Bad jokes...

A guy is talking to a friend about his wife chaeting on him.

"It was irritating. I followed her to this guy's house. She say hello to him and then start to take off her sweater. Then her pants, her shirt. After that she took her brassiere off, and their boobs fell down and almost touched her belly. ¡I felt SO embarrased!".

Once again, I'm sorry in advance for the uglyness of the joke. But this is the "bad - jokes" thread.

Why did the chicken walk into the bar?

"Sir, are you aware you have a steering wheel in your pants?"
"Aye, it's driving me nuts."

Hoots mon! 

Another good one for the scottish accent

A man walks into a Renfrew bakery and goes to the guy working at the counter "excuse me, is that a cake or a meringue?" and the guy at the counter goes "naw, ye were right the first time son- it's a cake"

classic

"Why did the android cross the road?

LOIKE WUT DO U CALL SUM1 HOO IZZ LOIKE ONLEE GAWT 1 HAND?!?!

Han Solo.

Muahaha, made that one up myself.

Easy Livin wrote: OK, you need to say this one in a Scottish accent.   This guy goes to the local registry office.   "I want to change my name" he say, "It's embarrassing.   "What's the surname" asks the clerk.   "Ritchie"   "What's wrong with that" says the clerk, "it's a decent name, and common too".   "Oh no" says the man, "it's my first name I want to change."   "What's that then?"   "Mybosa".     (If you don't get it, put the first and surnames together)

A guy walks into the bar, with a celery behind his ear. The bartender is confused. This goes on for days. Finally, the bartender decides to ask the man why he has a celery behind his ear. He comes in that day with a carrot behind his ear.

"Sir, may I ask why you have a carrot behind your ear?"
"I couldn't find a celery," replies the man.

Easy Livin wrote: OK, you need to say this one in a Scottish accent.   This guy goes to the local registry office.   "I want to change my name" he say, "It's embarrassing.   "What's the surname" asks the clerk.   "Ritchie"   "What's wrong with that" says the clerk, "it's a decent name, and common too".   "Oh no" says the man, "it's my first name I want to change."   "What's that then?"   "Mybosa".     (If you don't get it, put the first and surnames together)