The Best Rush Story EVAH!

 

(btw, I wrote this REALLY late at night and I was on my second wind. lol)


Once upon a time....there was a moose named Geddy Lee. Geddy, like all the other moose, was a cute, furry little fella. He ate like a moose, walked like a moose, talked like a moose, sh*t like a moose. But there was one thing in particular that he could do that most moose could not: he could sing.
    That's right, I'll say it one more time: he could sing.

One day, as he was making fertilizer for his garden, a cute little skunk named Alex Lifeson bounds up towards him and says, "Heya! Mah name's Alex Laafson! And I wanna be in a bayund witchu!"
    Geddy looked at him, astounded by what he saw. A talking skunk! he thought. WTF?!
    "Uhh...." started Geddy. "...Well, what can you do?" "Well, I can play the git-tar!" said Alex, waving his bushy tail happily. He picked up his banjo and started playing banjo-esque music. After he strummed the last chord, Geddy cheered. "You're in!"


So pretty much after that, they started going over to each other's caves [yes, they lived in f**king caves] for band practice. As they were playing their newly written song "Spirit of the Caribou", Geddy finally brought up the topic that had been on his mind for days. "Shouldn't we get a drummer soon?" "Oh heeeelllzz yeah foo'!" said Alex. So off they went to go search for a drummer.


After about 5 hours of searching, they happened to stumble across a cave named Milton Banana. "Milton...Banana?" asked Geddy, confused at the odd name of the abode. "I dunno man, it's makin' me hungry tho," Alex said. "Here, you go first. I be a scurred sonofabetch."
    "wtf NO WAY JOSE I'm not going in there that place looks scary!" exclaimed Geddy as he started back down the road. "Oh, no you DAWN'T!" Alex grabbed Geddy by the ballsac and dragged him back to the entrance of the Milton Banana. "Fine, you pussy ass muthaf**ka. I'll go in, but you BETTAH be lookin' out fo mah ass." He headed in headfirst into the head of the cave with both of his heads. Suddenly, a giant whale comes outta nowherez and lands RIGHT ON TOP OF ALEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Haayyyulp!!" screamed Alex at the top of his lungs.
   "OMFG ALEX I'M COMING!" screamed Geddy at the top of his lungs. After he came, he went after Alex. "What the hell, whale!" said Geddy to the anonymous whale.
    "Sorry, I can't help it. You're friend's just really hot." Geddy cocked his head to one side, confused. "But....but...aren't I supposed to be the hot one within this vicinity??"
    "Cracka, say WHAAAT??!" yelled Alex from underneath the whale. "Look, just give me back my guitar player," Geddy said, annoyed. "I kinda need him."
    "Well, lemme make a deal with you. I hear you boys are out searchin' for a drummer, right?"
    "Ya."
    "Well, hows about this: you give me the skunk, and I'll give you one of the greatest drummers of all time: Neil Peart!"
    Geddy was stunned. "The Neil Peart?!!?!??!"
    "Yup, now you gonna agree or not?" said the whale. "Deal!" They shook hands. Hoof and fin, I should say.
    "Aw, HELL NAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Alex as he was being handcuffed to a bed by the whale. "Soooo," started Geddy. "Where's Neil??"
    "Oh. Here you go," the whale threw him what looked like a Ken doll.

"FTW! This is a stupid Neil Peart action figure! Not Neil Peart himself!"
"It's not stupid!" protested the whale. "I got it at half price, you prick." Suddenly, mini pink convertibles drove into the cave.  A band of hot Barbie dolls got out of the cars and started after Geddy!
"OH NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Groupies!!!!!!! With STDs!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

But it wasn't Geddy they were after. It was the Neil Peart action figure.
"Oh my bob," exclaimed Geddy. "I am never touching that thing again."




OK, this is seriously starting to get boring. And I'm getting a little bit tired. but it was funny while it lasted. LMAO

<3,
~Vicki