The Grey Room

Interview with Arthur "Two Sheds" Jackson from Monty Python's Flying Circus 
 
Host (Eric Idle): Last week the Royal Festival Hall saw the first performance
                  of a new symphony by one of the world's leading modern
                  composers, Arthur 'Two sheds' Jackson.  Mr Jackson.
Jackson (Terry Jones): Hello.
Host:    May I just sidetrack for one moment.  This -- what shall I call it --
         nickname of yours...
Jackson: Ah yes.
Host:    "Two sheds".  How did you come by it?
Jackson: Well, I don't use it myself, but some of my friends call me "Two
         Sheds".
Host:    And do you in fact have two sheds?
Jackson: No, I've only got one.  I've had one for some time, but a few years
         ago I said I was thinking of getting another, and since then some
         people have called me "Two Sheds".
Host:    In spite of the fact that you only have one.
Jackson: Yes.
Host:    And are you still intending to purchase this second shed?
Jackson (impatient): No!
Host:    ...To bring you in line with your epithet?
Jackson: No.
Host:    I see, I see. Well to return to your symphony.
Jackson: Ah yes.
Host:    Did you write this symphony in the shed?
Jackson (surprised): No!
Host:    Have you written any of your recent works in this shed of yours?
Jackson: No, no, not at all. It's just an ordinary garden shed.
Host:    I see, I see.  And you're thinking of buying this second shed to write
         in!
Jackson: No, no.  Look.  This shed business -- it doesn't really matter.  The
         sheds aren't important.  A few friends call me Two Sheds and that's
         all there is to it.  I wish you'd ask me about the music.  Everybody
         talks about the sheds.  They've got it out of proportion -- I'm a
         composer.  I'm going to get rid of the shed.  I'm fed up with it!
Host:   Then you'll be Arthur 'No Sheds' Jackson, eh?
Jackson: Look, forget about the sheds. They don't matter.
Host (sternly): Mr. Jackson, I think, with respect, we ought to return to the
                subject of your symphony.
Jackson: Huh!
Host:    I understand that you used to be interested in train-spotting.
Jackson: What?
Host:    I understand that, about thirty years ago, you were interested in
         train-spotting.
Jackson: Well what's that got to do with my bloody music?
John Cleese (entering): Are you having any trouble with him?
Host:    Yes, a little.  Good Lord!  You're the man who interviewed Sir Edward
         Ross earlier.
Cleese:  Exactly.  Well we interviewers are more than a match for the likes of
         you, "Two Sheds".
Host:    Yes, make yourself scarce, "Two Sheds".  This studio isn't big enough
         for the three of us!  [They throw him out.]
Jackson: Here, what are you doing?  Stop it! [Crash.]
Cleese:  Get your own Arts programme, you fairy!
Host:    Arthur "Two Sheds" Jackson... Never mind, Timmy.
Cleese:  Oh Mike, you're such a comfort.