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el dingo 
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2008
Location: Norwich UK
Status: Offline
Points: 7053
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 Posted: November 30 2009 at 11:20 |
Answers to follow shortly (the Surgery Cleaner's just arrived and I have to let her in. I think her name is Alice)
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It's not that I can't find worth in anything, it's just that I can't find worth in enough.
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el dingo
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2008
Location: Norwich UK
Status: Offline
Points: 7053
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Posted: November 30 2009 at 11:28 |
 ExittheLemming wrote:
Dear Dr Dingo
Is it true that when the two ends of a skin rash meet, you die ?
Does listening to Prog lead to varicose veins ?
Does your nurse do house calls ?
Worried (Australia)
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Hi - just had to let the cleaner in (phew!) Okay:
No it just means you're on the cover of Love Beach and the fake tan has started to wear off. It won't kill you, you'll just wear ridiculous clothing and earn loads of dollars for the rest of your life.
Yes but only if your favourite instrument is double bass drums and you constantly mime the part without the actual kit.
No. But the cleaner does though and she sure dusted down Vompatti last week.
You're worried - I'm stuck over here 10 months of the year 
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It's not that I can't find worth in anything, it's just that I can't find worth in enough.
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The Sleepwalker
Prog Reviewer
Joined: February 03 2009
Location: The Netherlands
Status: Offline
Points: 15141
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Posted: November 30 2009 at 11:45 |
el dingo wrote:
floydispink wrote:
el dingo wrote:
floydispink wrote:
I've got some serious problems. Todey I went to school and the wombats have been following me. They were waiting for me outside my classroom and followed me even in the bus. After school I went to a record store, and again the wombats were following me. Right now they're looking at me through my window in a very strange way. Dr. dingo... I think they're in love with me! What should I do?
Not Joel's option, that's too violent! |
Lets face it, wombats are a pest. Practically vermin in fact. Do not dismiss the advice of ProgkidJoel too lightly, grasshopper. If they are capable of buying a bus ticket they must be unusually intelligent examples of the species, so do not underestimate them. But the fact that they HAVE SEX IN YOUR GARDEN cannot be tolerated.
I suggest you try and speak with their leader. He will be the one with the white fur as opposed to the dull grey extra-smelly mangy fur of the rest. If he does not understand or fails to comply with your reasoned request to f*** off and bug somebody else (taking his filthy tribe with him) I suggest a trip to your local military hardware store will provide the perfect answer for only a small outlay.
There's no need to be cruel, a nice armalite or AK47 will do to kill them cleanly - and think of the fun you can have deciding which order to kill them in 
Then you have two choices. You can find the poor and feed the wombats to them as Joel suggests, or you can simply sling them in the bin.
Final point. Do as the fighting Danes of old did. Let ONE WOMBAT escape so he can tell all his miscreant rodent mates not to mess with FloydisPink. Your immediate environs will remain wombat-free for the forseeable future. |
That might work Dr. dingo, I have noticed the wombat leader already, and I'll tell him what I think of their behavior. I'll tell you what the results are if I'm finished.
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Nurse Katya asks me to point out that you must not for one second treat this creature as a cute cuddly thing. It is the enemy and you must drive it and its cohorts away or kill them. Any doubts - straight to military hardware and follow the instructions on the box. |
I talked to the wombat leader and he said he and his mates were looking for their lost friend wombat. This specific wombat was swallowed by the sea when the ancient wombat kingdom "Atlantis" sunk. They still know that he's alive though. The reason that they went to my place was because they sensed messages from the lost wombat here with their highly advanced build in radar systems. I told them to search in Finland and they are going there now.
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el dingo
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2008
Location: Norwich UK
Status: Offline
Points: 7053
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Posted: November 30 2009 at 12:00 |
^
Go get the military hardware in case they come back. It sounds like a good story, but wombats are born storytellers... good luck. I've tipped off my friend in Finnish immigration that they're on their way
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It's not that I can't find worth in anything, it's just that I can't find worth in enough.
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The Sleepwalker
Prog Reviewer
Joined: February 03 2009
Location: The Netherlands
Status: Offline
Points: 15141
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Posted: November 30 2009 at 12:03 |
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I've already secured my house, Dr. dingo. As we all know wombats are incredibly shy and insecure when facing the mighty beavers, so I got a couple of beavers to guard my house and garden. I'm sure they won't return.
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el dingo
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2008
Location: Norwich UK
Status: Offline
Points: 7053
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Posted: November 30 2009 at 12:05 |
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So am I FiP, so am I.
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It's not that I can't find worth in anything, it's just that I can't find worth in enough.
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Vibrationbaby
Forum Senior Member
Joined: February 13 2004
Status: Offline
Points: 6898
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Posted: November 30 2009 at 12:34 |
Dr. Dingo,
I have a much bigger problem than wombats. If it were only wombats I wouldn't be writing these desperate words. It's nothing a well placed laser guided bunker buster bomb won' t solve but I don't want trouble with the authorities. It's that b*****d down the street with his Santa and reindeer display. He's even got Christmas music playing on loudspeakers and he's turning the neighbours against me. I feel alone. Please help.
Edited by Vibrationbaby - November 30 2009 at 12:35
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Slartibartfast
Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator / In Memoriam
Joined: April 29 2006
Location: Atlantais
Status: Offline
Points: 29630
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Posted: November 30 2009 at 12:37 |
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Who ate the world?
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Released date are often when it it impacted you but recorded dates are when it really happened... 
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el dingo
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2008
Location: Norwich UK
Status: Offline
Points: 7053
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Posted: November 30 2009 at 12:54 |
Vibrationbaby wrote:
Dr. Dingo,
I have a much bigger problem than wombats. If it were only wombats I wouldn't be writing these desperate words. It's nothing a well placed laser guided bunker buster bomb won' t solve but I don't want trouble with the authorities. It's that b*****d down the street with his Santa and reindeer display. He's even got Christmas music playing on loudspeakers and he's turning the neighbours against me. I feel alone. Please help.
