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Visitor13 View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 24 2007 at 17:34
Mine's so bad I need to repost it here:

A boy named Uriel was born with a navel the shape of a keyhole. One day he asked his mother if there was a reason for this. His mother didn't know, but she said:

"Try asking your granny. She's the wisest person in the family".

So Uriel asked his granny, but she couldn't answer him. Instead, she said:

"Go to the old lady who lives on the outskirts of the village. She's the wisest person here, she'll know."

So Uriel did as he was told, but the old lady couldn't help him. She gave him the following advice:

"Go to the king. His wisdom is unparalelled in the whole country. He's bound to know the answer to your question".

So off went Uriel on a trip to the king's castle. He managed to secure an audience, and asked the king about his navel. But the king couldn't help him, either. Like the others, he gave him some advice:

"Far, far to the north lives an ancient wizard. I am not familiar with anyone wiser than him. If he doesn't know the answer to your question, nobody does."

Determined to learn the truth, Uriel wandered off in search of the wizard. It was a long and hard journey, but he finally arrived at the door of the wizard's fortress.

"I can help you," said the wizard, "but first you must serve me for seven years."

Uriel agreed and spent the next seven years in the wizard's service. Finally, the wizard called him and said:

"I don't know the whole truth behind the shape of your navel, boy. What I do know is that there is a key that will fit into it. Unfortunately, the key is at the bottom of the Infernal Ravine, many miles to the south. It is guarded by a fierce dragon. None who challenged him have survived."

Uriel shuddered at these words, but he immediately regained his composure and pledged he would slay the dragon and find the key. Many weeks passed until he reached the Infernal Ravine. Skeletons of warriors and their steeds lined the path to the dragon's lair, but Uriel wasn't going to be stopped.

A savage battle ensued. The dragon was monstrous, with twelve fire-breathing heads and claws as sharp as diamonds, but Uriel's determination more than made up for the disproportion between the two combatants. Using his sword and some tricks he had learned in the wizard's service, Uriel finally defeated the dragon.

There, before him, on top of a hoard of treasure the dragon had been using as his bed was a golden key. Uriel climbed the pile and grasped it. He admired its shape and sheen for a few moments, then said:

"Finally, I have gained what I desired most!!!"

Then he put the key into his navel, turned it and his butt fell off.      
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 24 2007 at 21:24
Why did Robert Fripp's birth take so long?



















































It took FOREVER to get the damn stool out!

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moreitsythanyou View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 24 2007 at 21:26
Originally posted by Visitor13 Visitor13 wrote:

Mine's so bad I need to repost it here:

A boy named Uriel was born with a navel the shape of a keyhole. One day he asked his mother if there was a reason for this. His mother didn't know, but she said:

"Try asking your granny. She's the wisest person in the family".

So Uriel asked his granny, but she couldn't answer him. Instead, she said:

"Go to the old lady who lives on the outskirts of the village. She's the wisest person here, she'll know."

So Uriel did as he was told, but the old lady couldn't help him. She gave him the following advice:

"Go to the king. His wisdom is unparalelled in the whole country. He's bound to know the answer to your question".

So off went Uriel on a trip to the king's castle. He managed to secure an audience, and asked the king about his navel. But the king couldn't help him, either. Like the others, he gave him some advice:

"Far, far to the north lives an ancient wizard. I am not familiar with anyone wiser than him. If he doesn't know the answer to your question, nobody does."

Determined to learn the truth, Uriel wandered off in search of the wizard. It was a long and hard journey, but he finally arrived at the door of the wizard's fortress.

"I can help you," said the wizard, "but first you must serve me for seven years."

Uriel agreed and spent the next seven years in the wizard's service. Finally, the wizard called him and said:

"I don't know the whole truth behind the shape of your navel, boy. What I do know is that there is a key that will fit into it. Unfortunately, the key is at the bottom of the Infernal Ravine, many miles to the south. It is guarded by a fierce dragon. None who challenged him have survived."

