Meanest Reviewer

TRIUMPH — Thunder Seven

Review by ClemofNazareth (Bob Moore)
SPECIAL COLLABORATOR Prog Folk Researcher

I was stuck at a stoplight today and had the car window down trying to enjoy a gorgeous afternoon. The guy in the car next to me also had his window down, and was lip-synching away to his CD player, out of which was blaring “Spellbound”. Took me back all the way to my college days when this album came out and I had to listen to several of these songs on the only half-decent radio station in our town at the time. I realized that I hadn’t played it in over twenty years, and considering the totally crappy day I had today and fighting the desire to throw myself in front of a train, I decided to throw on my very old copy of Thunder Seven instead. After that I find myself thinking that there are still a couple of trains that run yet tonight.

“Spellbound” always struck me as rock-in-a-can, even back in the 80s. Rik Emmett has by far the most annoying metal voice I’ve ever heard, and he seems to have no real ability to stay in tune for more than a couple of notes in a row. Also, I get the impression these guys are mouthing the timing of the tempo to each other in studio when they record, or at least that’s the way this plodding song sounds.

“Rock Out, Roll On” – well, ‘nuff said.

On “Follow Your Heart” Emmett's voice is actually sort of okay for the most part, probably because he shares the vocals with drummer Gil Moore who makes Emmett sound good. The sentiment of the lyrics is pretty typical Triumph stuff – chip on the shoulder, go kick ass in the world and don’t let 'the man' deny you your dreams. Yeah team – go, fight, win! The random high-hat cymbals just seem gratuitous, and the bass has no synchronization with the rest of the song at all.

I guess “Time Goes By” is supposed to be the sort-of ballad, with strangled-cat harmonized vocals and occasional mellow passages, but the overall theme seems to be ‘I’m getting old and I need a chick’ or something to that effect. Nice little guitar solo in the middle though – props to Emmett for that.

“Midsummer’s Daydream” is a brief respite from the onslaught, where Emmett treats us to a short acoustic instrumental that I felt like copying a dozen times or so and using to overwrite the rest of the cassette. “Time Canon” is some sort of barbershop quartet lame knockoff of Spock’s Beard’s “June” I guess, but it’s so out of place and abrupt it actually creeped me out the first couple times I heard it.

“Stranger in a Strange Land” starts off as a pretty decent blues rocker, but for some inexplicable reason someone turns on Emmett’s mike and it pretty much goes downhill from there. There’s a part in the middle of this where he tries to hold a sustained screech of a vocal and my cats actually drag themselves off the floor and leave the room. Both of them!

“Little Boy Blues” is a pretty decent soft bluesy instrumental to close the album. Like “Midsummer’s Daydream”, if the boys would have just extended this to the length of the whole album then the thing would have been a much better offering, perhaps even listenable.

As it is, I know that many fans of this band believe this to be their best studio work. I agree. One star.

My reviews for LOSS OF A CHILD are extremely mean.

They're a young, new, band, I should have cut them some slack. I couldn't help it.

I really enjoy Cert's reviews, many are a true labour of love/hate.
However his review of Lightbulb Sun is the only one I believe to be a hatchet job. I understand how he came to review the album, I just wish he'd pressed delete before posting it. One blip on a distinguished list of review tour-de-forces isnt too bad though.

I've been told I write some harsh reviews...but I really don't see 'em. Just blatantly honest.

Read the reviews for Love Beach, there is some funny stuff in there, especially the one about jamming lit ciggerettes in your eyes.
Since I already offended lots of people over isuues as diverse as Styxx, Hendrix and music theory I am trying to be a nice guy these days .
But the kid gloves will have to come off when I review that ELO album that dares to call itself a "symphony"
As far as being hard on bands I like, I really need to do a negative 5 star review on Who Do We Think We Are.