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Shakespeare View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: February 19 2009 at 19:09
That second picture has an ipod beside it so you can see its relative size
also, James is totally right guys
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: February 19 2009 at 19:09
Meet Jez.  He's a nice boy, Jez Potter is.




And this is Captain Spanky:




I shall now construct a riveting story.  If you are not riveted by it, you probably have bad breath.  I will be following just Jez, so I have included footnotes that will allow you to find out more about the lives of the other characters.


THE TALES OF JEZ POTTER EPISODE 1: THE MISSING TWINKY

One day, Jez Pot—OMG MY NAME IS MAX TUNDRA LET'S JUMP IN A NEW DIRECTION ALREADY OK THAT'S ENOUGH OF THAT CRY ABOUT IT—ter realized that he was missing his favorite Twinky, so he went walking through the dark and scary woods in order to search for it.  These were not any woods, though; they were dark and scary.  Jez peed his pants because he was like Brave Sir Robin from Monty Python. 
NI!

As he was walking, he met Stick.

This is Stick:


Stick wasn't very scary, so Jez Potter just kept on walking and looking like Ermm and the scary police came and threw Stick out of the dark and scary woods*.  Jez was getting more confident by the minute, and thanks to his 9" and newfound confidence, he got laid by some whore who really just wanted the money and didn't care about his 9" or confidence but shut up**.

Jez, unknowingly, had contracted AIDS.  Doctors decided it was because he was a conservative.  However, it was still hibernating or some sh*t like that, so it isn't relevant to our story.  Jez kept walking and the woods got darker and scarier, until they were suddenly lit up by none other than...

ElecTrik:


ElecTrik wasn't actually all electrified.  It was mostly just his dick that was electrified.  He liked to use his dick to play guitar.  His mom was so proud.  Apparently the egg in her womb was fertilized by an electric eel that her husband mistook for a really large sperm.  But anyway, ElecTrik, being awesome and all, started playing Dream Theater guitar solos doublespeed with his penis.

Jez walked on, leaving ElecTrik w**king behind him, unaware that his prey had left***.  Because I'm constructing this story in a very formulaic way, Jez next met this other dude, named Spike-Man (note the dash in his name).

This is Spike Man (OMFG I TOLD YOU TO NOTE THE DASH TRY AGAIN YOU b*****d).

This is Spike-Man:


Spike-Man actually looked scary enough to be in the woods, but it turned out he just wanted to be loved, the wimp.  Actually, that's not true, but that's what he told Jez as they had loving anal sex.  Spike-Man actually wanted to give Jez AIDS, but Jez was like I already have it lolz, and Spike-Man walked away crying and listening to Tori Amos****.

Next, Jez didn't meet Twinky (small), but not for lack of trying.  Twinky (small) was just too small, and so Jez stepped on him.  Twinky (small) was OK, though, as the shoe landed perfectly and he ended up in one of the ruts on the bottom of the shoe, where he clung, crying for help and going all , unnoticed.

This is Twinky (small):


So Jez kept walking.  Twinky (small), meanwhile, started the arduous task of climbing up Jez's body, using the trees (er, hairs lolz) for support.  Jez couldn't feel him.  Jez met Swordsman.

This is Swordsman:


Swordsman was so named because he had a sword (duh).  It made him look scary, which was good, because him looking scary meant that he never had to use it, which was good, because he was poor and he could only afford a cheapo replica of a real sword (built to scale and all).  Unfortunately for Swordsman, Jez happened to work in the sword trade, and he spotted the fake and just kept on walking.  Swordsman watched glumly*****.

Little did Jez realize that he was soon to face his biggest challenge of all, as he would have to take on Twinky (big) and Twinky (small) at the same time.  Twinky (small) had climbed all the way up Jez and was attempting to poke holes in Jez's eyes.  Meanwhile, Twinky (big), appeared before Jez in all his grandeur:


Jez loled because Twinky (big) was so cute, and he picked him up and held him close to his face.  Twinky (big) saw his smaller twin and plucked Twinky (small) from Jez's face (Jez didn't noticed) before Twinky (small) had actually managed to do any damage.  Bored with Twinky (big), and still unaware that Twinky (small) existed, he threw Twinky (big) as far as he could, where he (and his twin) happened to land where Spike Man, Todd Palin, and ElecTrik had all met.

Together, they marched toward Jez and confronted him.  They were all "by our powers combined" but it didn't work cause Stick done died (read the f**king footnotes you strawman placing dick).  And that's why Captain Spanky ceased to exist for all time, except in fantasy land******.

Meanwhile, Jez, who had learned to ignore the not so dark and scary crew, kept walking until he was run over.  As he lay dying, he could not keep the last words he heard from echoing in his head.

BEEP BEEP I DRIVE A JEEP

BEEP BEEP I DRIVE A JEEP


BEEP BEEP I DRIVE A JEEP

BEEP BEEP I DRIVE A JEEP

BEEP BEEP I DRIVE A JEEP

BEEP BEEP I DRIVE A JEEP

BEEP BEEP I DRIVE A JEEP

He never did find that Twinky.  Huh.

THE END

*Stick went out to seek his fortune and soon stumbled across the rainbows and sh*t gay parade and he finally came out of the closest only to find out his "lover" was a closet nazi and that's how Stick died.

**The whore continued to be a whore and gave the whole world AIDS.  She is truly an hero.

***ElecTrik finally finished the solo twenty minutes later, only to find that, instead of Jez, he was now faced by a bear, which promptly f**king mauled him, kind of like happened to Elvis Costello in the Colbert Christmas Special.  Just like in that tv show, Santa came and granted his greatest wish of not being digested by a bear.  The moral of this story is that Dream Theater wishes they were Elvis Costello.