Uriel shuddered at these words, but he immediately regained his composure and pledged he would slay the dragon and find the key. Many weeks passed until he reached the Infernal Ravine. Skeletons of warriors and their steeds lined the path to the dragon's lair, but Uriel wasn't going to be stopped.

A savage battle ensued. The dragon was monstrous, with twelve fire-breathing heads and claws as sharp as diamonds, but Uriel's determination more than made up for the disproportion between the two combatants. Using his sword and some tricks he had learned in the wizard's service, Uriel finally defeated the dragon.

There, before him, on top of a hoard of treasure the dragon had been using as his bed was a golden key. Uriel climbed the pile and grasped it. He admired its shape and sheen for a few moments, then said:

"Finally, I have gained what I desired most!!!"

Then he put the key into his navel, turned it and his butt fell off.      
Ah the memories that that joke brings back. My grandfather used to tell a similar version so often as I grew up. Good times Smile
<font color=white>butts, lol[/COLOR]

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 25 2007 at 00:39
Originally posted by Atomic_Rooster Atomic_Rooster wrote:

Three men are on a private airplane and they get to talking about the condition of the world.  The first says, "well, there are too many knives in my country." and he throws a knife out the window.  The second does the same, but the third says, "There are too many bombs in my country and dumps a grenade out of the window."  When they land, the first man takes a walk.  He sees a woman crying and asks her what's wrong and she tells him that a knife fell out of the sky and killed her husband.  The second man encounters a crying man who tells him that a knife fell out of the sky and killed his dog.  The third man encounters a man whose laughing his ass off, so he asks him what's so funny and he says,"I just farted and the guy behind me blew up!"


LOL
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 25 2007 at 00:45
Originally posted by magnus magnus wrote:

Okay... so mama tomato, papa tomato and baby tomato were walking, and the little one kinda slacked behind. So papa tomato walks back to baby tomato and squishes him, yelling "Catch up!"


As dumb as this joke is, it makes me laugh every time LOL
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 25 2007 at 08:53
Originally posted by Visitor13 Visitor13 wrote:

Mine's so bad I need to repost it here:

A boy named Uriel was born with a navel the shape of a keyhole. One day he asked his mother if there was a reason for this. His mother didn't know, but she said: 

,,,etc,,,     
 
It was real bad...but I still laughed!  LOL
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 25 2007 at 08:54
Originally posted by rileydog22 rileydog22 wrote:

Why did Robert Fripp's birth take so long?


It took FOREVER to get the damn stool out!
 
Whoosh!
 
What was that sound? The sound of that joke flying right over my head.  Confused  Wink
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 25 2007 at 15:54
Moreitsythanyou: It's interesting to see how jokes travel.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 25 2007 at 16:10
What's the difference between pink and purple?

Her grip!

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 26 2007 at 04:45
^    
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 13 2007 at 22:52
Well,this is not a joke,is real..after James Cameron found the hipotetical body of Jesus and his family,now some archeologists and antropologists finally found the real  body of Tarzan...yes...Tarzan  the king of the apes in Africa,he was in  a deep cave,with  Jane and his daughter and all the rest of his family, the probability  is very high more than  a millions,that are  the true,the real mortal rests  of Tarzan,the skeleton or bones  of Tarzan  are complete,his little skirt or dress  was complete and his two  testicles are fossilizeds with a pin that go across thats two balls,connecting his two balls with his  dress,now  the scientifics  says that this was the reason that made that Tarzan,shout or yell aaaauuuuuuaaaahhhhh   aaaaauuuuuuuaaaaaahhhaaahh,when he jumped  from one tree to other tree in the jungle LOLLOLLOL

Edited by markosherrera - September 22 2007 at 21:22
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 14 2007 at 00:09

A day before his 15th birthday, the son of a wealthy family was asked by his father, `Well my son, what would you like for your birthday?'

The son hesitated a moment and his father's thoughts leapt ahead to a new computer and similar things. However, his son had had a new computer only recently and could have a new one any time he wished.

