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dude View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 11 2004 at 01:12
WILL THE RIDEOUT 2001 SUCCEED OR WILL ITS OUT OF DATE 1 GIG PROCESSOR FAIL WILL, JIM WAKE IN TIME TO COUNTER THE DEADLY THREAT!! (OH WAIT....he is awake AND HE,S GOT THE DIAMOND..DAMN!!!!)AND WILL JENS BLAND(DUDE) EVER GET THAT SOCK RIGHT!!!STAY TUNED FOR PART THREE WHERE YOU WILL HERE PETER SAY......"HELLO"...WHERE JIM WILL REVEAL A PLOT TWIST SO MINOR THAT NO ONE WILL NOTICE AND WHERE DUDE WILL WRITE 15 PAGES OF WORDS THAT WILL MAKE ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE  TO ANYONE NOT EVEN HIM....he.......thou...WHATEVER!!

Edited by dude
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 11 2004 at 00:37

 Good "ad," O Danny-boy! Ha!LOL

Back to the show soon.... (it's evolving in my fertile, fecund, frolicsome, follically-challenged head.)Wacko

(Feel free, friends.)



Edited by Peter Rideout
"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
He chortled in his joy.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 10 2004 at 17:29

************Commercial Break********

Pop

SSSHHHFPPP

clink

SSSSLLLUUURRPPPP

AAAAHHHHH!!!

BBBUURURRPPP!!!!

Camera pans from the condensation puddle on the mahogany bar and focuses on a balding middle aged nerdish deviant with a weathered, sweat stained Tormato Tour t-shirt. The voice emanates forth from a gap toothed cavernous maw causing the small green booger on the tip of his left nostril to vibrate.  "Boddington's, the prog reviewers beer of choice." A putride smile creeps across the tobacco stained teeth as the camera pans back to the bar and focuses on the half empty bottle. Background sound of a loogy being hawked upon the barroom floor.....   

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 08 2004 at 08:06
Deep in the heart of the rolling British green and pleasant countryside, lies the Erno Crumfeldt Memorial Resthome for the Terminally Bewildered; in a private room, well away from the prying eyes of the public, the tabloid press, the depraved, the Canadian and the Australian, lies our hero.

Having been transferred to this secluded refuge after a near terminal encounter with a burning duvet and an insane robot, Garten lies semi concious, and partially incontinent in a drug induced stupor, babbling inanities and swatting at imaginary flies..... his recovery is complete!

His messenger wasps had recently returned from a recce of the Dutch Low Countries, and confirmed his earlier suspicion that Rideout & Dude were indeed working together; they had been seen speaking at Van Vandenvan's little soire in Amsterdam (indeed, one partucularly astute wasp had even seen DUDE kiss RIDEOUT's hand - confirming Gartens suspicions regarding these debased colonials), and although their exact words could not be accurately picked up over the general hubbub, the words "Star Of Vegemite" could just be distinguished - "damn that General Hubbub" thought Garten, "I can never hear anything over his voice!!"

Lighting a cigarette (vetted by HQ for mollusc traces), he pondered on how this situation had come about - the 1922 expedition when he & Rideout (then only 74 years old) had stolen the 'Star Of Vegemite' from the dying hand of its creator, Mustafa Leak; the later disagreement over custard, which led to their estrangement (and ultimately, the great dessert war of 1932/5, when the 'Star' was lost forever - or so Rideout thought), and eventually RIDEOUT's desperate alliance with the evil southern barbarians to regain control of the worlwide trade in weak cold pissy lager.

"Sad, so sad" thought Garten, as he opened a secret pouch secreted about his person, and brought out a velvet purse, wherein lay...... "The Star Of Vegemite"

He sighed........ "so many deaths, so many needless deaths, the orphans, the widows, the breweries"

Garten wiped a tear from his eye,

"Sod 'em!!"



