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StyLaZyn 
Forum Senior Member
Joined: November 22 2005
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 4079
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 Topic: Bad jokes...
Posted: December 14 2005 at 15:52 |
Baaaaahd jokes...they are sheep shots. 
Or how about this one:
If you are in a good mood whiile listening to Bon Jovi, you are bon-jovial. 
OK...so they were real bad.
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markosherrera
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 01 2006
Location: World
Status: Offline
Points: 3252
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Posted: January 27 2007 at 21:20 |
There was a little boy called banana he went to the jungle but one monkey caught and ate him.....
. The end
Edited by markosherrera - September 22 2007 at 21:13
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magnus
Forum Senior Member
Joined: November 19 2006
Location: Norway
Status: Offline
Points: 865
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Posted: January 28 2007 at 06:24 |
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Okay... so mama tomato, papa tomato and baby tomato were walking, and the little one kinda slacked behind. So papa tomato walks back to baby tomato and squishes him, yelling "Catch up!"
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The scattered jigsaw of my redemption laid out before my eyes
Each piece as amorphous as the other - Each piece in its lack of shape a lie
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Vompatti
Forum Senior Member
VIP Member
Joined: October 22 2005
Location: elsewhere
Status: Offline
Points: 67407
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Posted: January 28 2007 at 06:33 |
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What's the difference between a sparrow? Both of its feet are equally long, especially the left one.
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Easy Livin
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator / Retired Admin
Joined: February 21 2004
Location: Scotland
Status: Offline
Points: 15585
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Posted: January 28 2007 at 11:49 |
The tomato joke reminds me of:
Mummy, daddy and junior potato are crossing the road, when SPLAT! Junior potato is hit by a car. He is rushed to hospital. After several hours, the doctor comes out of the operating theatre. Mummy and daddy potato ask anxiously "Will junior be alright".
The doctor replies, "He's going to live OK, but he's be a vegetable for the rest of his life.
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Vompatti
Forum Senior Member
VIP Member
Joined: October 22 2005
Location: elsewhere
Status: Offline
Points: 67407
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Posted: January 28 2007 at 12:03 |
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What's white and hides behind a tree? Shy milk.
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progismylife
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 19 2006
Location: ibreathehelium
Status: Offline
Points: 15535
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Posted: January 28 2007 at 12:10 |
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How many pro-life (against abortion) people does it take to change a light bulb?
6. Two to screw the light bulb in and 4 to testify that there was light as soon as they started screwing.
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chopper
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: July 13 2005
Location: Essex, UK
Status: Offline
Points: 20030
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Posted: January 28 2007 at 13:51 |
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Why are pirates called pirates?
Because they aaaaargh!
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Man With Hat
Collaborator
Jazz-Rock/Fusion/Canterbury Team
Joined: March 12 2005
Location: Neurotica
Status: Offline
Points: 166178
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Posted: January 28 2007 at 14:01 |
What do you call a hummer with fly fisherman standing gaurd around the rings of saturn?
A Yam.
Three ducks walk into a bar. The first one orders a bloody mary and commits lewd acts in the back room. The second one orders beers 'round the house. Everyone congradulates him and he passes out with his fly open. The Third one says ouch.
A truck driver, an astronuat and a hooker walk off a cliff. They all die.
Stop me if you heard this one *holds up yield sign*
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Dig me...But don't...Bury me
I'm running still, I shall until, one day, I hope that I'll arrive
Warning: Listening to jazz excessively can cause a laxative effect.
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Chus
Prog Reviewer
Joined: October 16 2006
Location: Venezuela
Status: Offline
Points: 1991
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Posted: January 28 2007 at 14:05 |
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a bunny says to the horse: "Hey buddy, why the long face?"
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Jesus Gabriel
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bhikkhu
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: April 06 2006
Location: A² Michigan
Status: Offline
Points: 5109
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Posted: January 28 2007 at 22:12 |
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A grasshopper goes into a bar.
The bartender says, "Hey, we've got a drink named after you."
The grasshopper says, "Really, you have a drink named Fred?"
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Drew
Forum Senior Member
Joined: June 20 2005
Location: California
Status: Offline
Points: 12600
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Posted: January 28 2007 at 22:16 |
 bhikkhu wrote:
A grasshopper goes into a bar.
The bartender says, "Hey, we've got a drink named after you."
The grasshopper says, "Really, you have a drink named Fred?" |
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kazansky
Forum Senior Member
Joined: December 24 2006
Location: Indonesia
Status: Offline
Points: 5085
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Posted: January 28 2007 at 23:07 |
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i got these from an old email :
MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.
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What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
"A teacher"
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Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"
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Teacher: "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
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The devil we blame our atrocities on is really just each one of us.
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Australian
Prog Reviewer
Joined: June 13 2006
Location: Australia
Status: Offline
Points: 3278
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Posted: January 28 2007 at 23:19 |
Here’s a good joke: The English Cricket team.
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rupert
Forum Senior Member
Joined: February 18 2006
Location: Germany
Status: Offline
Points: 610
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Posted: January 29 2007 at 13:31 |
Once I was asked "What's going on in the head of a computer-specialist ?"
My answer was "Zeroes and single number one's build a chaos"
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...I'm a musician/singer/songwriter, visit me on www.reverbnation.com/rupertlenz and there you can choose from 125 recordings you can listen to ( for free ) if you're not limited to prog-rock !
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daz2112
Forum Senior Member
Joined: January 18 2006
Location: England
Status: Offline
Points: 4483
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Posted: January 29 2007 at 15:35 |
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What's green & sings at the bottom of the garden??
Elvis Parsley
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In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole
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moreitsythanyou
Forum Senior Member
VIP Member
Joined: April 23 2006
Location: NYC
Status: Offline
Points: 11682
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Posted: January 29 2007 at 21:20 |
Two peanuts were walking through a dark alley one night. One was as-salt-ed
What do you call a four piece mariachi band in quicksand?
Quatro Sink-o
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 <font color=white>butts, lol[/COLOR]
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progadicto
Forum Senior Member
Joined: July 19 2005
Location: Chile
Status: Offline
Points: 4316
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Posted: January 29 2007 at 21:31 |
Do you know how a woman loses the 90% of her brain? When her husband dies... And how she lose the other 10%??? When her dog dies!
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... E N E L B U N K E R...
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Chris H
Prog Reviewer
Joined: October 08 2006
Location: Charlotte, NC
Status: Offline
Points: 8191
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Posted: January 29 2007 at 21:33 |
progadicto wrote:
Do you know how a woman loses the 90% of her brain?
When her husband dies...
And how she lose the other 10%???
When her dog dies!
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Oh snap! 
Hahahahahaha!!!!
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Beauty will save the world.
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el böthy
Prog Reviewer
Joined: April 27 2005
Location: Argentina
Status: Offline
Points: 6336
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Posted: January 29 2007 at 22:31 |
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In an UN conference every ambassador is drunk, so they discide to play a game. Every country must show something special about them. So the yanqui from the USA gets up, drinks his Bud, leaves it, walks 20 meters and suddenly pulls out his gun and shoots it down in less than a second. Everybody claps and the yanqui says "Bill... Bufalo Bill". Then the russian guy gets up, drinks his vodka, pulls down his pants and lays them on the table. Everybody looks astonished at this mans genitals and the russian says "Bil...Chernobil".
Edited by el böthy - January 29 2007 at 22:33
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"You want me to play what, Robert?"
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Bad jokes...