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Oh boy. Every neighbourhood seems to have one of these. When did it appear - July or August? Don't feel alone O master of the skies, there's a guy round here with two chimneys who runs a sleigh complete with Santa and reindeer between the stacks. No music tho. He comes round with the charity bucket thinking we all like it so much we should contribute. Apparently he keeps about 30 per cent for himself because of the massive electricity bills  .
Other than a show of solidarity I can do little to help. Unless... have you got a pal at the local substation who knows how to cause a (very) local powercut?
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It's not that I can't find worth in anything, it's just that I can't find worth in enough.
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el dingo
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2008
Location: Norwich UK
Status: Offline
Points: 7053
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Posted: November 30 2009 at 12:56 |
Slartibartfast wrote:
Who ate the world? |
That's easy. I 'ate the world - and everybody in it (except nurse Katya)
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It's not that I can't find worth in anything, it's just that I can't find worth in enough.
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crimhead
Forum Senior Member
VIP Member
Joined: October 10 2006
Location: Missouri
Status: Offline
Points: 19236
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Posted: November 30 2009 at 13:06 |
Slartibartfast wrote:
Nurse me, nurse me, Katya. 
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Helloooooooooooooooooooooo Nurse!
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el dingo
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2008
Location: Norwich UK
Status: Offline
Points: 7053
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Posted: November 30 2009 at 13:11 |
Hi Crimhead how are ya babe? Yes Sir what's the problem. Tell me and I'll refer you to Dr Dingo. You can tell me anything Crimhead. Anything at all (giggle).
Doctor's note: Don't be unprofessional Katya. Just find out what's wrong with him and lets make some money here fer Chrissakes.
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It's not that I can't find worth in anything, it's just that I can't find worth in enough.
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The Sleepwalker
Prog Reviewer
Joined: February 03 2009
Location: The Netherlands
Status: Offline
Points: 15141
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Posted: November 30 2009 at 13:14 |
el dingo wrote:
Hi Crimhead how are ya babe? Yes Sir what's the problem. Tell me and I'll refer you to Dr Dingo. You can tell me anything Crimhead. Anything at all (giggle).
Doctor's note: Don't be unprofessional Katya. Just find out what's wrong with him and lets make some money here fer Chrissakes. |
Dr. Dingo... I've got a problem with adult men lurking on internet forums while pretending to be sexy girls! 
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el dingo
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2008
Location: Norwich UK
Status: Offline
Points: 7053
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Posted: November 30 2009 at 13:18 |
Whaddya expect me to do - sign Katya on as a member in her own right??? She doesn't even like Prog - I showed her the Musical Box Karaoke thread and she made a very funny noise and indicated she didn't quite understand it. Put it this way - we're going out after surgery and it won't be to The Musical Box. Or anywhere Mrs Dingo might be 
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It's not that I can't find worth in anything, it's just that I can't find worth in enough.
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The Sleepwalker
Prog Reviewer
Joined: February 03 2009
Location: The Netherlands
Status: Offline
Points: 15141
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Posted: November 30 2009 at 13:21 |
el dingo wrote:
Whaddya expect me to do - sign Katya on as a member in her own right??? She doesn't even like Prog - I showed her the Musical Box Karaoke thread and she made a very funny noise and indicated she didn't quite understand it. Put it this way - we're going out after surgery and it won't be to The Musical Box. Or anywhere Mrs Dingo might be |
Will it be the messy bar from the bar fight thread?
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el dingo
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2008
Location: Norwich UK
Status: Offline
Points: 7053
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Posted: November 30 2009 at 13:26 |
Somehow I doubt it. Of course I could show her the thread... but I think the incident with the midgets and the wombat's nether regions might just put her off.
Asks Katya: "Do you wanna go to a bar where bestiality is the norm and midgets run amok on seas of urine and puke?"
Let's just say no, we won't be going there.
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It's not that I can't find worth in anything, it's just that I can't find worth in enough.
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Any Colour You Like
Prog Reviewer
Joined: May 15 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 12294
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Posted: November 30 2009 at 13:33 |
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What the.
I leave the clinic in the hands of Dr. Dingo, and he turns it into a porno set.
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The Sleepwalker
Prog Reviewer
Joined: February 03 2009
Location: The Netherlands
Status: Offline
Points: 15141
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Posted: November 30 2009 at 13:35 |
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^ ACYL, could you reference to Dingo's nurse in the thread title? It might give a better idea of what the clinic is like.
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el dingo
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2008
Location: Norwich UK
Status: Offline
Points: 7053
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Posted: November 30 2009 at 13:41 |
Not so ACYL. not so.
I merely introduced Nurse Katya, My friend Sabrina who works in Finnish immigration and Alice the cleaner. There is nothing intrinsically pornographic about any of them to my knowledge. One is a medical professional, the other a customs officer and the third a hygiene operative.
I just thought that if i didn't introduce my employees and a friend or two the thread would be as dull as er, erm, oh you know, that highbrow one where you wait for a painting for three weeks and then ten come along at once |
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It's not that I can't find worth in anything, it's just that I can't find worth in enough.
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el dingo
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 08 2008
Location: Norwich UK
Status: Offline
Points: 7053
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Posted: November 30 2009 at 13:47 |
floydispink wrote:
^ ACYL, could you reference to Dingo's nurse in the thread title? It might give a better idea of what the clinic is like. |
ACYL could you not make the reference? I'm trying to run a serious advice centre here 
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It's not that I can't find worth in anything, it's just that I can't find worth in enough.
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