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VanderGraafKommandöh View Drop Down
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Points: 89372 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: December 07 2008 at 12:59
Rock Bottom

So yeah, like Wyatt had an accident, broke his back and yeah, you know the rest.  So why produce this rubbish?  I mean, what the hell?  Ivor Cutler is a weird Scotsman and he makes no sense, why include him?  What's a Lunch/Tea anyhow?  Why is a hedgehog in the road?  Not one note of this "album" is worthy of anyones time, it's full of nonesense lyrics, whiney vocalisations by Wyatt, who's only real claim to fame was performing on Top of the Pops singing a Monkees tune... that said, that performance got lost... I'm not surprised!  But it turned up again... boo!  Don't get me wrong, I feel sorry for the guy, he had an accident and now looks like Santa.  A cuddly Santa mind you.  But his music... ewwweuurggh!  Alifie my larder... you what?  make sense man, come on!  Actually, I have thought of one redeeming feature and that's the epicness of the solo by Mr. Tubular Bells himself with his generic yet loveable guitar playing on the final track.  And who's that woman?  Urgh!  Spoken word never works Bob, so don't use it!

This album is a dismal failure and doesn't warrant any of the 5 star reviews shown above, not even the one by my alter-ego who loves the album.  He's a fopdoodle.

Avoid at all costs!


Edited by James - December 07 2008 at 13:00
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MovingPictures07 View Drop Down
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Points: 32181 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: December 07 2008 at 13:08
Originally posted by James James wrote:

Rock Bottom

So yeah, like Wyatt had an accident, broke his back and yeah, you know the rest.  So why produce this rubbish?  I mean, what the hell?  Ivor Cutler is a weird Scotsman and he makes no sense, why include him?  What's a Lunch/Tea anyhow?  Why is a hedgehog in the road?  Not one note of this "album" is worthy of anyones time, it's full of nonesense lyrics, whiney vocalisations by Wyatt, who's only real claim to fame was performing on Top of the Pops singing a Monkees tune... that said, that performance got lost... I'm not surprised!  But it turned up again... boo!  Don't get me wrong, I feel sorry for the guy, he had an accident and now looks like Santa.  A cuddly Santa mind you.  But his music... ewwweuurggh!  Alifie my larder... you what?  make sense man, come on!  Actually, I have thought of one redeeming feature and that's the epicness of the solo by Mr. Tubular Bells himself with his generic yet loveable guitar playing on the final track.  And who's that woman?  Urgh!  Spoken word never works Bob, so don't use it!

This album is a dismal failure and doesn't warrant any of the 5 star reviews shown above, not even the one by my alter-ego who loves the album.  He's a fopdoodle.

Avoid at all costs!


ClapClapClapClapClap

Nice one, James. LOL
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VanderGraafKommandöh View Drop Down
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Points: 89372 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: December 07 2008 at 13:12
No problem.

i'm waiting for your 5 star Pawn Hearts review instead of the fake one you have up now. Wink
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MovingPictures07 View Drop Down
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Points: 32181 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: December 07 2008 at 13:14
Originally posted by James James wrote:

No problem.

i'm waiting for your 5 star Pawn Hearts review instead of the fake one you have up now. Wink


I may just have to do that. Wink
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TGM: Orb View Drop Down
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Points: 8052 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: December 07 2008 at 14:39
Originally posted by MovingPictures07 MovingPictures07 wrote:

Originally posted by James James wrote:

No problem.

i'm waiting for your 5 star Pawn Hearts review instead of the fake one you have up now. Wink


I may just have to do that. Wink


You can use mine, if you want.
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Bern View Drop Down
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Points: 11746 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: December 07 2008 at 16:08
Originally posted by CPicard CPicard wrote:

I have a question about this thread: must we write nonsense reviews, absurd ones, vindicative ones... Or serious ones with humour?


All of those works.

We've been inclining towards the nonsense and absurd ones though.

RIP in bossa nova heaven.
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Bern View Drop Down
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Points: 11746 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: December 07 2008 at 16:23




At first, I thought that album was just like really groovy, ya know?

