Excerpt from the Atlanta Creative Loafing:

http://atlanta.creativeloafing.com/gyrobase/how_can_america_stop_somalia_s_sea_pirates_/Content?oid=786430

How can America stop Somalia's sea pirates?

No one asked me, but if Obama put me in charge of "Operation Hook-hands Into Plowshares," here's what I'd do:

1) First, stop referring to Somalia as a "failed state." Many Somali pirates are teenage boys. We all know how moody and status-hungry teenagers can be. The low self-esteem associated with living in a failed state is clearly causing them to act out. Instead of calling Somalia failed, how about something nicer, like "differently successful"?

2) In recent years, European and Asian fishing fleets have destroyed coastal Somalia's fish stock through illegal harvesting, destruction of reefs, and the mass-dumping of industrial pollutants. With fishing no longer a viable living, the Somali coastal towns that used to be fishing villages have become pirate bays.  

Salting fields to make it impossible to grow food has been acknowledged as an act of war since the Old Testament (see Book of Judges, Chapter Nine). Destroying fisheries is no different. The U.S., E.U. and U.N. should treat the destruction of Somali fish stocks with the same seriousness it would treat terrorists or rogue states if they poisoned American and European food supplies.

Pirates are just about the only people in Somalia making money these days. The civilian populations of many coastal towns rely indirectly on the piracy economy to stay alive. Furthermore, they're ticked off at the rest of the world for trashing their fish supply. Let's stop pissing these people off with our criminal behavior. Remember, you can't spell pirate without irate.

3) Place 12 American cruise ships with fully stocked, all-you-can eat buffets off Somalia's coast. Half of Somalia's pirates will die of E. coli within six months. The other half will be too obese or hungover to work as pirates anymore.

4) Somali piracy almost completely stopped for six months in 2006. Not coincidentally, it was the same six-month period during which Somalia was ruled by a union of Islamic courts. Awful people, for sure — but it was the closest thing to a real government Somalia has had since 1991.

As part of its War on Terror™, the Bush administration paid neighboring Ethiopia to send in its army to remove the Islamists from power. They succeeded, plunging Somalia back into anarchy. Surprise, surprise — piracy returned.

The U.S. needs to encourage stability in Somalia — even if that means making peace with nasty, Islamist tribal leaders. Yes, these governments can be vicious, but not as vicious as the war and anarchy that followed their overthrow.

5) Cyanide-laced eye-patches.

Edited by Slartibartfast - April 26 2009 at 06:46