Yes Lyrics/New Testament

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   Hello my favourite cyberpeople!

I know I haven't posted in ages, and I'm not sure this is the right place to post this (inexcusable for a former admin, I know) and I did a search (so I hope it hasn't come up often in the past).

I was sent this article from the Onion that's over 10 years old. Found it absolutely hilarious and though I'd share it with the people who'd enjoy it most.

Cheers!

Martin/Trotsky

Yes Lyrics To Be Added To New Testament

					February 19, 1997  |

					Issue 31•06			

	VATICAN CITY—In the
first-ever union of the Word of God and the Synthesizer, the Catholic
Church's College of Cardinals voted unanimously Monday to incorporate
the lyrics of Yes into the New Testament.
The
resulting new Bible, the Revised Standard YesScriptures, will replace
the Jerusalem Bible of 1966 as the standard accepted record and vehicle
of divine revelation.

"Let us rejoice in this momentous occasion," said Pope John Paul II
in a special service at St. Peter's. "And let no man be unmoved,
remembering the words of Jesus: 'In and around the lake, mountains come
out of the sky, and they stand there.' Amen."

In addition to a number of new sections, including the four-part
Book of Bruford (a. Cord of Life; b. Eclipse; c. The Preacher; d. The
Apocalypse), the revised YesScriptures will feature a dazzling,
airbrushed gatefold by artist Roger Dean.

Perhaps the most significant change is a more complete history of
the life of Christ. In the revised account of Christ's temptation by
Satan, the Lord and Savior is brought to a mountaintop overlooking a
pastel landscape filled with exotic, half-melted rock formations and
wispy, cloudlike trees. Christ, though tempted, "can see all good
people turn their heads each day, and, so satisfied, He continues on
His way."

Christ's rejection of the Lord Of Lies is then followed by a 16-minute keyboard solo by synthesizer maestro Rick Wakeman.

"God's word is not always clear, and neither is the path Jesus wants
us to take in life," New York's Cardinal O'Connor said of the new
scriptures. "But when Jesus tells His disciples at the Last Supper to
eat of His body and drink of His blood, for 'He can feel no sense of
measure, no illusions as He taketh refuge in young man's pleasure,' I
as a Christian take comfort in these words."

Despite being called for by pro-Yes movements within the Church for
decades, the decision marks the first official Catholic acknowledgement
of Yes-inclusive language and Yes-positive Biblical interpretations as
actually being the Divine Word.

"The Holy See's decision is a victory for progressives everywhere,"
said Jethro Tull frontman and longtime Christian Ian Anderson. "The
updated Bible passages reflect the tremendously significant role that
the concept album plays in our modern lives."

The Catholic Church is not the first religious sect to embrace
progressive-rock reform. Since 1974, Reform Jews have, as part of Rosh
Hashanah services, sung verses from The Book Of Genesis Featuring Peter Gabriel. For years, Unitarian educators have taught the works of Emerson, Lake, and Palmer, including Brain Salad Surgery.

Though the majority of Bible scholars are welcoming the new YesScriptures, a small minority stands strongly opposed.

"The messages in the YesScriptures are rarely clear and almost
always of questionable morality," said Michael Fox, chair of Yale
University's Divinity School. "While Christ's message may seem obvious
when, in Howe 3:16, He sayeth unto James the Lesser: 'Owner of a lonely
heart, yea, much better than thee, O owner of a broken heart,' it is
possible that this passage contains intended irony on the part of the
Savior, and that the verse actually signifies a message of profound
sympathy for the broken-hearted heart-owners of Mankind."

"The Word of God is the rock upon which we have built the Catholic Church," Fox concluded. "It is not Fragile."
The original link is here: http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30060?utm_source=EMTF_Onion