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Dean View Drop Down
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Points: 37575 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: April 12 2013 at 10:28
We're on a four-and-a-half billion year old spaceship flying through the Universe at over one million kilometres per hour eight light-minutes away from a two octillion tonne nuclear power plant burning at fifteen million degrees kelvin. While the view from the observation deck of our immediate neighbourhood is spectacular
...disembarkation is not advised.
 


Edited by Dean - April 12 2013 at 10:40
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The Doctor View Drop Down
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Points: 8543 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: April 12 2013 at 10:14
Sometimes?  I think you've underestimated my loathing for my species.  Wink
I can understand your anger at me, but what did the horse I rode in on ever do to you?
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Points: 14693 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: April 12 2013 at 09:57
Originally posted by The Doctor The Doctor wrote:

I just in general hate the human race and wish I had been born into a better class of species.  Maybe one on some other planet.  Censored the universe or god for sticking me in this place (Earth, not PA) with this savage child race.  That felt good.  Rant over. 


Good rant sir!

Don't you just resent having to share oxygen with the rest of the human race, sometimes?

Jon Lord 1941 - 2012
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Points: 10970 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: April 12 2013 at 09:14
^ I'm following you. (Well, why wouldn't I?)

Edited by Dayvenkirq - April 12 2013 at 09:14
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Points: 8543 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: April 12 2013 at 09:13
I just in general hate the human race and wish I had been born into a better class of species.  Maybe one on some other planet.  Censored the universe or god for sticking me in this place (Earth, not PA) with this savage child race.  That felt good.  Rant over. 
I can understand your anger at me, but what did the horse I rode in on ever do to you?
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Points: 10970 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: April 12 2013 at 09:02
'Twas a time of 630am when ... a fCensoreding compactor noise woke us up! Fading in and out, in and out. I got the feeling that my mother was slightly less irritated by this then me, so I got my ass up and decided to see what the Censored was going on. Turns out, it was a helicopter!

So, this helicopter was moving some containers from one place to another. Here's a picture of the helicopter, o'er the local mall, moving back!


What a stupid scoop o'f$%ks on planet Earth! They couldn't do this in the afternoon, could they?! "This is a mockery," said my mother.

EDIT: 7:14am. The chopper quit bothering us.


Edited by Dayvenkirq - April 12 2013 at 09:15
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Points: 32995 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: April 10 2013 at 13:48
^Yes

I don't actually moan that much..unless I  do of course and am unaware. Can't think of much to moan about now.
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Dean View Drop Down
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Points: 37575 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: April 10 2013 at 13:31
what's the bloody point of ennui?
 
I wanted to resurrect this long forgotten thread to have a rant for no other reason than the cathartic release that a well timed and perfectly pitched rant can attain, then, (after much musing and furrowing of brow), came to the reluctant conclusion that I couldn't raise the energy to find something worthwhile to rant about. Everyone just seems so intense and so fraught at the moment that I can't find the motivation to join in and have a damn good moan about things that are so evidently important that we waste hours on end fretting and whining about yet are so impotently incapable of doing anything practical or constructive in fixing. We seem to have reached that point of social and economic evolution where we've become ineffectual at everything except complaining about things that we have absolutely no influence on.
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Points: 32995 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 25 2012 at 11:39
^Don't parp on your horn in future.LOL
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Points: 14693 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 25 2012 at 11:29
Sauntering

I am getting hugely fed up with the wobbling classes, the elderly and chavvy youths sauntering across the road, right in front of me, studiously not looking to see if any traffic is approaching, as if it's cool to do so (this last generally does not refer to the elderly - they just do it because they're old... the most you get from them is the fake run ie legs moving faster, body moving slower) & if you do express impatience, by means of a quick parp on the horn (oo-eeer missis) you get a look, supposedly designed to freeze you in your tracks (which usually makes them look even more dim than they patently are) plus a torrent of abuse which would make John Prescott blush.