Finally, the son said, `Father, I have everything a boy could wish for, but there is one thing I would really like. I would love to have a pink ping pong ball.'

The father was rather astonished at this wish, but said, `If it is a pink ping pong ball that you want, a pink ping pong ball you shall have.'

And so, the next day, the son was given as his bithday present a pink ping pong ball.

The boy took the ball to his room and the next morning the pink ping pong ball was gone. The father was mildly surprised but decided not to say anything. The pink ping pong ball, however, was never seen again.

The next year, a day before his 16th birthday, the father asked his son what he would like for his birthday.

`Father,' replied the son, `I have everything a boy could possibly wish for, but there is one thing I would really, really like. I would love to have a tenpack of pink ping pong balls.'

The father was more surprised than the year before, but kept his curiosity at bay, for he knew that his son had a right for privacy. he said therefore, `If it is a tenpack of pink ping pong balls that you want, a tenpack of pink ping pong balls you shall have.'

And so, the next day, the son was given as his birthday present a tenpack of pink ping pong balls.

The boy took the tenpack of balls to his room and the next morning, not a single ball remained, merely the empty husk of the tenpack. The father wondered where ten pink ping pong balls might disappear to, but decided not to say anything. The pink ping pong balls, however, were never seen again.

The next year, a day before his 17th birthday, the son was asked by his father what he would like for his birthday.

`Father,' said the son to this, `I have everything a boy could wish for, but one thing would make my happiness complete. I would dearly want a carton of pink ping pong balls.'

The father was beyond surprise, but decided to make sure he had not misheard. `A carton of pink ping pong balls?'

`A carton of pink ping pong balls,' the boy confirmed.

`I can't understand your fascination with pink ping pong balls,' said the father, `but if it is a carton of pink ping pong balls that you want, it is a carton of pink ping pong balls that you shall have.'

And so, the next day, the boy was given as his birthday present a carton of pink ping pong balls.

The boy was delighted and took the carton to his room. The next day, miraculously (as if by magic, even) the pink ping pong balls had all disappeared.

`Dear son,' said the father, `I must ask now, what do you do with all those pink ping pong balls?'

The son, however, was reluctant to tell him. `Please humour me, dear father.'

The carton of pink ping pong balls, however, was never seen again.

The next year, it was clear that the son would get a car, but the father felt that, perhaps, his son also had some other wish apart from the obvious. So, one day before the son's 18th birthday, the father asked him whether he had a special wish for his birthday.

`Dearest father,' the son started, `I have everything a young man could possibly want, but there is one craving in me. I would, more than anything, want a warehouse full of pink ping pong balls.'

One of these years, his father thought, I should get to the bottom of this. However, he decided to humour his son's wish. At least he had been wise enough to buy shares in a pink ping pong ball factory.

The next day, the son was given the address of a warehouse where all his new pink ping pong balls were stored. The son was delighted and decided to spend the next night in the warehouse rather than at home.

The following morning, the son stepped out of the warehouse, but it seemed to be empty otherwise. The father had a closer look and indeed, apart from empty cardboard boxes, nothing was left inside the warehouse. No pink ping pong balls were left.

The following year, one day before the son's 19th birthday, the father braced himself for another warehouse of pink ping pong balls. He asked his son what his deepest desire was and he had not been entirely wrong.

`Father, you have made me very happy these last years and this year I ask of you a shipload of pink ping pong balls if at all possible.'

It was possible, if only because the father had by now bought each and every factory of pink ping pong balls in the country.

The next day, the father took his son to the harbour and showed him a huge tanker and told his son that there were millions, billions, trillions of pink ping pong balls in there.

`Father,' the son said, `You've made me very happy yet again.'

That night, the son spent on board the tanker.

The next morning, not a single of the pink ping pong balls could be found, but the son was happy.

A few days before his 20th birthday, however, the son had a terrible road accident and was taken to the hospital.

His father visited the young man in hospital. `My dear son! Can I bring you anything to make you feel better?'