Edited by Jim Garten

Jon Lord 1941 - 2012
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 07 2004 at 01:45

Well my primary hobbies are : 1. Music 2. Cars 3. Fantasy Fiction (tolkien , salvatore, etc) 4.RPGs (role playing games) 5. i'm planning to add Traveling when i get my own car  6. decoration of living rooms

Concerning Ouzo young ppl drink it mixed with Coca Cola or with any sort of juice (orange and lemon being at the top selections) when they go out to a bar or a club! When we have launch and have fish as the major plate we mix it with water and/or ice ! You should really try Raki , Tsipouro and Tsikoudia ! they rock too.



Edited by Aerandir
That which doesn't kill you, postpones the inevitable
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 06 2004 at 06:28
Dude as his alter ego Jens Bland secret agent 003(and a bit) of T.A.R.T.S(Tactical Action Reaction Team of Superspies) arrived fashionably late at the party for dutch abassador Van Vandenvan.....He knew his archnemesis Rideout would be there.As the great doors of the ambassadors house swung open the volume of noise rose from the party,he had done this many times,the thrust and parry of conversation,the empty platitudes to flatter some old doweger...he checked his sock before entering ..."AH bland"the ambassedor walked up to him arms outstretched "Welcome",Bland smiled warmly "nice to see you again"...COME said the ambassedor "there is someone you simply MUST meet!" he led bland into the noisy crowd to a tall bearded man "RIDEOUT"!! He thought to himself.THe ambassador introduced them.."This is wealthy cattle baron and gerbil breeder ROGER DE CABENBOY,the two exchanged coldly polite looks,"so MR De cabenboy you sell cattle?" yes De c.answered "i am a big Bull shipper"",And the gerbils?" bland asked,"they are popular with.........some people"..But here let me introduce you to my wife!",Bland turned to the attractive women by his nemesis side.."so nice to meet you madam,he bent to kiss the proferred hand."ER...Bland thats my hand" said  De C...Iwas reaching for some cake!!","i am terribly sorry!" replied Bland "But the painted fingernails fooled me". De Cabenboy snatched his hand back with an annoyed look and turned to his wife "Darling could you excuse us for a while?" "of course" she said and walked off to join a conversation elsewhere....the two men were alone.."So Rideout, we meet again"!!. "I see you escaped GARTENS DEAdly Badgers Bland or should i say DUDE said RIDEOUT"Yes" replied Bland "Though it was close, after he disabled the DUDE MARK IV i had to leave in a hurry,i hadnt counted on that!" still he is recovering from your poisoned cigarettes and is unaware that the RIDEOUT 2001 is heading for him now...I thought you two were partners?!!" RIDEOUT WAS GRIM.."WE  were and still are we had a slight ......disagreement and i am just voicing my ...Displeasure! still you know that he and i are after the worldsmost expensive jewel the "STAR OF VEGEMITE" THE WORLDS ONLY BLACK DIAMOND... and you BLAND and your TARTS wont stop us HAHAHA!!!!...............Bland raised a glass of wine and drank deeply pausing only to spit out a cigarrette butt......"We shall see"...."We shall see"..Bland watch RIDEOUT walk toward his wife then he turned "by the way" he said..."Your sock is showing"...Rideout walked away smiling,leaving Bland to pull up his zipper..in the gaze of dissapointed ladies
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 06 2004 at 02:19

No sooner had Garten nodded off, however, than the boozey DUDE Mark IV came crashing through his bedroom wall. "Don't you know that it's dangerous to SMOKE IN BED?" screamed the alcohol-addled Aussie automaton, before agent Garten jumped up and grappled with him, knocking the metal-manthing through the open bedroom door, and "arse-over kettle" down the stairs. A satisfying sproing-ing sound, like that of a large leaping marsupial, told Jim that the "Austrailian avenger" was out of commission, at least for now. "What ho, pip pip, that was easy," mused the unflappable, stiff-upper-lipped -- but stale Woodbines smelling -- Englishman. "Lucky for me it was Australian built, and thus forced to walk on its hands here in the northern hemisphere. Most unstable..... Bloody 'ell, me bleedin' bed's on fire again!"