Thank you - rant over

Jon Lord 1941 - 2012
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Points: 1184 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 04 2012 at 23:05
By the Gods, I am miserably sick right now and want to rant about it, but I don't feel well enough and can't type accurately. f**k the flu, man. If I were Hugo Chavez, I'd claim it was a government conspiracy to keep the man down. sh*t's ridiculous. It's 20-f**king-12 and I can barely muster the strength to walk because of a virus that has been around for at least TWENTY-FIVE-HUNDRED GODDAMN YEARS. I'd say we're stuck in the stone age, but it would lack for f**king hyperbole.
Hail Eris!
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Jim Garten View Drop Down
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Points: 14693 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 13 2011 at 07:59


I did exactly the same in Devon a couple of weeks ago, this time to a 6'6" lardy lump of a bloke, wearing a bright red jacket


Jon Lord 1941 - 2012
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Dean View Drop Down
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Points: 37575 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 13 2011 at 07:36
I once said ... "your bum would look big in an aircraft hanger" ... just the once mind, and never again.
 
 
then I have that knack of speaking first and thinking later - rushing out of Sainsbury's one evening I accidentally barged into a 6'6" squaddie who was built like a brick outhouse in full camo-gear ... "sorry mate, didn't see you" quipped I...


Edited by Dean - October 13 2011 at 07:37
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Jim Garten View Drop Down
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Points: 14693 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 13 2011 at 07:14
   

Originally posted by Dean Dean wrote:

All this because someone's bum looked big in a mirror. Ouch


Probably the same kind of person who'd ask the question "does this (enter item of male or female clothing here) make my bum look big?"

No.

The huge amount of fatty & sugary foods you continually shove into your "I-only-have-the-appetite-of-a-bird" pie-hole prior to eating a lettuce leaf & a tomato, and all this followed by the largest packet of crisps in Christendom "ooh-I'm-so-naughty-titter-titter" combined with your exercise regime consisting of sprinting past the greengrocers to get to the bakers... THAT is what makes your bum look big

Jon Lord 1941 - 2012
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Dean View Drop Down
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Points: 37575 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: October 13 2011 at 06:34
Homoeopathic Milk - what's the point?
 
Considering I dilute the milk in my hot beverage by at least 30:1 a 4% (full) fat milk ends up as 0.13% fat in my beverage, which is something like 0.06gms of fat.
 
If that 0.06gms of fat was made into butter would just about cover the head of a pin (probably), I would have to drink 4200 cups of coffee or tea to consume the equivalent of 250gms (8.8oz) pack of butter. Just writing this post burned off the fat content of at least 16 cups of milked tea.
 
Regardless of this, our work's canteen fridge does not contain any full-fat milk because it is deemed "unhealthy", instead we have half-fat or semi-skimmed milk (2%) and low-fat or skimmed milk (<0.5%) ...
 
Okay, so I can add twice as much semi-skimmed into my cup and achieve the same "taste" and just as importantly... "colour"... but that last bit is important and that's the bit that makes me as narked as fCensoredk in a p*ssed-off kind of way - everyone in the office (including the lo-fat/health-kick/doesmybumlookbiginthis 'diet' nuts who stock the fridge) adds the milk to their tea or coffee until it reaches the desired colour, not desired fat-content, and since it is the emulsified fats that gives milk its opaque colour, they also add twice as much half-fat milk as they would if they had bought full-fat milk in the first place.
 
This is all well and good for the milk suppliers, since they sell twice as much milk at the same price per pint, and as our office gets through two litres of milk per day, five days a week, 52 weeks a year, that's an extra 260ltrs a year.
 
So what?... well - today we ran out of bloody half fat milk and now all we've got is a fridge full of bloody bugger-all fat milk!!! Which, no matter how much of the damn gnat's dribble you tip into your cup, never gets the right colour or taste because it isn't ruddy milk at all: it's 1 molecule of fat suspended in 1000litres of water; it's milk made by serial dilution of water that a cow once looked at for twenty seconds; it's homoeopathic milk that should be sold in 100ml bottles for silly prices to wanabe hippy numpties who think it's a cure for bubonic plague!!!!! (or bucolic plague if you prefer). Angry
 
 
 
All this because someone's bum looked big in a mirror. Ouch
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chopper View Drop Down
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Points: 20031 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 13 2011 at 06:42
Originally posted by Jim Garten Jim Garten wrote:

Originally posted by chopper chopper wrote:

We registered with the TPS a few years ago (http://www.mpsonline.org.uk/tps/) and it does stop the majority of cold calls (unless you're a customer that is, so it doesn't stop Virgin phoning us all the time). It doesn't stop all calls but then you can threaten them with legal action because you're registered with the TPS (if they've heard of it, that is).It also doesn't stop the people who ring up to tell me I have a virus on my PC but then I pretend that I don't know anything about computers and keep them on the phone for ages.


