The Ranting Room

Blacksword wrote: A couple of years ago, someone made a sign saying 'Twinned with Beirut' and attached it to the Great Hollands road sign, where it stayed for two days before being ripped down. It even made the local paper. But, attracted letters of complaint, probably from the only two people on the estate who could write.

Similarly:

There's an area of Stevenage called Chells; some time ago, one of the roadsigns was altered with a little white paint to read "hell" - it's never been changed back.

Give you an idea what the place is like, two of our friends moved away when their son was being threatened on a regular basis by local lads with baseball bats; the reason? Long hair... Their ages? About 5 (as were the bullies concerned ).

Problem was, the place they moved to in Peterborough (frying pan to fire situation, unfortunately) later became a "sink" estate, where the problem recurred & became worse as their daughter passed a certain age...

Our friends now live in a nice village in France.

Geck0 wrote: Did you live in Harmans Water then, Lee?

Somewhere much rougher.I grew up in...Deptford!!!

Geck0 wrote: ...'' The part of Harmans Water is where you get beaten up for looking simply at a lamp-post. "

In the 1970s I used to get beaten up for looking like a lamp post...Ah! those were the days    

Edited by Man Erg - January 22 2008 at 09:07

Geck0 wrote: To make Andy happy (or not):<font ="" color="#505050">Mooney _WRITES "Well, where can you start!!!!Bracknell, one of the worst places to get mugged in England or RAPED, as recent events and the news have shown. It's dirty, grimy, chavvy and you're the local hero, if you pass A you're GCSE or ,maybe even college, but don't go to far. The part of Harmans Water is where you get beaten up for looking simply at a lamp-post. Property is hard to find once you want to move out of the council flat, as youre windows are broken and the pigeons keep on flying in sh*tting on you're car boot sale sofa.You've seen nothing like Great Hollands, just mentioning the name screws you up!! As you can see, "Bracknell, well worth a visit!", according to the mayor."

I wont stand for that at all!!

It's not Harmans Water where you get beaten up for looking at a lamp post, it's Priestwood! I wish these researchers would get their facts straight..

As for Great Hollands..'gulp'..I've just had a flash back. I used to live there as a kid. At primary school I was known as 'Andy of the 'Ollands' Seriously..

A couple of years ago, someone made a sign saying 'Twinned with Beirut' and attached it to the Great Hollands road sign, where it stayed for two days before being ripped down. It even made the local paper. But, attracted letters of complaint, probably from the only two people on the estate who could write.

Edited by darqDean - January 22 2008 at 08:54

The Bracknell entry..

"Welcome to Bracknell, just outside of London. A small, narrow-minded and utterly pointless provincial dustbin. A mass construction of ugly grubby council estates and tacky chain shops.

Watch the pathetic little inbreds beat each other senseless through boredom after 11.30pm when the pubs chuck them all out. Key spots include outside The Point, at the train station or anywhere in the town centre.

An uncultured, boring and very ignorant social experiment where people don't tend to leave, which is probably for the best. Never go there and certainly don't live there. It's for your own good"



That's actually one of the more generous reviews of my home town, I've read..

An entry for Staines.

"I can't believe Staines isn't already listed! The 'home' of Ali 'G' and subsequently 'The Staines Massive' - because the inhabitants of this place, so named because it is A DIRTY MARK ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH, actually think he's for real. Yes, honestly.
I have seen graffiti proclaiming the territory of "ThE staIns mASiv" - the only strength of the local high school being 'sports' (for which read 'thuggery') not language, or indeed anything that doesn't involve running a bit fast (useful from 'leggin' it' from the local plod for one's most recent act of mindless antisocial behaviour) and/or full body contact. The centre of Staines is, naturally, the local shopping centre, where young Chavs congrate to amble from shop to shop, marvelling at the utter sh*te on offer and declaring, at the top of their muck-common voices and around their perma-visible chewing gum, "'S WEEEELL GUD, INNIT?". Frankly, no, it's generally not. The height of fashion here, is tucking one's tracksuit bottoms into one's football socks, or, for girls, pulling back one's hair so tight it appears to be receeding and slicked with axl grease. There is no tolerance for the small clique of local Rock Kids, who are routinely bellowed at as "FU'K'N GRUNGERS! GUNNA KILL Y'SELF LIKE THAT BLOKE FROM THAT BAND? FUK'N FREAKS!" truly should be. The local jewellers are invariably shunned in favour of the local Argos, where all know Chavs kit themselves out in sub-standard 9ct Gold tat. The most beautifully ironic thing about about Staines - which I gleefully left at the first opportunity - is that the local Posh (confined to a row of houses along the stagnant swap passing as a river) actually want to change the name to 'Staines-on-Thames' in a bid to smarten up its image. Until such time as the local Chavs are rounded up and forced to eat themselves to death on their own pseudo-designer sports wear, or garrotted with their own clown necklaces (even thrown into said river, weighed down by their earrings), the only name change for which Staines is deserving, would be to the wholly more accurate: BLOT ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH Avoid at all costs. "



(nb-Staines =French = stones)There has been a river crossing made of large stones for a couple of thousand years.

Perhaps they could send some chavs to see exactly where in the Thames the original crossing stones are.

Edited by Man Erg - January 22 2008 at 08:58

Sounds like you should change your head gear, James:

Blacksword wrote: I imagine there is a guide to 'chav attractions/places of interest' somewhere; sports shops, underpasses, kebab vans, A&E units etc.. You'd have to ask the tourist board..

Jim Garten wrote: fandango wrote: I have heard that in some parts of rural Manchester, they have taken to dipping a 'hoodie' into a mixture of alcohol, chav vomit and blood from a 'shanking', then attaching an assortment of gold jewellery before dragging it across a council estate It's an interesting idea, but how then do the chasing hounds differentiate the subject from the local populace?