To all the musicians on PA, we've all had 'em, audtions or us auditioning people that were just too weird, funny, bizarre or sometimes scary. What are yours?
I'll lead off with:
1) How about an awkward pre-audition? Took place this past week:
Well, I re-posted an ad I was running a while ago for other musicians (keys and drums now, think I found me bassist). Anyway, this keyboardist from Lithuania and currently living in US contacts me, saying I am close to what he's wanting. Right away (after talking on phone with him), I got this really strong vibe of "I MUST BE IN CONTROL AT ALL COSTS".
Not only that, but he starts trying to pump me for information about contacts for a SECOND keyboard player to play his music. Hmmmmmmmm.
We actually exchanged CD's via mail, and he e-mailed me an mp3 of one of his tunes which I burned to CD. Now get this, he claims to be influenced by Mahavishnu Orchestra, ELP and Chick Corea. Well, his two CD's revealed the influence of YAWNni and John Tesh far more than anything, simply put, some of the WORST snooze-inducing New Age/Smooth Jazz cheese-wiz I've ever heard. And even before I got the discs, he would persistently phone me (not a good sign in this case). And even more hilarious, he listened to mine and said I was copying Mahavishnu Orchestra!
Dang, I even asked afew folks who heard my disc about that, everyone said, NO, you don't sound even remotely like MO.
Well, yesterday I wrote him a polite, diplomatic and detailed "Thanks but no thanks" e-mail.
Wonder if he has KGB following me
2) I can think of a number of instances when I lived in LA (1980's) where I wasn't the one auditioning but was auditioning others, and MAN, the hacks were coming out of the woodwork, so many with deusions of grandeur and a rather serious disconect from the actual state of their own ability (or lack therof). One involved travelling to a drummer's place near Pasadena, and he had this bulldog that gave me the willies (bad sign right there). His playing definitely didn't mesh with the rest of the band I was in (we were called Insect Affect), so no big loss (and a good source of jokes afterwards). Had one guy who really tried but his chops just weren't quite there, and another who was really into the electronic stuff but couldn't play very well (nice try though). Finally, we found our man just a half-mile up the street from where I lived at the time (in Venice).
Another band I was in, we auditioned a few keyboard players (in the 80's the era of the one-fingered keyboardist
), this one punk came in playing this wimpy gurly synth-pop stuff (we had more teeth than that) and made all these boneheaded comments like you don't need guitar (meaning yours truly) and other ignorant Hollywood fashion victim nonsense. We almost threw a party after he left. We had another keyboard guy come in who had this weird tendency to play this funeral-dirge/march type stuff in real slow tempos . Finally, we threw out the idea of keyboards altogether after this parade of losers!
Your turn---------------------