STRANGE

> West

A bouncer the size of two rugby league players in a dinner jacket made from the fleece of a male African Elephant picks you up by the lapels and growls "Your name's not Dan, You're not coming in."

> Give Glasgow Kiss to Bouncer

The bouncer throws you 11 meters up into the air, where you catch an unsuspecting plover. You plummet back to earth, clutching the plover in your right hand.

The bouncer says "Ahhhh! A Liddle birdie all of my wery own. In you come - you're just in time!"

Knees all a-tremblode, you stebber stebber forward, making a mental note to stop thinking in tones used by Professor Stanley Unwin on "Ogden's Nut Gone Flake".

You enter a dark cavern;

To the far West is a huge stage, bedecked with lights, although most are off, because there is currently no band playing.

To the North is an inviting bar, with more female figures than male perched on tall barstools along its enormous length.

To the South are oak-panelled doors.

Looking up, you see a railed gallery with ornately carved balustrades and doors leading off it.

>

You are in a red Cornflakes packet on the outskirts of a shrubbery near Nottingham.

North is a factory that shells ocelots, in a deep fundamold of a complicating forey - like Orpheus in the undergrowth Pft! there it was.

South is a blanched lemming with fructals like Marilyn Monroe in an Australian sauna.

East is no place for a girl like you to be matey boy and that's for sure. Jeebers!

West. West. The West is the Bargain of the year - only 17 turtles and a jar of marmalade for me today, Mrs Higginbottom - how's your Bert's lumbago?

You have no scruples, a pound of howsyourfather, tuppenyha'penny tickets to "Me and Mrs Stimpson" at the Goldwyn Metro, Hammersmith Broadway, some mouldy gorgonzola for your lizard, Duke, and a packet of tripe.

>

Well, I had to do something special for my 800th post!

QUOTE=danbo]Ah, Sherlock, quite elementary, wot? [/QUOTE]

 it's a pee out to the system how they try and f**k us but yet we're still laughin'!SHERLOCK is an example of how trippy work can become if we forget the notion of what work represents in the first place and he goes on and on try things out being so precise but he's obviously having a lotto fun even though there's an element of desolation inside himself yet his integrity and joy for life keeps him alive!................. 

danbo wrote: It's the pigeons after all, isn't it? Like dipping cheese into the steaming wound. I once tripped on a sputnik while grooving to Ginger pubes and juggling gasoline. Then she said "Doink off, sweetpea." So I throttled the carburetor with a flounder and tanked the giraffe. You are totally correct Mr. Canvas... Strange, isn't it?

 Check this out and you'll soon realize who that heck that is

http://www.altcountrytab.com/modules.php?name=Forums&fil e=viewtopic&t=2498

danbo wrote: Gov't Prosecutor, "Exactly what, Ms. fates, was the funnel used for?"

I think that was made painfully obvious by the film... so my advice.. watch first, ask questions later...

EELS!!...EELS!!!

i had an ex girlfreind who used to shoot tennis balls!!!

very handy when i needed to brush up on my game!!

IT WAS FROM HER MOUTH... you sickos

honestly!! cant a man write intelligent humour without it being misinterpreted by perverts.

well,not on THIS site he cant!!!!!

Write a song about it!

GREY (Copyright owned by ME!)

There's no black and white it's only grey today
All the colours have gone away
What that means I just can't say
It's all grey
All gone grey
Only grey

My brand new coat is ragged and frayed
I hide behind it where once I displayed
I cower in fear where once I was brave
It's all grey
All gone grey
All gone grey
All gone grey

When I wake up it's still grey
And I don't want to go outside today
The walls round me stopped closing in
When I stopped colours coming in
So why did it all turn grey?

Why did it all turn grey?

My so-called friends won't come to my aid
Buying and Consuming is my only trade
Everything round me is just second grade
It's all grey
It's only grey
It's only grey
It's only...

I set this to music in a kind of quasi-tribal, Gabriel-esque kinda way - hopefully I'll be able to provide a link sometime soon...

danbo wrote: Why only this morning, I broke wind with such force, that a kidney was expelled at great speed, narrowly missing the cat...... it took an understanding wife, with a pair of warmed spoons to replace said organ.

[/QUOTE]

Really.. well one of my son's girlfriends just sent me a video... I think its suppose to be a porno, but I'm not quite sure... anyway, it was 2 japanese girls, a funnel and a bowl of baby eels... I got a feeling those eels were shooting around the room with greater speed than your kidney..

I actually just wanted to know what animal protection agency I could call to report baby eel abuse..

EEWWWWWEEEEE!!!