But tonight, c’est le Meaning Of Life.

It's not what it seems!  it was 03:27 in the morning and we were a little corny (if that's the right word)

It was not a joke.

I discovered about 4 years ago that I am going to die (once).

When you are a little kid, you think the life you're leading is never going to end.

When I discovered this is not true, that was a slap in the face.

Life keeps on dissappointing me. Getting older is terrible, I am eighteen now, but I already think like an elderly when it's my birthday: "Now I'm going to die a year sooner".

I passed my finals and now It's the holidays. Hooray. It's terrible. I have to have driving lessons and I don't want it. I want to do something nice or creative but I can't find courage or inspiration.

Very often, I feel like an embittered, old man.

Joren wrote: It was not a joke. I discovered about 4 years ago that I am going to die (once). When you are a little kid, you think the life you're leading is never going to end. When I discovered this is not true, that was a slap in the face. Life keeps on dissappointing me. Getting older is terrible, I am eighteen now, but I already think like an elderly when it's my birthday: "Now I'm going to die a year sooner". I passed my finals and now It's the holidays. Hooray. It's terrible. I have to have driving lessons and I don't want it. I want to do something nice or creative but I can't find courage or inspiration. Very often, I feel like an embittered, old man.

Maybe this sounds a little morbid. But I really think that knowing you're gonna die may just be the only comfort to this life. I'm not scared of it, and in many ways I look forward to it. Not because I hate life as such, I just feel so old and too sad, and I'm only 18. Also because I'm cusious to see what is gonna happen. 

I can't remember when I first knew I was gonna die. But I don't recall it as something bad. It's kinda comforting knowing that days of constant struggle and dissapointment, with short moments of happiness will end sometime. It's not something I used to think about, really.

I understand what you mean though. But you will find inspiration again. Things change so much, and you just feel like you're not moving along or that you're missing the great things that everyone else seem to experience. (atleast I do)... But as Bill Hicks says 'It's just a ride'... 

I hope you're ok bunbun

And, you'd miss out on good stuff like MORE BBQ's and good meat and ofcourse the different kinds of beer there for the tasting AND the day you find out something funny about your dad and your father-in-law.

Did I mention you'd miss out on good beef?

Belljar wrote: Oh I'm not talking about killing myself. Did it seem like that? I could never do that, even if I did lose all hope. I could never hurt people like that. I could only imagine how awful it would be if someone I loved did that. I believe in fighting anyway. And I'm my own example that I can succeed, because I've been beyond self-destruction. And I'm fine now I wont cry the day I'm sure I'll meet Jim Morrison and Janis Joplin though

It's a pity I don't believe in that... I would sell my genitals if I could shake the hand of Mr. Zappa!