Bad jokes...

The lack of sex provokes amnesia and other things I can't remember...

The Bad And The Worse News

A man visits the doctor for a checkup, and after some tests, the doctor comes in with a grave look on his face.

Doctor: Well, I have some bad news and some really bad news.

Man: Well, give me the really bad news first.

Doctor: You have cancer, and only 6 months to live.

Man: And the bad news?

Doctor: You have Alzheimer’s disease.

Man: That’s great. I was afraid I had cancer!

How many women does it take to screw in a light-bulb?

Well, it all depends upon whether the ceiling is low enough to be reached by one person, if so then 1. If not, then two, unless there is a ladder on hand.

moreitsythanyou wrote: So a bear walks in to a bar. He proceeds to order a gin     and tonic. So the bartender asks him, "what's with the pause?" To which he responds, I'M A BEAAAAAAAAR!

A man walks into a bar, buys a beer, drinks it, walks out of the bar.

A rake.

knock knock who's there tex tex who tex mex.

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? 

I'm pretty sure I'll get the smack down for this one, also from PJ, but what the hell:
'An Anecdote Illustrating Something of the Australian Character:
An Australian fellow asks his girl friend to fight, but she says she doesn't want to because she isn't feeling well.
"Whatta ya mean, not feeling well?" he says.
"You know," she says, "I've got my time of the month."
"Whatta ya mean, time of the month?" he says.
"You know," she says, "I've got my period."
"Whatta ya mean, period?" he says.
"You know," she says, "I'm bleeding down here." And she opens up her pants to show him.
"Jesus," he says, "no wonder you're bleeding! They've gone and cut your cock off!"'

and, why not?:
'An Anecdote Illustrating Something of the Chinese Character:
Nine hundred million Chinese walk into a bar. They order a beer, pay up, and then just sit there, sipping their drinks, not saying a word. Finally, the bartender can't stand it anymore. "We don't see many Chinese in here," he says.
"And with this atmosphere of hedonistic individualism capitalistically exploiting the labor of the masses and wasting the people's agricultural resources," say the Chinese, "you won't see many more."'

Edited by Slartibartfast - May 26 2009 at 21:07