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Jim Garten 
Special Collaborator
Retired Admin & Razor Guru
Joined: February 02 2004
Location: South England
Status: Offline
Points: 14693
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 Posted: May 24 2004 at 10:47 |
 Stormcrow wrote:
Think before you act, Man! |
Someone should have said that to the governor of California.......
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Jon Lord 1941 - 2012
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Stormcrow
Forum Senior Member
Joined: February 05 2004
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 400
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Posted: May 24 2004 at 10:30 |
Jim Garten wrote:
Ah, England - God's green and pleasant land (Hmmmmm, a bit too green, I think - a few more motorways needed across Exmoor)
Toodle Pip! |
Cheese Whiz Garten!
Like, your cows aren't angry enough as is. If my cows were mad, I wouldn't go around provoking them further by cutting down on their pasture land. Cattle are capable of goring, you know? And when they start goring, pretty soon your Eton Jacket will be taken in so much that you'll no longer be able to button it up.
Think before you act, Man!
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Jim Garten
Special Collaborator
Retired Admin & Razor Guru
Joined: February 02 2004
Location: South England
Status: Offline
Points: 14693
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Posted: May 24 2004 at 08:01 |
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Good afternoon, Mr Rideupon-Lawn-Mower, Piccolo Thunderbutt here........
Thus far, May has been a splendid month...... periods of warm sunshine, highlighting the verdant lushness of mother Nature's bounty, alternating with the usual signs that summer is just around the corner (torrential rain, unexpected night frosts, a higher than usual occurrence of depression related suicide, and Christmas trees on sale in Harrods).
You're perfectly correct when you say there was a bluebird on my windowsill on Friday - there usually is in May; admittedly, said bird did die a couple of years ago, but the application of spray starch, regular re-inflation with a bicycle pump, and a good strong glue keeps him looking as good as, well, not new exactly, but at least there are no new maggots this year....
Ah, England - God's green and pleasant land (Hmmmmm, a bit too green, I think - a few more motorways needed across Exmoor)
Toodle Pip!
Edited by Jim Garten
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Jon Lord 1941 - 2012
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Peter
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: January 31 2004
Location: Canada
Status: Offline
Points: 9669
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Posted: May 24 2004 at 01:11 |
 Hello Jimberliolio!
Spring comes to the UK! April showers bring May showers, fog and mist, which bring depression, damp, mould, asthma, bronchitis, pneumonia and TB.... (Cough! Hack! Snort! Expectorate! I need a fag....)
Speaking of spring, I heard there was a (black and) bluebird on your office windowsill on Friday....
 You are one sad, sick little Englishman!
Is the pub open yet? 
Edited by Peter Rideout
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"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
He chortled in his joy.
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Joren
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: February 07 2004
Location: Netherlands
Status: Offline
Points: 6667
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Posted: May 23 2004 at 09:32 |
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No, you're on Uranus!
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dude
Forum Senior Member
Joined: January 30 2004
Location: Australia
Status: Offline
Points: 1338
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Posted: May 22 2004 at 12:19 |
WOW...IT IS 2:29 AM!! SUNDAY 25 MAY 2004 ....WHERE THE f**k AM I, I THOUGHT I WAS SAVING SOME KIDS FROM A WITCH WHO WANTED TO EAT THEM, BUT THEY ESCAPED(STRANGE...BUT THE HOUSE WAS MADE FROM GINGERBREAD,...WHAT THE HELL WAS HER PROBLEM!!!?)...ONE OF THE KIDS WAS CALLED.."HANSEL"....I WILL HAVE TO GET HIS SIDE OF THE STORY!!.....
I AM ON MARS AM I NOT?
Edited by dude
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Velvetclown
Forum Senior Member
Joined: February 13 2004
Status: Offline
Points: 8548
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Posted: May 21 2004 at 15:50 |
ET TU JOREN ! 
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Joren
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: February 07 2004
Location: Netherlands
Status: Offline
Points: 6667
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Posted: May 21 2004 at 13:59 |
Santa Claus wrote:
Mariah Carey wrote:
Bill Bruford, agreeing with the following, whilst being jealous of his inability to take part, lest the college finds out... wrote:
Captain Jack wrote:
President Clinton wrote:
A Banana Tree!!! wrote:
Go for a walk!
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I can't walk, my balzac is in the way!
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I love applejuice! And I can't stand the smell of a walking rabbit! It gives me the grorphalgings! It wishes us to go with our ancestors' behaviour... be a cow!
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La cucaracha! La cucaracha!
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I object! Iam NOT wearing a tutu! I'm wearing TWO! 
(La cucaracha! La cucaracha!)
Edited by Joren
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Peter
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: January 31 2004
Location: Canada
Status: Offline
Points: 9669
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Posted: May 21 2004 at 12:59 |
Jim Garten wrote:
Peter Rideout, agreeing with the following, whilst being jealous of his inability to take part, lest the college finds out... wrote:
danbo wrote:
Joren wrote:
Certif1ed wrote:
a fufu is a balzac squirt, you know. I'm wearing one right now! As a member of the LA law enforcement community, this is standard apparel (but where the devil does one store one's baton?)
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Yes, so am I. It hurt when I squeeze it and I lost the directions. Am I missing something? 
