The Intelligent People's Thread

i have a religious tangent:

according to the bible, God is forever omnipresent. This would mean that if I were to hold a bagal (any other food that you find amusing) in the air, then apparently God is ETERNALLY TRAPPED INSIDE A BAGAL. this also means that if i were to eat the bagal, then i would be eating God, however, if God is existent in every part of my body, then technically he is eating himself. Christians also state that self harm is an abomination, as it would be harming a creation of God. God created himself, as there was nothing before him, so therefore (bear with me) if he EATS himself, then he is self harming, hence breaking his own rules. Now to me that sounds like the writers of the bible didn't really think it through

Maybe because it's essential to my theory about division by zero?

If they will always be bigger, doesn't it mean that they're bigger every moment, and doesn't that mean that they're bigger?

I should probably post this on some mathematician forum, but instead I post it here. I just figured out a definition for division by zero:

1. Any number divided by zero equals infinity, except zero divided by zero, which equals zero.

2. The bigger the number divided by zero, the bigger the infinity it equals.

The reason why I came up with this definition is as follows:

1 / 1 = 1
1 / (1/2) = 2
1 / (1/4) = 4
1 / (a very small number) = (a very big number)
1 / 0 = infinity

2 / 1 = 1
2 / (1/2) = 4
2 / (1/4) = 8
2 / (a very small number) = (a very big number, even bigger than the bery big number above)
2 / 0 = infinity, but a bigger one than the one above

0 / 0 = 0, because 0 divided by anything is zero, and also because the smaller the number divided by zero the smaller the infinity. So, practically, zero by zero also equals infinity, but an infinity so small that it's actually zero.

(Anyone who doubts whether there are different sizes of infinities should compare the amount of whole numbers to the amount of even numbers. Both are infinite, but the amount of whole numbers is twice as big.)

There you go, not let's go divide things by zero! 

You asked for it!

Taking Over the World by Controlling Male Orgasms in One Easy Lesson
by Vompatti



The ongoing rise of feminism has brought up a question that is now on everyone's lips: the female orgasm. What is it, how does it feel, and how do I get one? While these are all interesting questions worth pursuing, I'm going to focus on a subject that has been overshadowed by them, that is, the male orgasm.

The male orgasm offers infinite possibilities, many of them not even mentioned in contemporary scientific studies. It's a well-known fact that most males are - at least to some extent - dependant on fulfilling their sexual desires, of which achieving an orgasm is a crucial part. As Sir Francis Bacon wrote, "Orgasm is power. He who controls the orgasm, controls the world."

So how does one exactly control orgasms? (Note that my presentation will concern only the male orgasm. The means of controlling female orgasms differ so vastly from the means of controlling male orgasms that I've made a decision not to discuss both subjects in one essay.) Basically there are two approaches: either you take over the whole world at once or start by taking over a small region. If you're planning on executing the first alternative, you'll need a way to reach every man in the world simultaneously. Obviously this requires rather large investments. For a beginning world dominator I wholeheartedly recommend starting small. That is, a small group of men, not necessarily small orgasms.

You can even start with one man. Go to him and say: "Hello, I'm willing to give you an orgasm, if you agree to certain conditions. How about it?" The "certain conditions" mentioned here refer to supporting you in achieving the position of a world leader. If you're attractive, this should work out fine. It doesn't matter if you're female or male if you're attractive enough. If you're not attractive, you should use a telephone. Pick out a random number from a phone book, make sure it's the number of a male, dial the number and make offer. In fact, you'll never even have to meet the man. You can have several phone contacts that supports your plans financially or otherwise. If their interestest starts to wane you can always remind them of the orgasm you promised.

The best thing in this plan is that you don't have to do all the work yourself. You can give all the men under your command orders to offer orgasms to other men and thus increase the number of your supporters. Sometimes women are better at luring men, but in order to get women to work for you you'd have to learn the ways to control the female orgasm, which is a tricky task. You can try it, if you like, but don't be disappointed if it doesn't work. It has never worked for me.

It's worth reminding that the plan is based on the idea that you start by controlling orgasms on a small area, and then gradually conquer the areas around it until you've conquered the whole world. This is why you should always start on an area surrounded by men. Don't start anywhere in Antarctica, for example. Polar bears have orgasms too, but to control them you need extensive knowledge in zoology.

As you can see, controlling male orgasms is much easier than it sounds. You don't even have to snap your fingers. Learn to control orgasms today, take over the world in a manner of weeks!

Amen. 

Takest thou thy holy hand grenade, and, counting to three

(...)

lobest it towards thy foe. Amen.

Shakespeare wrote: 7) I can't tell the difference between 7 and 5

Three sir.

I was honestly about to come in here and say

"Penis"

but look who stole my thunder.

I will have to think of something else witty and intelligent and original.

Like....

Boobies.

Skeet-deet-beedle-boun,

Skeet-skeet-deet-skeet-skeet

Skeet-deet-beedle-be-beet-bow-boun,

Skeet-deet-diddily-skeet-skeet..................................................................................................................................................... yeeeeaaahhh!