of 'Spiced Cider', but then I've been diligently telling all my oldies that I'm partial to a drop of Real Ale, and they now stretch around the kitchen...

Dean wrote: A Winters Tale, Christmas Eve 2013 - just before noon. A fence panel came down during the windy-pops Saturday day night which meant replacing a rotten fencepost, making good a few wonky, wobbly ones and nailing the old panel back in place. A couple of hours manual work that didn't involve last minute christmas shopping and I felt quite proud of my impromptu DIY achievements on a Sunday morn. Unfortunately last night five more panels decided that horizontal fencing was a far better prospect under near gale-force conditions than vertical but thanks to my previous handiwork the fence posts had other ideas and chose to remain upright. The net result is kindling, or at least it will be if it should ever dry out enough for combustion, as the feather-board planks ripped themselves from their fixings and littered the lawn garden battlefield with their shattered remains. Luckily most of the resulting gaps do not pose a security or safety risk however unsightly a gappy fence may be, but one did need plugging for modesty and privacy but the panels were beyond repair, couldn't even McGuiver one serviceable panel from the remnants of the other four. Needless to say, the local builders merchant was closed for the holidays today but I did have 8 feet of willow screen and some scraps of timber in the shed that could be conscripted into service as a temporary makeshift barrier between neighbours driveway and our bathroom window, so set about with rechargeable drill, rechargeable electric screwdriver and a pocket full of 4" decking screws ... Sadly both labour saving electrical DIY items were replete with batteries in similar state of lacking sufficient charge to make a reassuring whirring noise when requested, let alone drive a 4" decking screw into an hardwood fencepost ... this called for the time-honoured tradition of swearing profusely while doing a convincing¹ Basil Fawlty impression in the backyard (to the possible bemusement of our neighbours, though not the cats, whose interest in what ever it was I was doing suddenly evaporated as they skedaddled off to wherever it is they skedaddle off to when the human that feeds them is throwing a paddy) as my long-suffering wife enacted the restorative ritual of "putting the kettle on for a nice cup of tea". An hour later, with myself and the screwdriver batteries suitably restored and partially recharged, (though alas not the drill's), I ventured back outside to finish the task in hand, using a corded drill on a 25m extension lead and if need be a very big hammer... to have the heavens open and dump upon me the coldest, wettest rain it's been my displeasure to experience in many a long year. Undeterred² I pressed on regardless of the onslaught of weather that the gods of GAMI³ decided to hurl my way. [Using electrical equipment in the pouring rain, what could possibly go wrong? It's double insulated, I'm wearing wellies and it's plugged into a Residual Current Breaker... I am typing this an hour latter so as you can see - I survived unscathed, though in hindsight I'd not recommend such a course of action to anyone, so don't try this at home, I'm a qualified idiot with a stubborn streak and have been irresponsible since birth - I'm pretty certain there are no copies of me surviving in any alternative parallel Universes, they have all met with extremely sticky and very gory ends and are featured on several RoSPA training videos in all those alternate realities]. Having cajoled the screen to stay in place while boards where screwed across the gap to support it, the job was finally done while I was soaked through to the nether garments and fingers had grown numb from the cold and somewhat inexplicably bloodied, though after subsequent washing and warming, not a scratch could be seen - I suspect that tomorrow a fingernail (or whole finger) will fall off or something due to infection because as I was already cold and wet, I decided to clean out the shed gutterª before returning to the relative warmth of "indoors" so what flesh-eating bacteria was growing in there is anyone's guess. The plan for today was to do sod-all but make mince pies, sausage rolls and cheese straws and to see whether Heston's Spiced Cider was all it was cracked up to be, but daughter has just phoned to say that all trains to Alton have been cancelled so I'm having to drive to Basingstoke to collect her and the bf. (whenever Hampshire needs an enema, Basingstoke is where they put the pipe). ¹ As convincing as any short, tubby, long-haired gothic-hippie sheditte can be of the lanky king of comedy known as The Cleese. ² and by undeterred I mean "with sheer bloody-mindedness".  ³ GAMI - the antithesis of DIY - Get A Man In. ª It's only during a down-pour that I ever notice these things - the stream of water coursing over the rim of the gutter instead of flowing gracefully into the water butt is a dead give-away I suppose.

Happy Christmas gents.  

can't help feeling that this jumper taps into the zeitgeist of our times...

Jim Garten wrote: Nope - Just saw the perfect one for me: Want it!

Got it

Yay Good old Santa.

chopper wrote: chopper wrote: Yay Good old Santa. He bought me a nice selection of prog CDs - Steven Wilson - Drive Home Steve Hackett - Genesis Revisited Live (3 CDs and 2 DVDs!) Big Big Train - Full Power (featuring a certain Simon Godfrey on bvs) Yes - Close To The Edge Steven Wilson remaster thingy. Lots of listening to do this weekend. Just had a quick watch of the Hackett DVD - all I can say is Supper's Ready - 'kin 'ell Firth of Fifth - 'kin 'ell Musical Box - 'kin 'ell. Guys, if you like Genesis then you really need to get this!