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 I'm stuck like glue on a Mountie! I just strap it on, inflate it, grease some caribou, or elk, and roll the wildebeest down my sweaty, oiled body. It they don't squeeze, I slowly reduce their exposure to Joren's acne. Squack!
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Such confessions make me so hot! I'm going to have to go slam my old one-eyed dribbler in the office window a few times, just to cool down! Yowtch! 
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Edited by Peter Rideout
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"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
He chortled in his joy.
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Jim Garten
Special Collaborator
Retired Admin & Razor Guru
Joined: February 02 2004
Location: South England
Status: Offline
Points: 14693
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Posted: May 21 2004 at 08:42 |
Peter Rideout, agreeing with the following, whilst being jealous of his inability to take part, lest the college finds out... wrote:
danbo wrote:
Joren wrote:
Certif1ed wrote:
a fufu is a balzac squirt, you know. I'm wearing one right now! As a member of the LA law enforcement community, this is standard apparel (but where the devil does one store one's baton?)
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Yes, so am I. It hurt when I squeeze it and I lost the directions. Am I missing something?
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I'm stuck like glue on a Mountie! I just strap it on, inflate it, grease some caribou, or elk, and roll the wildebeest down my sweaty, oiled body. It they don't squeeze, I slowly reduce their exposure to Joren's acne. Squack! |
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Such confessions!!
Edited by Jim Garten
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Jon Lord 1941 - 2012
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Peter
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: January 31 2004
Location: Canada
Status: Offline
Points: 9669
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Posted: May 20 2004 at 23:47 |
danbo wrote:
Joren wrote:
Certif1ed wrote:
a fufu is a balzac squirt, you know. I'm wearing one right now!
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Yes, so am I. It hurt when I squeeze it and I lost the directions. Am I missing something?
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 I'm stuck like glue on waterfowl! I just strap it on, inflate it, grease some ducks, and roll the tape. It they don't squeeze, I slowly reduce their air flow. Squack! 
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"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
He chortled in his joy.
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Dan Bobrowski
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: February 02 2004
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 5243
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Posted: May 20 2004 at 17:19 |
Joren wrote:
Certif1ed wrote:
a fufu is a balzac squirt, you know. I'm wearing one right now!
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Yes, so am I. It hurt when I squeeze it and I lost the directions. Am I missing something?
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Never glue it on Joren. Just strap it on with some duck tape. Don't squeeze, small pinches reduce the air flow. 
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Certif1ed
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: April 08 2004
Location: England
Status: Offline
Points: 7559
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Posted: May 20 2004 at 07:52 |
Jim Garten wrote:
Joren wrote:
a tutu is a ballet skirt, you know. I'm wearing one right now! 
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Yes, so what? Am I drinking something? I never can tell - the lack of a working liver can be such a handicap sometimes - and besides, I thought that tutus were all the rage in Holland - or was that the cactus juice again?
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Such are the perils of listening to wierd music, putting on women's clothing and hanging around in bars, youth, lumberjacks, buttered scones and the wearing of suspicious hats.... Kids of today - whatever next
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Jim Garten
Special Collaborator
Retired Admin & Razor Guru
Joined: February 02 2004
Location: South England
Status: Offline
Points: 14693
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Posted: May 20 2004 at 05:41 |
Joren wrote:
Certif1ed wrote:
a tutu is a ballet skirt, you know. I'm wearing one right now!
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Yes, so what? Am I eating something? I never can tell - the lack of a working brain can be such a handicap sometimes |
Such are the perils of youth, young man; youth, and the wearing of suspicious hats....
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Jon Lord 1941 - 2012
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Joren
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: February 07 2004
Location: Netherlands
Status: Offline
Points: 6667
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Posted: May 20 2004 at 05:36 |
Certif1ed wrote:
a tutu is a ballet skirt, you know. I'm wearing one right now!
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Yes, so what? Am I missing something?
Edited by Joren
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Certif1ed
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: April 08 2004
Location: England
Status: Offline
Points: 7559
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Posted: May 20 2004 at 03:06 |
Mr Flibble wrote:
Pickled Jorens are better'n cheese.
I once caught a Joren, had it stuffed and mounted - but he complained bitterly so I had to let him go.
Chicks go "cheep, cheep, cheep".
(but they're still too expensive for Sunday dinner, so I'll stick with beans).
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...man!!! What have you been smoking, and where can I get some?
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Dan Bobrowski
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: February 02 2004
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 5243
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Posted: May 20 2004 at 00:24 |
Straw? We don't need no stinkin' straw....
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How about a pickle Joren, it's better'n cheese.
Yeah!!!
Chicks dig it.
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Certif1ed
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: April 08 2004
Location: England
Status: Offline
Points: 7559
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Posted: May 19 2004 at 16:45 |
You would NOT BELIEVE how much THAT hurt... 
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Jim Garten
Special Collaborator
Retired Admin & Razor Guru
Joined: February 02 2004
Location: South England
Status: Offline
Points: 14693
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Posted: May 19 2004 at 09:12 |
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Jon Lord 1941 - 2012
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Certif1ed
Special Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator
Joined: April 08 2004
Location: England
Status: Offline
Points: 7559
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Posted: May 19 2004 at 07:55 |
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Last time I tried, it scalded my nostrils...
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