Weakly, the son sat up in bed. `Father, dearest father, grant me this wish; just one tenpack of pink ping pong balls.'

The father held his son's hand tightly. `Whatever you wish my son, but I have to give you one condition. Even if it may be embarrassing, I must know what you did with all those pink ping pong balls.'

`Very well, father, but please indulge me first. I will tell you whatever you wish to know after you have given me the ten pink ping pong balls.'

The father thought that was fair enough and the next day brought his son the ten asked for pink ping pong balls. The son smiled weakly but seemed too weak to talk.

`Son, I leave these pink ping pong balls with you and shall come back tomorrow to ask of you what you have done with all those pink ping pong balls.'

The son nodded weakly.

The next day, less than surprisingly, no pink ping pong balls could be found in the son's hospital room.

`Now, my dearest son, apple of my eye, treasure of my life, please tell me what you did with all those pink ping pong balls,' the father requested.

The son nodded and the father gripped his hand tighter.

`I-' the son started and sat up a bit, swallowing with a dry mouth.

`I- I-'

Then he died.

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 21 2007 at 21:24
^ That is seriously one of the most awesomely stupid jokes I've EVER heardLOLLOLLOL
RIO/AVANT/ZEUHL - The best thing you can get with yer pants on!
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 22 2007 at 13:02
Two ducks walking down the road,one says to the other "quack" & the other replies "i can't walk any quacker!"
In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 22 2007 at 13:11
Ok here's one.  Hopefully it won't be deemed too inappropriate and may not make a lot of sense to those outside of the U.S.  An old girlfriend of mine, from West Virginia told me this joke.
 
A father and his son move from West Virginia to Ohio, where the son begins 3rd grade.
 
After the first day of school, the kid comes home and his father asks him how his first day of school was.  The son replies "Well, dad, today we did reading and I am amazed at how much better I am at reading than the rest of my class."
 
The father replies "Well son, that's not surprising, you are from West Virginia after all."
 
After the second day of school, the kid comes home very excited and says to his father, "Dad, today we worked on math, and I am so much better at math than all of the other kids."
 
The father replies "Well son, that's not surprising, you are from West Virginia after all."
 
After the third day of school the kid comes home with a confused look on his face.  The father said "what's wrong son?"  The kid replies "Well, dad today we had gym, and afterwards we all got in the shower, and I noticed that my penis is so much bigger than the other kids'.  Is that because I'm from West Virginia dad?"
 
The dad responds, "No son, that's because you're 18 years old."
 
I can understand your anger at me, but what did the horse I rode in on ever do to you?
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 22 2007 at 13:17
I had a dream where i had written Lord of the Rings. I was Tolkien in my sleep!!
In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 22 2007 at 13:22
Originally posted by daz2112 daz2112 wrote:

I had a dream where i had written Lord of the Rings. I was Tolkien in my sleep!!
 
LMAO!!!!
 
 
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 23 2007 at 19:50
Seriously please open, again the other  bad jokes thread   ok proctologist

Edited by markosherrera - June 23 2007 at 19:51
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 24 2007 at 00:17
A woman gives birth, and a nurse takes the baby into an adjacent room to clean it up. She re-enters and approaches the mother, the babe wrapped up in a towel in her arms.

"Congratulations," she says. "It's a healthy baby girl." As she says this, she accidentally drops the baby, which promptly lands right on its squishy noggin.

"My baby!" screams the mother.

"Don't worry, I'll get it!" smiles the nurse.

However, she unfortunately stumbles and places her foot right on the baby's face, before accidentally kicking it across the room. It hits the wall with a sickening crack before the nurse runs over to it, peels it off the floor and throws it out of the window.

"What are you doing?!" yells the mother.

"April Fools!" replies the nurse. "It was already dead!"
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 26 2007 at 13:08
If you go to bed 9 hours before you have to wake up, and your wife wants to have 2 hours of sex, how much sleep will you get?
 
8 hours and 59 minutes. Who cares wath she wants?
RIO/AVANT/ZEUHL - The best thing you can get with yer pants on!
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