Priceless Moments...

Whenever dating/marrying/intimating/sleeping on the side with/two timing a Proghole, several implications may come up just to give the proper amount of hatred/wrath/repulsiveness/yuckiness/spite towards Progressive rock coming from your couple. He/she/it may rely on your love/passion/admiration/devotion/adoration/ to Prog just to piss you off/make you go crazy/kick you in the teeth/mess up with you/tell you off and have a good laugh out of it. Being a Proghole may imply mockery/finger pointing/scolding/scoffing/making fun upon you and it’ll make of any given day, a living hell.

So, in order to prolong no more the suffering/pain/angst/despair/insanity here are some of the statements your beloved/love bird/other/it/the thing next to me in bed may come up with out of the blue: (not numbered specifically or in order of importance, just like sudden death, they popped into my mind as followed)

1. “Hey druggie! Listening to some more “demoniac” prog-rock music, are we?”
2. “Say babe, wouldn’t it be nice to have Fish and Mr. H up on the same stage singing along “It’s not unusual”?
3. “We’re definitely not naming our baby girl “Vera”, “Grendel”, “Fragile”, “Sphinx” or “Karn”! And you can forget about “Petronella” as well…”
4. “So, who is this “Rael” character anyway?”
5. “Steve Howe is so hot!”
6. “Grob… Grobshn… Grobshn… come again now?”
7. “Just the other day, I listened to “Supper’s Ready” and I think it was “OK”…
8. “OMG! Could that song be any longer?”
9. “No sweetie, I’m pretty sure KoRn arranged and composed that song “Another Brick in the Wall”… and stop making up names like “Pink Floyd” or whatever…”
10. “Are you out of your mind? “Close to the Edge” is so not being our first dance at our wedding…”
11. “Gentle Giant! That name is so funny! hehe”
12. “Well, I’m pretty sure “Lady Fantasy” is the title to one of Ron Jeremy’s films!”
13. “I think “Both Sides of the Story” is proggier than “The Crime in the Nursery”… “Nursery Cryme” you say? Oh well… potato, potatoe…”
14. “Van der Graaf Generator…”, nope, doesn’t ring any bells! Do they play any “trance” or “psycho” music???”
15. “I’m not an expert here, but “90125” sounds proggy enough to me…”
16. “…and speaking of nothing, you think Peter Gabriel is related to Juan Gabriel?”
17. “Oh baby! I’m so glad you love TLC as well! Oh… ELP you say!”
18. “Oh you hate my mom’s cooking now, huh? Well.. ermmm… hmmm… yeah, I hope Steve Wilson falls down the stairs and they call Barry Manilow to fill in their upcoming tour!”
19. “Wouldn’t it be so cool if Tony Levin joined “The Saturday Night Live” band?”
20. “Did you know Fish’s real name is actually Derek Dick??? I thought his parents were just mean by naming him that…”
21. “Guess who’s coming to dinner? Jon Anderson in the flesh! …haha happy “April’s Fool” day!”
22. “Let’s name our dog Roger Waters!”
23. “Walt Disney kicks Gerald Scarfe’s ass! Seriously!”
24. “Steve Howe is so very extremely hot!”
25. “Prog rock sucks man!”

Feel free to add up your own…

Land

27- isnt Radiohead a daring band, i mean, their songs are on average 5 minutes long!!!!.......thats too much!

28. Yeah i love Pink Floyd, "Money", "Wish You were here" and "Another Brick in the Wall pt. 2" are their best !!!

29. Why does Peter Gabriel do all those silly voices? I prefer "Sledgehammer".

30. I think Mariah Carey has a fine voice, she should join a prog band!!

31. So i like Yes?......NO!!!hahahah........................(me)

37) All these bands shouldn't be so highfalutin with their lyrics. I think Sir Mix a Lot and his big butts was on to something.

ACTUAL STATEMENTS FROM FAMILY OVER THE YEARS

38) Emerson Lake & Palmer..never heard of them... Oh, Lucky Man...that was them??  They were prog??...  (My cousin)

39) Greg Lake... I fished there one summer...great lake for trout.  (My Uncle)

40)  ELP... weren't they that pretentious band...(my brother, just joking I hope)

41) Why do you call that progressive rock, sounds more like classical rock to me.. (my Mom)

42) Who in the hell can rock out to a hammond organ... (another cousin - guess he wasn't a fan of the Doors either...)

Prog fans make excellent lovers, ladies (and gentlemen). We know how to take our time setting the mood, and tend to start things off really slow. You'll never get bored; we like to throw in a lot of twists and turns, changes of rhythm, and demonstrations of technical skill. We are rarely troubled with premature ejaculation, although there are a lot of one-album wonders... and many of us did our best work when we were much younger. The only thing you really have to worry about is that some of us like to change costumes in between songs...