****Spike-Man felt like a failure, and decided that a new look would help him, so he went to the government of the United States and asked for a name change.  Feeling revitalized and fresh, the newly minted Spike Man went back to the woods and kept on being a failure.  Oh, and he had AIDS.  Lolz.

*****Swordsman decided that he should get a job and make some money.  However, this was antithetical to his being communist, so he became a capitalist and renamed himself Todd Palin.  He changed his look as well:



With the money he made from being a successful capitalist and raping the world and oceans, he bought a wife from the Asian sex trade.  She was the daughter of a pirate, and she stole a bunch of money so he could buy a sword, which he used to kill her because she was such a terrible capitalist and was not being respectful of other people's property rights.  Then he went back to attack Jez but Jez was gone.  So impatient. Angry

******This is what Captain Spanky looks like in fantasy land:

Let's all take a moment of silence to think abot him.

no drugs were used in the creation of this post
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: February 19 2009 at 19:10
Originally posted by Henry Plainview Henry Plainview wrote:

Originally posted by Leningrad Leningrad wrote:

See that's what I'd say to you if we were in the SR and about 4 people would quote my post with '' and 'Lmao Clap'

I would be upset if the PA's humor level is still at lolcats, aside from Raff, but she doesn't count because she has a negative sense of humor.



If you have to tell me something, I'd appreciate you doing so to my face... There are PMs for that. I'd never make remarks about you or any of your friends in the open forum, where everyone can see that - and using a name that is a short form of my real name too.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: February 19 2009 at 19:12
lol BUSTED
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: February 19 2009 at 19:13
KEEP IT OUT OF THIS THREAD PEOPLE

we are chill we dislike drama

EDIT - psy-yi-yi Psy-yi-yi


Edited by Leningrad - February 19 2009 at 19:18
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: February 19 2009 at 19:14
Folly, that was already hilarious, but when you added http://www.fiveeightforums.com/images/smilies/lolpokehugepv9.gif
this to the bottom of the story I basically wet myself.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: February 19 2009 at 19:17
that story wasn't random at all

RECORD YR BASS

see James we are a serious band who don't talk about random humou rbut rather talk about Jake RECORDING HIS MOTHER f**kING BASS
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: February 19 2009 at 19:18
No more personal attacks or this thread will be closed.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: February 19 2009 at 19:20
Goddamn it, seriously if I owned a bass I'd get it done quicker than Jake.
Heck, someone just record guitar and use a plug in or somethin' to lower the pitch by an octave, lol.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: February 19 2009 at 19:22
Originally posted by HughesJB4 HughesJB4 wrote:

Goddamn it, seriously if I owned a bass I'd get it done quicker than Jake.
Heck, someone just record guitar and use a plug in or somethin' to lower the pitch by an octave, lol.

I have considered doing this so often it defies belief
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: February 19 2009 at 19:26
This thread used to be fun. You guys need some actually funny spam. Ermm
Also if one person posts something funny, just quoting it and adding nothing loses its humor...
<font color=white>butts, lol[/COLOR]

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: February 19 2009 at 19:27
Originally posted by HughesJB4 HughesJB4 wrote:

http://www.last.fm/group/STC/members

:fawk:

Nope,
http://www.myspace.com/stctotheextreme
also poist


Edited by moreitsythanyou - February 19 2009 at 19:28
<font color=white>butts, lol[/COLOR]

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: February 19 2009 at 19:28
That would be funny if an outsiter someone who doesn't visit this thread regularly just came in here and attacked people and got it closed for the rest of us.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: February 19 2009 at 19:29
everyone who is killing the fun please exit the thread thanks in advance
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: February 19 2009 at 19:32
Originally posted by moreitsythanyou moreitsythanyou wrote:

Originally posted by HughesJB4 HughesJB4 wrote:

http://www.last.fm/group/STC/members

:fawk:

Nope,
http://www.myspace.com/stctotheextreme
also poist


But that myspace page hasn't been updated in like, a year.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: February 19 2009 at 19:33
by the way did you guys ever check out my other band?
this song is epic
you must listen to it really loud because there are quiet things in the background which are really funny


Edited by Shakespeare - February 19 2009 at 19:33
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: February 19 2009 at 19:33
Let's get this thread back on track,

<font color=white>butts, lol[/COLOR]

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: February 19 2009 at 19:35

Originally posted by Leningrad Leningrad wrote:

everyone who is killing the fun please exit the thread thanks in advance

You're not having fun if there are no wink emoticons.

I do not see any wink emoticons.

Ergo, you are not having fun and there is nothing to kill.

QED, bitches.

if you own a sodastream i hate you
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: February 19 2009 at 19:35
Originally posted by Henry Plainview Henry Plainview wrote:

Originally posted by Leningrad Leningrad wrote:

everyone who is killing the fun please exit the thread thanks in advance

You're not having fun if there are no wink emoticons.

I do not see any wink emoticons.

Ergo, you are not having fun and there is nothing to kill.

QED, bitches.


reported
<font color=white>butts, lol[/COLOR]

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: February 19 2009 at 19:37
Originally posted by moreitsythanyou moreitsythanyou wrote:

Originally posted by Henry Plainview Henry Plainview wrote:

Originally posted by Leningrad Leningrad wrote:

everyone who is killing the fun please exit the thread thanks in advance

You're not having fun if there are no wink emoticons.

I do not see any wink emoticons.

Ergo, you are not having fun and there is nothing to kill.

QED, bitches.


reported


Who's the new guy

owait that's itsy mahbad
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