Meanwhile, the grim-faced RIDEOUT 2001, armed to the teeth with a mind-boggling array of sophisticated and deadly weaponry (plus clam juicer, glass rimmer, and ice dispenser; but lacking a basic geography chip, and having therefore been earlier thwarted by a mysterious, large salty body of water in its aim to drive to Garten's corrupt, tea-and-crumpet-soaked island home), was experiencing yet another setback, in the guise of a burly security guard at Toronto's Pearson International Airport: "Sir, I repeat: Do you have anything metal on your person?" "Infernal carbon-based peon, my entire perfect and lethal body is made of metal!" the miffed man-machine replied, before ripping the luckless guard's head from his shoulders. "I'm never flying British Airways again" fumed the revenge-bent robot later, as, still seething, he tore into his complimentary in-flight peanuts. "I'm sure I asked for a window seat, the beer is flat, twiggy, laughably weak, and as warm as moose urine, and there's no Kraftwerk on any of the music channels!"

Thinks were looking decidedly "rum" for Garten, who slept on, blissfully unaware of the looming danger looming ever loomier in the gloomy, polluted Dickensian-grey skies above his wretched, tottering island. "Perfect," reflected the robot with smug superiority, "they're already in bed over here! No wonder they lost their puny empire!"  



Edited by Peter Rideout
"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
He chortled in his joy.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 04 2004 at 20:12
WILL JIM RECOVER FROM HIS MOLLUSC POISONING!!WILL DUDES PLAN SUCCEED!!,WILL MAX KICK US ALL OF THE SITE FOR BEING SELF INDULGENT!! DO THE REST OF YOU EVEN CARE.STAY TUNED FOR PART TWO WHERE YOU WILL HEAR PETER RIDEOUT SAY "WHAT THE BLOODY HELL HAVE YOU TWO BEEN DOING IN MY ABSESNSE!!?,WHERE JIM WILL REVEAL A STARTLING SECRET FETISH INVOLVING FISH AND WHERE DUDE WILL CONTINUE TO MANGLE THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE!!!!!
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 04 2004 at 11:36
Weakened by the remains of the toxins in his system, Jim takes to his bed with only the burning fire of anticipated revenge keeping him alive.

"this is not just the work of that Canadian scoundrel" he thought "there are darker forces at work here....."

He wondered, could the DUDE MARK IV be so stupid as to think he could collude with Rideout 2001 without Jim knowing..........?????

Jim's wife Vicky bought in a cup of Earl Grey, a biscuit and his cigarettes.... moments later, surrounded by crumbs, cigarette ash and a drying tea stain, Jim is asleep, dreaming dark dreams of vengeance.

Jon Lord 1941 - 2012
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 04 2004 at 08:41
Stopping suddenly  a thought occurs to him "DAMN" he says out loud "what if he has cat litter" a grim smile forms on his face "a worthy adversary if so.....a worthy adversary indeed!" a women nearby looks at him with an exspression he has seen all his life.. he knows it well...."Why cant this man spell  SURVEY ". He strides on, grimly determined to improve his grammer....and shake of the very odd badgers!!!
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 04 2004 at 08:10
Puzzled, Jim turns from the window....

"what an odd badger....., hang on...this cigarette tastes funny, there's something of the, of the, No, No NNNOOOOO..... MOLLUSC!!"

The room swirled around him, strange colours flitted in and out of his periphery vision, the floor came up to meet him - shook hands, & went away again.

Just in time, he remembered the antidote to Canadian Bivalve Poison; groaning, he reached for the one substance which could save his life and sanity....... a voice came to him from faraway.....

"darling, why are you eating the cat litter??"



Edited by Jim Garten

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 04 2004 at 06:38
Brushing himself down he makes for the nearest exit as an odd thought crosses his mind "HEY" he thinks "its survey you dolt" still no matter, the Englishmen must be on his third,perhaps fourth poisoned cigarette the predictable Canadian left for him.as he steps out onto the busy street he wonders at the thought that millions may die in the battle to come,the thought gives him only a vague feeling of unease,a sense that the deaths though regrettable are necessary to his plans..he walks striding with confidence, pausing only occassionally to shake off the odd badger.

