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Slartibartfast 
Collaborator
Honorary Collaborator / In Memoriam
Joined: April 29 2006
Location: Atlantais
Status: Offline
Points: 29630
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 Posted: March 19 2008 at 10:22 |
 Vompatti wrote:
Doesn't it hurt? 
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Not until she pulls your testicles off.
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Released date are often when it it impacted you but recorded dates are when it really happened... 
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Vompatti
Forum Senior Member
VIP Member
Joined: October 22 2005
Location: elsewhere
Status: Offline
Points: 67458
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Posted: March 19 2008 at 10:53 |
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daz2112
Forum Senior Member
Joined: January 18 2006
Location: England
Status: Offline
Points: 4483
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Posted: March 31 2008 at 13:46 |
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I went to the doctor's today & said " i feel like Tom Jones" the doctor said " it's not unusual"
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In the constellation of cygnus,There lurks a mysterious force...The black hole
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Petrovsk Mizinski
Prog Reviewer
Joined: December 24 2007
Location: Ukraine
Status: Offline
Points: 25210
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Posted: April 17 2008 at 08:40 |
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Two blondes DIDN'T walk into a bar, because they got lost on the way trying to find it.
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BaldFriede
Prog Reviewer
Joined: June 02 2005
Location: Germany
Status: Offline
Points: 10266
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Posted: April 17 2008 at 08:55 |
A man dies and is rejected by Peter at the Pearly Gates and sent to hell. He is quite surprised when hell turns out to be a bar with lots of bottles on shelves and lots of beautiful semi-nude women. He turns to the devil and says: "This is hell? It's heaven!" "Well", says the devil, "there is a snag. The bottles all have a hole at the bottom. The women don't". 
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 BaldJean and I; I am the one in blue.
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TGM: Orb
Prog Reviewer
Joined: October 21 2007
Location: n/a
Status: Offline
Points: 8052
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Posted: April 17 2008 at 20:38 |
BaldFriede wrote:
A man dies and is rejected by Peter at the Pearly Gates and sent to hell. He is quite surprised when hell turns out to be a bar with lots of bottles on shelves and lots of beautiful semi-nude women. He turns to the devil and says: "This is hell? It's heaven!" "Well", says the devil, "there is a snag. The bottles all have a hole at the bottom. The women don't".
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moreitsythanyou
Forum Senior Member
VIP Member
Joined: April 23 2006
Location: NYC
Status: Offline
Points: 11682
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Posted: April 17 2008 at 20:42 |
The Sixties, yes, the Sixties. Time of hope, time of rebellion, time for
planning new ways to do things, ways that could not be any worse that what was
being done at that time.
In contrast to most of the other movements of the time, one very active
group combined militant vegetarianism (not so uncommon) with militant
prohibitionism (very uncommon). They believed, in fact, that the first would
automatically lead to perfect health. Eat only vegetables, love one another,
and the desire and drive to consume Demon Rum would just pass away.
They believed that:
Peas would rule the planets, and love would clear the bars. It was the dawning
of the age of asparagus.
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 <font color=white>butts, lol[/COLOR]
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The Quiet One
Prog Reviewer
Joined: January 16 2008
Location: Argentina
Status: Offline
Points: 15745
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Posted: April 17 2008 at 20:44 |
BaldFriede wrote:
A man dies and is rejected by Peter at the Pearly Gates and sent to hell. He is quite surprised when hell turns out to be a bar with lots of bottles on shelves and lots of beautiful semi-nude women. He turns to the devil and says: "This is hell? It's heaven!" "Well", says the devil, "there is a snag. The bottles all have a hole at the bottom. The women don't".
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keiser willhelm
Forum Senior Member
Joined: September 14 2007
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 1697
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Posted: April 18 2008 at 03:52 |
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whats green and has wheels?
grass, i lied about the wheels.