I liked the lyrics. They were like totally out there :

-Hey Punk! Where you goin' with that flower in your hand?
-I'm going to the Frisco to join a psychedelic band!

Man! That's just awesome. I can definitely relate with that. Far out.

But, after a while, I realised that my man Zappa was like making fun of me and my friends. I think they called it satire or something. Woah... That's like totally uncool ya know. I was disappointed. The album cover reminded me of one of my favorite psychedelia album. Zappa and his friends even dress and look like us... And at first I was like "Yeah man there is even an indian in the group". How's that for fighting racism? Awesome. Peace and love for everyone.

But it turns out Zappa is not that groovy after all... Now, I feel like I got trapped.

I'll need a big dose of free love to forget about it.

RIP in bossa nova heaven.
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Points: 8581 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: December 07 2008 at 17:32
JOURNEY Escape progressive rock album and reviews Prog Related
(Studio Album, 1982)
3.16/5
(11 ratings)
JOURNEY — Escape
Review by blechPuketrucci
I like this album, but Dream Theater is a band of posers. They're all like, "I'm a classically trained
 musician and we write some good music" and their fans are all like, "OM!G Petrusky
 is God and I'm Nicholas...no your not.. I'm the Miracle and Ytse ditsy do blah blah blah".
  I'll Give an example: Momavishnu Orchestra, the greatest symphonic porg band ever plays
all tastefully and their ;yrics make sense and there guitar pwns. But Dream Theater sucks.  Especially Pretrushi. That guys all like, "I cut my hair so now I can has a classic proger look like
Peter Hamil" There fans needs to listen to some real Prog Metal like every other prog who pwns them. Then they will understand real lyric singing context and guitars playing. Technical playing is all nonfeeling and junk.
You have to be like more feeling and make sense of things like words and stuff.

Oh yeah, I recomend this album and Dream Theatre is a suck.     

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Dean View Drop Down
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Points: 37575 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: December 07 2008 at 18:04
I'd love to take credit for this, but I can't - I found it on Amazon...
Genesis: Interview Picture Disc Cover Art

It's Genesis. Now, I happen to be a Genesis fan who adores the ground they walk on. (Or more to the point, the ground Phil Collins walks on). This CD is for the collectors, or for major fans of Genesis or Phil Collins. Or for the Music buff. The content is an interveiw with Genesis, and it tells about their history, and stuff that most Genesis fans know already. But it reveals some interesting new ideas on the songs and how they came to be, which made the whole CD worth it to me. Besides, it's always fun to hear Phil's voice, isn't it?
What?
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Points: 24429 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: December 07 2008 at 18:07
Originally posted by Tapfret Tapfret wrote:

JOURNEY Escape progressive rock album and reviews Prog Related
(Studio Album, 1982)
3.16/5
(11 ratings)
JOURNEY — Escape
Review by blechPuketrucci
I like this album, but Dream Theater is a band of posers. They're all like, "I'm a classically trained
 musician and we write some good music" and their fans are all like, "OM!G Petrusky
 is God and I'm Nicholas...no your not.. I'm the Miracle and Ytse ditsy do blah blah blah".
  I'll Give an example: Momavishnu Orchestra, the greatest symphonic porg band ever plays
all tastefully and their ;yrics make sense and there guitar pwns. But Dream Theater sucks.  Especially Pretrushi. That guys all like, "I cut my hair so now I can has a classic proger look like
Peter Hamil" There fans needs to listen to some real Prog Metal like every other prog who pwns them. Then they will understand real lyric singing context and guitars playing. Technical playing is all nonfeeling and junk.
You have to be like more feeling and make sense of things like words and stuff.

Oh yeah, I recomend this album and Dream Theatre is a suck.     


Pure masterlinessClapClapClap!
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Points: 67407 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: December 07 2008 at 18:33
Jethro Tull - Thick as a Brick


This is actually my first review, so...

What can you expect of an old paper? You guessed it: Not much!

