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The Son of Gorp View Drop Down
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Points: 146 		Direct Link To This Post Topic: Good jokes!
    Posted: January 31 2015 at 10:08
Originally posted by Queen By-Tor Queen By-Tor wrote:

^^^ I read it while listening to Soft Machine's Third which fit surprisingly well

thanks for sharing. I had a good laugh with that Thumbs Up

LOL Glad you enjoyed it! Thumbs Up
When Da Zeuhl Wortz Mekanik, you just know.
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Points: 16111 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 30 2015 at 21:12
^^^ I read it while listening to Soft Machine's Third which fit surprisingly well

thanks for sharing. I had a good laugh with that Thumbs Up
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The Son of Gorp View Drop Down
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Points: 146 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 30 2015 at 17:20
The longest joke in the world:

http://longestjokeintheworld.com

It takes about thirty to forty five minutes to read, and has the most glorious punchline.




Edited by The Son of Gorp - January 30 2015 at 17:20
When Da Zeuhl Wortz Mekanik, you just know.
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presdoug View Drop Down
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Points: 8614 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 30 2015 at 11:56
How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?

                     IT DOESN'T MATTER!!!!
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Points: 8614 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 30 2015 at 11:55
A man goes to a doctor, and says, "I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam. I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam."

              The Doctor says , "No, you're two tents."
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Points: 872 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 30 2015 at 09:39
my all time favourite joke:
 
 
A man goes to see a psychiatrist and after several sessions the dr. says to the man: 'Well,
after careful study i can confidently say that you're crazy'.
 
Incensed, the man declared "I want a second opinion!!"
 
To which the Dr. replied "OK. I think you're ugly too"
 
 
 
 
"I know one thing: that I know nothing"

- SpongeBob Socrates
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Points: 5154 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 30 2015 at 08:36
Two cars crash heavily into each other, one was driven by a man and the other by a beautiful woman. Miraculously they are both unhurt from the accident. The woman says:

"We have just escaped death, this must be a sign from God that we must get to know each other and make love like wild beasts"

He says: "Sure, I think so too!"

She then takes bottle of wine from her wrecked car and handling it to the man she says: "and this must be a sign from God that we must enjoy this bottle together to celebrate our fortune"

He readily drinks half of it and gives it back to the woman. She puts the cork back on and leaves the bottle in the car. He asks her:
"Aren't you going to drink?"

She replies: "No, I'm gonna wait for the police to come and test us for alcohol"
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Points: 5154 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: January 30 2015 at 08:27
A woman looks at herself in the mirror and tells to her husband:
"I would like to have bigger breasts"

The husband replies:
"Take a piece of toilette paper and rub it between your breasts"

The woman does so, but incredulous she asks the husband
"Are you sure this will work? For how long do I have to do this?"

He replies:
"Just one minute a day for a few years, if it worked with your bottom I don't see why I shouldn't work with your tits!"
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Points: 13382 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 24 2010 at 07:10
Q: What did the ill razor say before it vomited?
A: I think i'm gonna be schick!!!
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Points: 2523 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 24 2010 at 04:08
FROM '  

The 40-Year-Old Virgin

Cal: [Pointing to a framed poster] I mean, seriously, Asia? You framed an Asia poster? How hard did the people at the frame store laugh when you brought this in?
Andy: They did not laugh at me.
David: Know why you're gay? Because you like Asia.
Andy: You guys, cool it with the gay! You know, she on her way here, okay?
Cal: First, you relax, okay?
Andy: Just stop calming me down and tell me what I should do.
Cal: Okay, we just take everything that's embarrassing and we move it out of here so it doesn't look like you live in Neverland Ranch.
Nothing can last
there are no second chances.
Never give a day away.
Always live for today.


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Points: 2523 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 24 2010 at 03:40
how do you spell pretentious ?

ELP 
Nothing can last
there are no second chances.
Never give a day away.
Always live for today.


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Points: 29630 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: June 23 2010 at 14:56
"China has bought more U.S. debt. They know hold over $900 billion of U.S. debt. A lot of Americans concerned about this because it's so much. Why are you concerned? It is not like we're going to pay them back." –Jay Leno
Released date are often when it it impacted you but recorded dates are when it really happened...
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Points: 3144 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 17 2009 at 15:39
W.T.F.
Trendsetter win!

The search for nonexistent perfection.
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Points: 3834 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 16 2009 at 20:46
Originally posted by progkidjoel progkidjoel wrote:

Originally posted by Blowin Free Blowin Free wrote:

Bree is not LotR


.....

Bree is a town in LotR...



Did somebody say BREEE?
"Market value is irrelevant to intrinsic value."

Arnold Schoenberg
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Points: 65760 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 16 2009 at 20:08
What did the tiger doctor say to the lady walking by?

Hi, isn't it a sunny day?

Why did the frog wife call the doctor?

She heard her husband say "Help I'm having a heart attack"
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Points: 34550 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 16 2009 at 18:04
What was the pirate movie rated?



PG-13
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Leningrad View Drop Down
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Points: 7991 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 16 2009 at 16:10
Originally posted by 1800iareyay 1800iareyay wrote:

Man, the only truly good joke was taken down.

And that's the saddest joke of all :(
 
We'll always have you screencapped for posterity. Goodnight, sweet prince
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Points: 34550 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 16 2009 at 15:36
A duck walks into a convenience store and says, "I'll have a tube of chap stick. Put it on my bill!"

However, the cashier couldn't speak English
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Points: 34550 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 16 2009 at 15:21
Man: Doctor, I've broken my leg
Doctor: Yes, it's a pretty severe break. You will never walk again properly


Knock Knock
Who's there?
The Police....we're here to tell you your husband has been killed in a tragic automobile accident


What do you call a cat with no tail?

A Manx Cat



What do you call two mexicans playing basketball?

Their names.



What's the difference between a jew and a pizza?

A jew is a person of religious faith while a pizza is simply an item of food.



And Englishman, Irishman, and a Scot all walk into a bar.

They had a very nice night.



What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?


Where's my tractor?




What do you call a black man flying a plane?

A pilot
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Points: 3144 		Direct Link To This Post Posted: August 16 2009 at 14:15
HAHAHA I ACTUALLY LOL'D!
Trendsetter win!

The search for nonexistent perfection.
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