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The Hemulen
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: July 31 2004
Location: UK
Status: Offline
Points: 5964
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Posted: July 23 2006 at 13:47 |
Rust wrote:
Actually Trouserpress, I am a bit educated in the Dada movement and its leaders.
Thanks to that movement an even better one emerged, The Surreal Movement.
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Matter of opinion.
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The Wizard
Prog Reviewer
Joined: July 18 2005
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 7341
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Posted: July 23 2006 at 13:52 |
Trouserpress wrote:
Rust wrote:
Actually Trouserpress, I am a bit educated in the Dada movement and its leaders.
Thanks to that movement an even better one emerged, The Surreal Movement.
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Matter of opinion. |
Dada had more raw energy and passion than Surrealism, while Surrealism was more refined and thought out. Both are great, I don't know which one I prefer to be honest.
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The Wizard
Prog Reviewer
Joined: July 18 2005
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 7341
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Posted: July 23 2006 at 13:58 |
This one is called 'Lost in Earthly Hell While Being Exposed to the Eyes of Lucifer'
I'm lost in here weakened by fear can't see ahead at best I'm dead the rats have overrun my mind only darkness lies behind but the light grows nearer even though I'm lost in this hell I no longer give a sh*t if I live or die and god just sits there, doesnt bother to cry all this doggone divinity Is just a lie but the light feels nearby so I'll hold hands with my soul and with them i'll pull....through this place! and I hear a voice from below and it tells me to give up to give up and give in, give up and give in I don't know what to decide my head is in a spin but the lights still there to me one more stretch and i'll be free oh lord, please talk to me or are you just a lie? my strength lives just with I
This one's called 'Let the Solar Needles Probe Your Mind'
I was lost in the cosmic city I could electricity around my head I was trying to keep track, not look back My mind left my body behind ya gotta let you mind vibrate at it's own frequency tune in to your soul Heavens isn't up there, it isn't down here either It's all exist in your head The only thing you take when your dead Don't listen to society, don't heed to there lies there should no limit to what thoughts your mind tries you may call me a madman, I think your a sadman you only see in the plain it's like your looking across the horizon in heavy rain you hear a voice from your mind, it's screaming to feel the unknown feeling I pity you you might as well lie on the floor and stare at the ceiling no depth in you livingm thought or feeling you'll rot away, and store away, and throw away, all the thoughts that matter your perception just continues to get flatter think electric thoughts, feel cosmic vibes
Every cliche in a Hawkwind song can be found in that one!
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Rust
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 14 2005
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 1148
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Posted: July 23 2006 at 20:25 |
Great stuff, Wizard! The first one felt, Hammil'ish', kinda the same mood as Geck0's, and very graphic.
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We got to pump the stuff to make us tough
from the heart
Its astart
What we need is awareness we cant get careless
Mental self defensive fitness
Make everybody see in order to fight the powers that be
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VanderGraafKommandöh
Prog Reviewer
Joined: July 04 2005
Location: Malaria
Status: Offline
Points: 89372
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Posted: July 23 2006 at 20:31 |
Yey, mine is certainly Hammillesque, but I don't think Mickey's is, it rhymes too much I prefer the former, to the latter I must say. Here's an old one, you may have read it before, I cannot remember! But because it is old, it's less structured (not that my poems have much structure!) and isn't as good as my later efforts: No Light Shines On Us Anymore
Swirling archangels crash and burn; trying to fly,
The lesser angels are in laughter, cherubs smile.
Defenceless against the evil thoughts of man,
All heavenly beings will soon crash and burn too;
To perish. Angels, Seraphs and Cherubs, all spirits.
Man thinks not of green, but of crimson and black.
Blood red.
Dark, purile. Dripping.
Tap.
Screams of pain.
Tap.
Screams of anger.
Tap.
Cries of laughter.
Tap.
They laugh at life;
They laugh at death.
A nefarious fiend is taking over.
Sliding...
Angels disappear into nothingness.
The never ending ramp of life, broken.
Nothing to arrive at except nothingness.
Bleak. Empty. Black.
A Spatial abyss.
All known light now fades.
Walls crumble, silence arrives.
Silence arrives abruptly.
God itself is now disturbed; it feels uneasy.
It is sinking. Its empire collapsing around it.
Not dying, but metamorphosizing.
The once sexless, neutral personification.
Turning male, turning evil. Eyes now glowing.
Piercing red eyes of death, focusing on one and all.
He is now completing his metamorphosis.
Limbo is no longer.
Heaven is no longer.
Even hell has gone.
This is far more evil than satan ever was.
Satan enjoyed his evil lifeforms.
The new personification of evil wants death.
He wants no living, he just wants our hearts to stop.
He won't even live long himself, he is not immortal.
He is as mortal as we all were.
He just had the means to destroy us.
All of us. Himself included.
Goodbye Earth. Goodbye Life.
Geck0 - 20th March 2005. But it is more depressing than most of my work. Also written before I really got into VdGG, so it's far less VdGG influenced.
Edited by Geck0 - July 23 2006 at 20:34
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Rust
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 14 2005
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 1148
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Posted: July 23 2006 at 20:39 |
I liked that, Geck0.
It's kinda spooky, maybe it's all the death/pain/evil reverences and allusions.
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We got to pump the stuff to make us tough
from the heart
Its astart
What we need is awareness we cant get careless
Mental self defensive fitness
Make everybody see in order to fight the powers that be
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VanderGraafKommandöh
Prog Reviewer
Joined: July 04 2005
Location: Malaria
Status: Offline
Points: 89372
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Posted: July 23 2006 at 20:41 |
Well, you have to think very much outside of the box to know what it's about. Think of President Bush... I just gave it away!