First of all, I can't really tell what Jethro Tull is doing on a prog site! To me he was always just a regular folk music artist, nothing more. OK, there are (lengthy?) flute solos, sometimes even in un-usual time signatures, but to me that simple isn't enough! There should be strings, mellodrones and more symphonistic song structures. (On earlier Tull albums all the songs were pretty much straightforward pop, now there only one song that seems to lack no strcutrure at all!

The lyrics are pretty cheesy throughout, with wornout images of kings, soldiers, castles and horses thrown in with more regular semi-erotic british jokes. Let's face it, Monty Python did it much, much better! He even tries to wear funny clothes on stage to enhance the humor, but let's face it: Napoleon wore similar clothes, yet he's not on PA!

When this album was released in the 70's for the first time, it was actually wrapped in a fictional news paper. I wonder if people accidentally discarded it with some other papers, because the new CD edition is safely packed in a regular plastic CD case, as it should be. However, the text on the booklet is really small. Embarrarressed for the lyrics now and thus made them too small for us to read, eh, mr. Tull?

I can't understand why this sorry excuse for a PROG(!) album is reted so high here on this site! To me there's really nothing good about it. The music which tries to be catchy ends up ridiculosly pop-oriented, and the other parts which just seem to be going nowhere wander on and on pretty much aimlessly. Side II starts like this, then turns out repetitive! The different parts of the "song" are really not tied together at all, except for the "chorus" part that sometimes repeats.

Over all, what can I say? Don't avoid, but don't really approach either. One star! (One-and-a-half-stars, really!)
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Points: 7826 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 23 2010 at 12:19




THiS is teh best album EVR!!!!!

OK from beginning - i just like to say; this man is genius. And this is first album by such genius. as you can expect from genius this is genius album. i really Like the music because its a masterpiece. This is prog but very good version. by good version i mean like torman maxt which is best band ever. but if simon railton were in a band that would be best band ever. i would buy this album if i Were you cuase its great. also the production is great. its hard for me believeing this was made in his basement on a cheap laptop.

Check out my YouTube channel! http://www.youtube.com/user/demiseoftime
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Epignosis View Drop Down
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Points: 32530 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 23 2010 at 12:29
lol
https://epignosis.bandcamp.com/album/a-month-of-sundays
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Points: 7826 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 23 2010 at 12:34
Oh don't worry... I have more comin' Evil Smile

Check out my YouTube channel! http://www.youtube.com/user/demiseoftime
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Points: 4395 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 23 2010 at 12:58
Scenes From A Memory

How could I not give this 5 stars? This album has the one thing every prog album needs: orgasms. Just that one thing would win this 5 stars. But look at what else is here. The main characters name is Nicholas. That's my best friends name!! Isn't that a coinky-dink? And Julian is nicknamed "The Sleeper." I love sleeping! And his name starts with J, like mine! And doesn't the hypnotherapist have the most awesome voice? He's without a doubt the best concept album character of all time from that voice alone. With all these points, this album deserves 8 stars, maybe 9. But this damned system won't let me give anymore than 5. I request that this is fixed.
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DisgruntledPorcupine View Drop Down
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Points: 4395 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 23 2010 at 13:06
Images and Words

There is a fast food restaurant known as A&W. I ordered from them a Double Teen Burger with fries. I went home and opened the bag and what did I find? A Grandpa Burger. I think they are trying to call me old! THAT IS A HUGE INSULT! I am 15 years old, not a grandpa! I demand vengeance upon that establishment. So while scouring this site, I found this album. The album is abbreviated I&W. After thinking, I found that is similar to A&W! A&W IS USING THIS ALBUM TO HIDE THEIR IDENTITY FROM PEOPLE THEY INSULT  SUCH AS MYSELF!!! I shall give this 1 star to show my disapproval of their insults towards me, and hope to lead an entire army of people to give them 1 star and run them out of business!!
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Points: 42 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 23 2010 at 18:46
(I haven't even bothered to insert a star rating because this rotten piece of monkey buttocks deserves ZIP-A-DEE-DOO-DAH)
 

