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progkidjoel
Prog Reviewer
Joined: March 02 2009
Location: Australia
Status: Offline
Points: 19643
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Posted: January 27 2010 at 05:39 |
Should I make a story about my love for Vompatti?
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The Sleepwalker
Prog Reviewer
Joined: February 03 2009
Location: The Netherlands
Status: Offline
Points: 15141
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Posted: January 27 2010 at 05:42 |
Yes!!
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progkidjoel
Prog Reviewer
Joined: March 02 2009
Location: Australia
Status: Offline
Points: 19643
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Posted: January 27 2010 at 05:47 |
Its a think piece about life in the suburbs. It is a spoken word story, no pictures!
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progkidjoel
Prog Reviewer
Joined: March 02 2009
Location: Australia
Status: Offline
Points: 19643
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Posted: January 27 2010 at 06:04 |
I once loved a wombat
A wombat I did
They called him Vompatti
Vompatti, the kid!
Vompatti was ugly,
And smelt like a shoe
He had dirty fingernails
And rotten teeth, too!
I met my love
In the cold part of June
He was there on the street,
playing bassoon!
He approached me and asked
For some wieners and peas
So I told him I loved him
And he said he loved me!
We walked through the park
And he bought me some milk
He told me my hair was
Much softer than silk!
But Vompatti my love,
Was lying you see
For I did not love him
For he could not love me!
Vompatti did tell me
"but I love you so!
If you will not keep me,
Then where shall I go?"
I said to him,
"Get out, get out you poo!
You do not love me,
And I will NEVER love you!"
He told me he'd kill me
And burn down my house
If my decision would be
To deny him his spouse!
So I called the police
But he ripped out the phone cord,
So I reached for my gun
And he reached for his sword!
I laughed at his blade, I said
"You'll never beat me!"
But as I was laughing,
I needed to pee!
So I went to the toilet
And urinated, I did!
But there was Vompatti,
Vompatti the kid!
I jumped in my shock,
And Vompatti stabbed me!
So I shot him in the face,
And continued to pee!
But then came a Dutchman,
A midget biker one!
And he said to us,
"LOL CAN I JOIN IN ON TEH FUN"
So the battle continued,
Epic and bold,
It went from summer to winter,
And the days became cold.
No-one had won,
And no-one had lost,
But soon the anger faded,
Along with the frost!
For I shot Vompatti,
And Vompatti stabbed me
And the midget Dutch biker
Did yell out with glee:
"Now why are we fighting,
When we could put on Dream Theater?!"
And with his last breath,
Vompatti turned up the heater.
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The Sleepwalker
Prog Reviewer
Joined: February 03 2009
Location: The Netherlands
Status: Offline
Points: 15141
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Posted: January 27 2010 at 06:11 |
Wow, Joel! Great story, and some part are just amazing!
JOEL wrote:
We walked through the park And he bought me some milk He told me my hair was Much softer than silk! |
I can already see what this scene would look like. So romantic!
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Vompatti
Forum Senior Member
VIP Member
Joined: October 22 2005
Location: elsewhere
Status: Offline
Points: 67407
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Posted: January 27 2010 at 06:15 |
No pictures?! What were you thinkging???!!!
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The Sleepwalker
Prog Reviewer
Joined: February 03 2009
Location: The Netherlands
Status: Offline
Points: 15141
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Posted: January 27 2010 at 06:19 |
Even without pictures Joel's story is much better than your story, Vompatti.
Edited by floydispink - January 27 2010 at 06:20
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Vompatti
Forum Senior Member
VIP Member
Joined: October 22 2005
Location: elsewhere
Status: Offline
Points: 67407
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Posted: January 27 2010 at 06:22 |
It doesn't even rhyme!
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The Sleepwalker
Prog Reviewer
Joined: February 03 2009
Location: The Netherlands
Status: Offline
Points: 15141
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Posted: January 27 2010 at 06:24 |
Neither did your arse magna!