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keiser willhelm
Forum Senior Member
Joined: September 14 2007
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 1697
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Posted: April 18 2008 at 04:32 |
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I would like to relay one of the more funny bad-jokes ive heard.
Jesus is on the Cross and calls out to Peter. Peter answers "Yes Master?"
Jesus calls him again and asks him to climb the ladder to the Cross.
Peter climbs and says again, "Yes Master?"
Jesus lean in and whispers in his ear
"I can see your house from
here".
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Dean
Special Collaborator
Retired Admin and Amateur Layabout
Joined: May 13 2007
Location: Europe
Status: Offline
Points: 37575
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Posted: April 30 2008 at 04:17 |
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Two RIO progheads meet and the first is admiring the other's smart new bike. "Amazing thing happened dude," says his friend, "I was walking through the park when this attractive girl rides up on it. She stopped beside me, threw it to the ground and tore off all her clothes. Then she says 'Take what you want'." His friend nods approvingly, "Good choice man, the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted."
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What?
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crimhead
Forum Senior Member
VIP Member
Joined: October 10 2006
Location: Missouri
Status: Offline
Points: 19236
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Posted: April 30 2008 at 12:58 |
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Q:What did one deadhead say to the other when they ran out of pot?
A:Man this music sucks.
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Vompatti
Forum Senior Member
VIP Member
Joined: October 22 2005
Location: elsewhere
Status: Offline
Points: 67458
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Posted: June 12 2008 at 09:15 |
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Overheard in 18th century England: "Did you hear that George Berkeley died? His girlfriend stopped seeing him."
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markosherrera
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 01 2006
Location: World
Status: Offline
Points: 3252
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Posted: June 19 2008 at 22:40 |
Bad joke is a joke that kill little jokes 
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Hi progmaniacs of all the world
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markosherrera
Forum Senior Member
Joined: October 01 2006
Location: World
Status: Offline
Points: 3252
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Posted: July 12 2008 at 09:57 |
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One day I saw a friend shaking his body....I asked ..What happen?...He said ...My medicine said..Shake well before drink.....
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Hi progmaniacs of all the world
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Vompatti
Forum Senior Member
VIP Member
Joined: October 22 2005
Location: elsewhere
Status: Offline
Points: 67458
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Posted: September 21 2008 at 17:43 |
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A policeman who was a policeman at the Gotham City Police called Batman and said: "I need your help, I don't know how to deal with the Joker." Batman said: "It's simple, just put it with the other cards, shuffle the deck and then deal like you've always have." (Batman said this because sometimes he played No-Limit-Texas-Hold-'Em with the policeman.)
Edited by Vompatti - September 21 2008 at 17:44
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Vompatti
Forum Senior Member
VIP Member
Joined: October 22 2005
Location: elsewhere
Status: Offline
Points: 67458
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Posted: September 24 2008 at 16:32 |
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- We had the Joker in our hands! Somehow he slipped through our fingers.
- He must have fallen on the floor. Ask the dealer and she will pick him up.
Edited by Vompatti - September 24 2008 at 16:33
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crimhead
Forum Senior Member
VIP Member
Joined: October 10 2006
Location: Missouri
Status: Offline
Points: 19236
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Posted: September 26 2008 at 21:22 |
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Q: What does Kurt Cobain HAVE in common with a beer?
A: They both get shotgunned!
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Vompatti
Forum Senior Member
VIP Member
Joined: October 22 2005
Location: elsewhere
Status: Offline
Points: 67458
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Posted: October 22 2008 at 18:44 |
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Two cannibals find a dead person on the shore and are going to carry it to their village. Cannibal A says: 'Gimme a hand.' Cannibal B says: 'A man walks into a bar. Ouch.'
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crimhead
Forum Senior Member
VIP Member
Joined: October 10 2006
Location: Missouri
Status: Offline
Points: 19236
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Posted: October 23 2008 at 14:30 |
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Q: How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change the light bulb and the second to get an insurance company to approve changing the light bulb.
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