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The Wizard
Prog Reviewer
Joined: July 18 2005
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 7341
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Posted: July 23 2006 at 20:44 |
I wrote this earlier today, it's not surreal like my others.
tough time, trying to find where you left your mind
walking down the street, trying to stay on your feet
say goodbye to the catcher in the rye
facing the fact someday your gonna die
people kill just to fufill there lust to see blood spill
a plastic generation dieing for and following a plastic nation
fanatics control a people whole, suffering behind there own backs
the only to get to this mindless old sod is through religion, superstition, bible, and god
the people who rule us would do facism proud
but be careful not to say your opinion too loud
must be doped up on reality, cause death, lies, decieit, is all I see on T.V.
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VanderGraafKommandöh
Prog Reviewer
Joined: July 04 2005
Location: Malaria
Status: Offline
Points: 89372
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Posted: July 23 2006 at 20:45 |
Guess who wrote this:
"FLIES
As I opened the back door,
two flies were copulating on the cooker:
I found this very significant.
Late at night, my hand groped
for the aerosol.
They stayed together for the first
few seconds, wings scorched in the sudden fire,
minds disintegrating in the deadly mist.
Quite suddenly, the male tore himself away
from his penis
and dropped to the floor.
She remained, rolling around on the white enamel
and then fell through a crack into the oven.
Perhaps she had been a virgin
and thought this was what always happened.
I ate my egg
with a few pangs of conscience.
Later that night these disappeared
when another fly
shat on me from the light bulb
above my bed."
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Rust
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 14 2005
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 1148
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Posted: July 23 2006 at 21:03 |
Geck0 wrote:
Guess who wrote this:
"FLIES
As I opened the back door, two flies were copulating on the cooker: I found this very significant. Late at night, my hand groped for the aerosol.
They stayed together for the first few seconds, wings scorched in the sudden fire, minds disintegrating in the deadly mist. Quite suddenly, the male tore himself away from his penis and dropped to the floor. She remained, rolling around on the white enamel and then fell through a crack into the oven. Perhaps she had been a virgin and thought this was what always happened.
I ate my egg with a few pangs of conscience. Later that night these disappeared when another fly shat on me from the light bulb above my bed."
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Reminded me of "I saw a fly before I died." by Emily Dickensen, it has about nothing to do with it though, but whoever wrote it might have made a reference or two about her.
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We got to pump the stuff to make us tough
from the heart
Its astart
What we need is awareness we cant get careless
Mental self defensive fitness
Make everybody see in order to fight the powers that be
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VanderGraafKommandöh
Prog Reviewer
Joined: July 04 2005
Location: Malaria
Status: Offline
Points: 89372
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Posted: July 23 2006 at 21:09 |
Well it's someone in the prog world and someone I very much admire as a lyricist. This poem influenced me to write a poem myself.
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The Wizard
Prog Reviewer
Joined: July 18 2005
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 7341
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Posted: July 23 2006 at 21:20 |
Any comments on mine?
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VanderGraafKommandöh
Prog Reviewer
Joined: July 04 2005
Location: Malaria
Status: Offline
Points: 89372
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Posted: July 23 2006 at 21:23 |
Some of the verses are a bit... well... spurgled.
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The Wizard
Prog Reviewer
Joined: July 18 2005
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 7341
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Posted: July 23 2006 at 21:24 |
Geck0 wrote:
Some of the verses are a bit... well... spurgled. |
What does that mean?
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VanderGraafKommandöh
Prog Reviewer
Joined: July 04 2005
Location: Malaria
Status: Offline
Points: 89372
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Posted: July 23 2006 at 21:29 |
Well when reading them, they seem a little garbled and sometimes long and it takes me off track.
Especially here: a plastic generation dieing for and following a plastic nation
An unnatural pause occurs and it's a little offputting for me.
Edited by Geck0 - July 23 2006 at 21:29
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Rust
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 14 2005
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 1148
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Posted: July 23 2006 at 21:39 |
Ya, that line is good but doesn't flow. You could change it to this,
a plastic generation following and dieing for a plastic nation
Overall it was fine though. You do have a deffinite voice in your poetry, and i think that is most important when writing it.
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We got to pump the stuff to make us tough
from the heart
Its astart
What we need is awareness we cant get careless
Mental self defensive fitness
Make everybody see in order to fight the powers that be
|
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The Wizard
Prog Reviewer
Joined: July 18 2005
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 7341
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Posted: July 23 2006 at 22:08 |
It's actually supposed to be song, if that means anything.
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Rust
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 14 2005
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 1148
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Posted: July 23 2006 at 22:22 |
A lot of my poetry is supposed to be a song as well, either way it's all good.
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We got to pump the stuff to make us tough
from the heart
Its astart
What we need is awareness we cant get careless
Mental self defensive fitness
Make everybody see in order to fight the powers that be
|
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VanderGraafKommandöh
Prog Reviewer
Joined: July 04 2005
Location: Malaria
Status: Offline
Points: 89372
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Posted: July 23 2006 at 22:25 |
Mine are written as poems, but they could be sung as well, especially the Hammill-esque ones.
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Rust
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 14 2005
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 1148
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Posted: July 23 2006 at 22:52 |
I noticed.
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We got to pump the stuff to make us tough
from the heart
Its astart
What we need is awareness we cant get careless
Mental self defensive fitness
Make everybody see in order to fight the powers that be
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