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Vompatti
Forum Senior Member
VIP Member
Joined: October 22 2005
Location: elsewhere
Status: Offline
Points: 67407
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Posted: January 27 2010 at 06:27 |
IT WASN'T EVEN MEANT TO!!! (And it's ARS magna, you fool!!! )
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The Sleepwalker
Prog Reviewer
Joined: February 03 2009
Location: The Netherlands
Status: Offline
Points: 15141
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Posted: January 27 2010 at 06:35 |
Is it that easy to make you whine!?
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Vompatti
Forum Senior Member
VIP Member
Joined: October 22 2005
Location: elsewhere
Status: Offline
Points: 67407
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Posted: January 27 2010 at 06:38 |
I WAS NOT WHINING!!!!!
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The Sleepwalker
Prog Reviewer
Joined: February 03 2009
Location: The Netherlands
Status: Offline
Points: 15141
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Posted: January 27 2010 at 06:42 |
Aaaaaaw, poor whiny wombat.
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Vompatti
Forum Senior Member
VIP Member
Joined: October 22 2005
Location: elsewhere
Status: Offline
Points: 67407
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Posted: January 27 2010 at 09:59 |
A Verse-by-Verse Commentary on a Recent Story1. You may really have loved me I cannot deny But to call me a kid? Why, why, oh why? 2. It's true that I'm ugly It's true that I smell But my teeth are NOT rotten They bite perfectly well! 3. I never met no one Who'd love me at all I played the bassoon No one answered my call. 4. And I'm much too shy To ask anyone For wieners or peas Or indeed for their love! 5. I just can't afford To buy milk to strangers Not even if their hair Was softer than a manger filled with straws and stuff. 6. And about my love I would never lie Why would I do that Why, why, oh why? 7. And if you don't love me I don't give a rat's rear end I'll go where I please Regardless of whether you love me or not, my friend. 8. Even if I don't love you I would not let you tell me To get out, in fact I'd Ignore you and ring a bell, whee! 9. I may very well kill you And burn down your house But if I will, it's not because You didn't marry me, you lousy mouse! 10. I don't have a sword To wield against you And you don't have a gun You disgusting little . . . eww! 11., 12., 13. I actually like these verses Because they're mostly about Urinating, which is something I really enjoy a lot. 14. There was no midget biker I think you made him up And besides, even if there had been I would have tied him to a volcano that's about to erupt. 15. The battle was short Less than an hour It took less time Than it takes milk to get sour if kept in the fridge. 16. I was the winner You were the loser Then there was this one chick But we had to lose her. 17. I would not let you shoot me Not with a gun But perhaps with a camera It could be jolly fun! 18. I think we both know Dream Theater Does not rhyme with heater So why didn't you use a sentence Ending with the word "meter"?
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The Sleepwalker
Prog Reviewer
Joined: February 03 2009
Location: The Netherlands
Status: Offline
Points: 15141
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Posted: January 27 2010 at 12:17 |
Is this your true arse magna? It's very good, though you used to make better stories.
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The Sleepwalker
Prog Reviewer
Joined: February 03 2009
Location: The Netherlands
Status: Offline
Points: 15141
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Posted: January 27 2010 at 12:36 |
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Vompatti
Forum Senior Member
VIP Member
Joined: October 22 2005
Location: elsewhere
Status: Offline
Points: 67407
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Posted: January 27 2010 at 12:52 |
OMG ITZ EVEN BETTR THAN PART I!!! The only thing I didn't like about it was die Kids aus der Kindergarten.
Edited by Vompatti - January 27 2010 at 12:53
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The Sleepwalker
Prog Reviewer
Joined: February 03 2009
Location: The Netherlands
Status: Offline
Points: 15141
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Posted: January 27 2010 at 12:57 |
Danke, Patti!
What exactly didn't you like about the kindergarten kids?
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Vompatti
Forum Senior Member
VIP Member
Joined: October 22 2005
Location: elsewhere
Status: Offline
Points: 67407
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Posted: January 27 2010 at 13:02 |
They run around on the yard in large groups and shout silly things in a very loud voice. Frankly I don't think such disgusting creatures should appear in stories at all.
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The Sleepwalker
Prog Reviewer
Joined: February 03 2009
Location: The Netherlands
Status: Offline
Points: 15141
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Posted: January 27 2010 at 13:07 |
Do you really need to whine about everything?
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