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Tuzvihar 
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: May 18 2005
Location: C. Schinesghe
Status: Offline
Points: 13536
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 Posted: October 25 2008 at 14:29 |
 Dean wrote:
Two RIO progheads meet and the first is admiring the other's smart new bike. "Amazing thing happened dude," says his friend, "I was walking through the park when this attractive girl rides up on it. She stopped beside me, threw it to the ground and tore off all her clothes. Then she says 'Take what you want'." His friend nods approvingly, "Good choice man, the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted." |
 
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"Music is much like f**king, but some composers can't climax and others climax too often, leaving themselves and the listener jaded and spent."
Charles Bukowski
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Tuzvihar
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: May 18 2005
Location: C. Schinesghe
Status: Offline
Points: 13536
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Posted: October 25 2008 at 14:30 |
crimhead wrote:
Q: How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change the light bulb and the second to get an insurance company to approve changing the light bulb.
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Q: How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. The light bulb must want it itself.
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"Music is much like f**king, but some composers can't climax and others climax too often, leaving themselves and the listener jaded and spent."
Charles Bukowski
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Dean
Special Collaborator
Retired Admin and Amateur Layabout
Joined: May 13 2007
Location: Europe
Status: Offline
Points: 37575
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Posted: October 25 2008 at 15:13 |
A young polar bear is playing in the snow with his sister, after a while they he stops and asks her, "Am I really a polar bear?" His sister looks at him an laughs, "I'm a polar bear and you look like me, so yes you are." "Oh" says the young polar bear and walks off across the ice sheet to where his elder brother is fishing beside a hole in the ice. "Yo! squirt, wazup?" says his older brother. "Am I really a polar bear?" he asks. The elder bear hooks a small fish out of the water with his paw and drops it at the feet of the younger bear, who devours it in a single bite. "Yo dude, you're a polar bear alright!" his brother replies with a chuckle. A little despondent, but thankful for the fishy snack, the young polar bear leaves his brother to continue fishing and heads off to find his father. After walking through the snow and ice for several minutes he sees his father stalking a seal. Slinking down, the bear silently creeps up beside his father and they stalk the seal together. After a successful hunt, they sit down to a meal of seal meat, and soon they are sated and well fed. "Dad?" asks the young bear, "Yes son." his father replies, picking over the remains of the carcass. "Am I really a polar bear?" He asks. His father laughs a loud booming laugh that echoes around the ice boulders on the arctic tundra. "Of course you are, and a mighty fine polar bear you are too. Why do you ask such a silly question my son?" The young bear looks up at the towering bulk of his father, "Because I'm f ing freezing!"
Edited by Dean - October 25 2008 at 15:13
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What?
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Ricochet
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: February 27 2005
Location: Nauru
Status: Offline
Points: 46301
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Posted: October 25 2008 at 15:17 |
^ you're clearly afraid of delivering any truly bad jokes, Dean. 
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Vompatti
Forum Senior Member
VIP Member
Joined: October 22 2005
Location: elsewhere
Status: Offline
Points: 67458
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Posted: January 13 2009 at 19:26 |
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A man walks into a bar. The horse asks, 'Why the regular (instead of long) face?'
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Dean
Special Collaborator
Retired Admin and Amateur Layabout
Joined: May 13 2007
Location: Europe
Status: Offline
Points: 37575
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Posted: January 14 2009 at 02:11 |
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A man suffering fromn dyslexia walks into a bra...
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What?
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StyLaZyn
Forum Senior Member
Joined: November 22 2005
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 4079
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Posted: January 14 2009 at 07:35 |
Dean wrote:
A man suffering fromn dyslexia walks into a bra... |
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Tapfret
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator / Retired Admin
Joined: August 12 2007
Location: Bryant, Wa
Status: Offline
Points: 8622
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Posted: January 14 2009 at 12:28 |
There was a mama mole, a papa mole, and a
baby mole. They all lived together in a molehole.The papa mole wakes up one morning reached his head out of the
hole to grab the newspaper and said, "Mmmmm, I smell something sweet, why, I thinks it must be maple syrup."
The mama mole reached her head outside of
the hole and said, "Mmmmmm, I smell something sweet too, but it is most certainly honey."