I could be wrong (it has been known), but I believe the TPS schemes are only (supposedly) legally binding if the call originates from a UK number - with the number of companies now using overseas call centres, they are unaffected by TPS etc.

One little story about overseas call centres... Vicky called one of the directory enquiries numbers to get the phone nujmber of a post office in Swindon (major sized UK town); after a lot of hum-ing & umm-ing, the person asked if Vicky was sure if (a) there was a town called Swindon & (b) if there was a post office there.
 
Not sure about overseas call centres, but it certainly cuts out about 90% of cold calls.
 
I know someone who phoned his insurance company to report a problem with his chimney. The call centre was in India and they asked him what a chimney was. LOL
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Points: 14693 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 13 2011 at 02:50
Originally posted by chopper chopper wrote:

We registered with the TPS a few years ago (http://www.mpsonline.org.uk/tps/) and it does stop the majority of cold calls (unless you're a customer that is, so it doesn't stop Virgin phoning us all the time). It doesn't stop all calls but then you can threaten them with legal action because you're registered with the TPS (if they've heard of it, that is).It also doesn't stop the people who ring up to tell me I have a virus on my PC but then I pretend that I don't know anything about computers and keep them on the phone for ages.


I could be wrong (it has been known), but I believe the TPS schemes are only (supposedly) legally binding if the call originates from a UK number - with the number of companies now using overseas call centres, they are unaffected by TPS etc.

One little story about overseas call centres... Vicky called one of the directory enquiries numbers to get the phone nujmber of a post office in Swindon (major sized UK town); after a lot of hum-ing & umm-ing, the person asked if Vicky was sure if (a) there was a town called Swindon & (b) if there was a post office there.

Jon Lord 1941 - 2012
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Chris S View Drop Down
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Points: 7028 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 12 2011 at 03:25
Originally posted by Dean Dean wrote:

The British Gas call that started all this was also amusing in its own right: "As a loyal British Gas customer you are entitled to a fantastic money saving offer..." "Okay, tell me more...." "By switching your Electricity supply to us we can offer you a saving on your quarterly bill and give you a £35 cash back payment..." "Interesting, if I don't switch will you send me £17.50 cash back and give me a still discount on my Gas bill?.." "No, you need to switch to duel-fuel tariff to take advantage of this offer..." "But I don't want to switch, I'm happy knowing that an expert in the field of electricity supply is supplying me with my electricity and an expert in the field of gas supply is supplying me my gas. Mixing Gas and Electric doesn't sound safe to me..." "The electricity board will still be supplying your electricity and we will still supply your gas, you just pay one bill and that saves you money..." "So if I switch then you discount my bill and give me £35 cash back...." "Yes" "But if I don't switch I don't get any cash back and you charge me a higher rate for my Gas supply..." "....erm, well, no, we continue to charge you our standard tariff..." "So the £35 you give to people who do switch comes from the extra money I pay you to supply my gas..." "...the £35 cash back comes from the savings we make by offering customers duel-fuel tarrifs..." "Oh, so it is cheaper for you to supply gas and electric than it is to supply just gas." "yes, the consolidated bill reduces admin and associated costs" "Sorry, but I don't see how, you don't incur the admin costs of processing my electricity bill at the moment and the admin costs of processing a duel-fuel bill must be higher for you..." "...the costs are also cheaper for you because you are only paying one bill instead of two..." "But I pay both by direct debit, the admin costs for me are negligible..." "Don't you want to save money on your fuel bills?" "No." "Everyone wants to save money and this offer could save you £75 on your annual fuel costs...." "If you want to save me money, just reduce what you charge me for my gas supply... and send me a £17.50 cash back for being a loyal British Gas customer." "You need to switch to duel-fuel tariff to take advantage of this offer..." "Does Southern Electric have a similar duel-fuel offer" "Yes" "Okay, I think I'll go online and see what they offer." *click*
haha...just like selling arms to Libya....a different spin to the aisle of plenty
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Points: 11420 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 12 2011 at 02:49
This one really rips my knitting:

Q: Do you have a spare cigarette at all?
A: Of course, thank god they sell them in packs of 11 and 21
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Points: 13133 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 11 2011 at 22:13
Just think of the savings you as a consumer could have if they eliminated the cold -calling staff.
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to take the place of the mud shark in your mythology...
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