Now, I must admit, I am the biggest fan of chigago ever! I have all of their albums! I have one through two hundred sixty nine and much to my wife's dismay I have lined them in chronological order over our the fire place in our living room. I debate with my fellow forty year old yuppies whether Chigago 19 or 20 is their absolute peak of excellence! I admittedly weeped like a woman when I heard Cetera sing “You’re the Inspiration” at a solo concert in 2004. I have by absolutely legal means (I promise there was no bribery, blackmail, or threatening with weapontry involved.) gotten all of the core members of Chicago to autograph my buttocks (even the late Terry Kath) and haven’t washed it since*

 

Now despite all this I still consider myself a “modest expert” of all things Chicago but theres only one thing this “modest expert” can never hope to comprehend and it is the bands debut . Now, I can understand that sometimes bands can be shocking naïve, ignorant and even stupid with all of the band members being a bunch of youthful, naïve stupid heads but I am simply mortified that these said stupidheads could create such an abysmal, hack job crapfest such as the Chicago Transit Authority.  

 

This album is a piece of crap in comparison to their later work and I blame their former guitarist, Terry Kath. First of all, who gives half a banana at this guy’s musical taste? He’s obviously an idiot who had the most moronic rock star death ever! What’s more embarassing then dying masturbating in a bath tub?! Being drunk, holding a loaded gun to yourself and saying “duuuh look I’m gunna shoot ma self with an empty gun”! Who flippen cares! Really? So what if he like jazz rock and prog rock and w**k rock. WHAT KIND OF DWEEBS LISTEN TO THAT STUFF? Adult comtemporary is the only thing that matters! I’m sorry but Kath needed to die for chicago to prosper! Muwhaha! Only then, could Cetera let his creative inspiration FLOWWWWWW! BE FREE!

 

SAAAATERDAAAY EEEN THE PARRRK! I THINK IT WAS THE FORTH OF JULLY!

 

 

*No offense to fans of Chicago. This is a minor exaggeration of Chicago fandom.
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Points: 34550 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 23 2010 at 18:57
Octavarium by Dream Theater

Six Stars

If you don't like this album, go jump off a bridge.
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Points: 28772 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 23 2010 at 19:28
This banana is a one of a kind listening experience.  The way it sings, you can't even hear some of the notes, but the ones that you can hear are just simply mind-blowing.  Every time the fish speaks, you think about life.  Why was I born here and not there, what am I meant to do with my time here?  Should I care so much about lemons and working, or should I just grab my towel and go hitching around the universe?  That's what I think about while watching this banana do its thing.  A banana is a strange enough object...ever notice how often prog musicians seem to focus on them?  Maybe a banana is a progressive fruit.  It's certainly designed with thumbs in mind.  I don't normally like bananas, though.  I like pineapples.  They're more challenging, generally not as easy to get to and devour.  That's half of the fun.  Plus, pineapples taste soooooo much better than bananas.  Sometimes the smell of bananas really puts me off.  Pineapples, though...I love everything about them.  The taste, the texture, the smell...the design.  Look at them, I mean.  So avant-garde, really.  I can consume pineapple just about any way you can give it to me.  Chunks, spears, all at once, the juice, whatever.  Just give me pineapple!

And that's why I think everyone would like Herbie Hancock's Crossings. 
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Points: 89372 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 23 2010 at 19:47
Jean Louis - Jean Louis

Squonk squeal squonk squeal waaaaaaaaaaaaaah squonk squeal waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.  I have a headache now.

This album is lame.  Not even Jesus could cure it of its badness.  They sure can't play them instruments either.  Noise noise noise.  ARGH!  Whose idea was it to put a trumpet through an effects pedal?  Hmmm hmmm?  Tell me, whose?  It's awful.  I almost crashed my car the other day because I made the mistake of trying to play in the car... a man flashed me.

If you want to know what Chinese water torture feels like, try Phil Collins.  In fact, he'd be an improvement on this rancid swill.

Luke is clueless about music.  Never recommend me anything again.  Jean Louis?  John Lewis?  Now it makes sense!  They have named themselves after the very expensive high street British shop.  Not clever guys.  Very not clever.

1/5 stars.  Only suitable for Luke.
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