Edited by dude
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 04 2004 at 06:19
On his 3rd Earl Grey, and 4th cigarette, Jim ponders on the great mysteries of life, such as - why can Australians not spell 'survey', 'dominance', or 'disappears'.

At the sound of a distant clatter, a smile plays across his lips - he knew it was worth greasing all nearby staircases. Grinding out his cigarette, he lifts the phone and dials a familiar number - "we have an intruder - release the badgers"

Across town, the local pizza delivery service replaces the receiver......

"badgers?"

Jon Lord 1941 - 2012
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 04 2004 at 05:53
On a nearby rooftop a figure squats in the morning sun, long shadow drawing behind him. he smiles, an evil grimace really, as he survays the town below,waking with dawns bright promise. "Soon" he mutters "Soon the battle will begin,and two great adversaries will be locked in the age old struggle for dominence and supremacy,but there can be only one,my plan has worked to a tee and only i will be left,the Canadian and the Englishmen will be no more.Laughing he turns toward a nearby doorway, cape swirling in the sighing breeze and dissappears into the shadows...and  trips down the stairs!  "Damn" he spits in anger,"i should get that cape shortened"

Edited by dude
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 04 2004 at 03:44
Hertfordshire, England..... As the sun crawls above the horizon, barely able to pierce the looming smog, our hero emerges from a deep sleep, and regards the day ahead with trepidation........

"Bugger, the cat's done it in my slippers again!!"

Knowing the Rideout 2001 is coming, armed to the teeth with that most fearsome of weapons, a Canadian accent, and fully fuelled with a mollusc flavoured libation, Jim Garten prepares grimly for the final confrontation......

"Tea, dear??"

Pausing only to step over the hungover remains of the DUDE MARK IV, and to reflect on why it began to malfunction after only half a pint of weak British beer, JG descends the stairs, pauses in reflection for a moment, considers the beauty and sanctity of life.... then kicks the cat.

He sits in his favorite armchair, listening to 'Hatfield & The North's "Rotters Club", drinking his first cup of Earl Grey tea, and has the first of many cigarettes.

It could be a long wait.....

Jon Lord 1941 - 2012
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 04 2004 at 03:15
Originally posted by Peter Rideout Peter Rideout wrote:

Originally posted by Joren Joren wrote:

I've heard of Bloody Mary, but I've never tasted it... It is said that it takes away your hangover

Joren, the best (and only) cure I know of for a hangover is to never stop drinking! Wink

The problem is, at some point you won't be able to drink any more

In Holland, there is a pub where they serve a special anti-hangover breakfast. It contains 2 eggs and bacon, a glass of beer and two asperines

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 04 2004 at 00:59

 Storm: I been known to take the odd shot of bourbon as a warm-up for an evening's ale, but associate many dim, but nevertheless BAD, memories with the prolonged consumption if liquor. Ow!WackoDead (As opposed to booze, beer lets me maintain a semblance of control.)

When I really want to hurt my head the next morning, I turn to a large bottle of strong Belgian bottle-conditioned beer (6 -10%!) Chimay is a particularly favoured "weapon."  WinkLOL



Edited by Peter Rideout
"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
He chortled in his joy.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 04 2004 at 00:47
Originally posted by Joren Joren wrote:

I've heard of Bloody Mary, but I've never tasted it... It is said that it takes away your hangover

Joren, the best (and only) cure I know of for a hangover is to never stop drinking! Wink

"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
He chortled in his joy.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 04 2004 at 00:45

You gentlemen are obviously suffering from a lack of consumption of 12 year old single malt Kentucky corn liquor.

Don't report back until you've given yourselves appropriate medicinal dosages.

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: March 03 2004 at 19:57
JIM: DONT ENCOURAGE HIM!!!I WILL NOW HAVE TO SEND OUT MY DUDE MARK IV AUSTRALIAN BUILT ROBOT HUNTER KILLER I HAVE SET IT FOR "CANADIAN IMPOSTER NEWFOUNDLAND(did they lose the old foundland?) the only problem is being Australian built ITS DRINKING ALL THE BEER AND I CANT STOP IT !!!!!!!!!HEEEEEEEEEELP
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