The baby mole tried to reach his head
outside the hole but couldn't because of the two bigger moles had blocked the way at which he proclaimed,
"The only thing I can smell is molasses!"
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tardis
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 02 2005
Location: Victoria, BC
Status: Offline
Points: 14378
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Posted: January 14 2009 at 22:47 |
- What do you call a judge with no thumbs?
- Justice Fingers.
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Jim Garten
Special Collaborator
Retired Admin & Razor Guru
Joined: February 02 2004
Location: South England
Status: Offline
Points: 14693
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Posted: January 15 2009 at 02:37 |
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Jon Lord 1941 - 2012
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Jim Garten
Special Collaborator
Retired Admin & Razor Guru
Joined: February 02 2004
Location: South England
Status: Offline
Points: 14693
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Posted: January 15 2009 at 02:39 |
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A rabbi, a gynacologist and a cowboy walk into a bar.
Barman says "Is this some kind of a joke?"
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Jon Lord 1941 - 2012
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npjnpj
Forum Senior Member
Joined: December 05 2007
Location: Germany
Status: Offline
Points: 2720
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Posted: January 15 2009 at 03:54 |
Q: What's fifty feet long and has three pubic hairs?
A: The first row in a Westlife concert.
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tardis
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 02 2005
Location: Victoria, BC
Status: Offline
Points: 14378
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Posted: January 15 2009 at 13:24 |
- What do you feed an invisible cat?
- Evaporated milk.
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manofmystery
Forum Senior Member
Joined: January 26 2008
Location: PA, USA
Status: Offline
Points: 4335
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Posted: January 15 2009 at 13:35 |
I have a steering wheel in my pants....
it's driving me nuts
^ not only a bad joke but one with a nonsensical original premise
my favorite joke
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 Time always wins.
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tardis
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 02 2005
Location: Victoria, BC
Status: Offline
Points: 14378
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Posted: January 15 2009 at 14:10 |
- Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows?
- They're making headlines!
I don't even get this joke. Maybe if I knew what corduroy was it would help.
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Henry Plainview
Forum Senior Member
Joined: May 26 2008
Location: Declined
Status: Offline
Points: 16715
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Posted: January 15 2009 at 14:29 |
SR didn't appreciate it so I'm reposting
Two Jewish guys are sitting on a park bench reading newspapers. The first guy looks up and notices his buddy is reading a Neo-Nazi newspaper. He asks him "How can you read that trash?". The man replies "When I read the regular news paper all I hear is about how the economy is crashing, people are being beaten and murdered, and that the outlook is bleak. I find it depressing. When I read this news paper I hear about how our people control the banks, run the media, and are taking over the world."
tardis wrote:
- Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows?
- They're making headlines!
I don't even get this joke. Maybe if I knew what corduroy was it would help.
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if you own a sodastream i hate you
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Vompatti
Forum Senior Member
VIP Member
Joined: October 22 2005
Location: elsewhere
Status: Offline
Points: 67458
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Posted: January 15 2009 at 14:41 |
There's something wrong with my mouse. I think it has had too much sugar. (This is no joke, really, this is actually happening.  (It's not a real mouse though, it's the one I push around on my table) But if it was a joke, I think it would be a bad one.)
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The Pessimist
Prog Reviewer
Joined: June 13 2007
Location: United Kingdom
Status: Offline
Points: 3834
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Posted: January 15 2009 at 15:01 |
Why does Snoop Dog always carry an umbrella? Fo' Drizzle 
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"Market value is irrelevant to intrinsic value."
Arnold Schoenberg
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Vompatti
Forum Senior Member
VIP Member
Joined: October 22 2005
Location: elsewhere
Status: Offline
Points: 67458
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Posted: January 15 2009 at 15:44 |
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- Why did a heavy metal guitarist throw his guitar in the air?
- It was a Flying V.
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Slartibartfast
Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator / In Memoriam
Joined: April 29 2006
Location: Atlantais
Status: Offline
Points: 29630
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Posted: January 15 2009 at 15:51 |
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Released date are often when it it impacted you but recorded dates are when it really happened... 
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Bad jokes...
