You might be a prog hole if....

Message Topic Search Topic Options Post Reply Create New Topic Printable Version Translate Topic

   This has been around for a while, but think it's funny...sorry if it has been posted before...

You Might Be a Proghole if... 

1. the word "mellotron" causes a strange tingling in your private 
parts. 
2. you refer to Yes' lead singer as "the holy prophet Jon Anderson." 
3. you blame Phil Collins for "driving Peter Gabriel out of Genesis." 
4. you love the albums "Invisible Touch," "90125," and "Love Beach", 
but are ashamed to admit it. 
5. you actually liked SH's "Not Everybody's Gold." 
6. you know what a firth is. 
7. you believe the talent of a drummer is commensurate with the size 
of his drum set. 
8. you consider lyrics to be wasted time between solos. 
9. you go to a King Crimson concert and take notes. 
10. you look down on any keyboardist who is "not willing" to haul 
around a real Hammond B3. 
11. you prefer Bruford to White, noting with knowing condescension 
that "groove and feel are way overrated." 
12. you actually like Steve Howe's electric guitar tone. 
13. your menage a trois fantasy involves you, Emerson, and Wakeman
14. you find nothing comical about Robert Fripp, and are willing to 
kick anybody's ass that does. 
15. the prefix labels of "Cantebury", "melodic", "symphonic", 
and "neo" before the word "prog" all simply mean "sucky". 
16. you've named all the fish in your aquarium the names of past and 
present Yes members. 
17. the words to "Close to the Edge" have profound meaning in your 
life. 
18. you've done time or community service for striking someone who 
said, "I love Yes. Owner of a Lonely Heart rocked!" 
19. you regularly set aside "me time" to listen to Tales from 
Topographic Oceans in its entirety. 
20. you still love Kansas, despite their miscues with Carry on 
Wayward Son, Point of Know Return and Dust in the Wind. 
21. you've ever constructed and worn a Jethro Tull "Aqualung" stage 
jumpsuit. 
22. you've spent years in therapy in an effort to forget that John 
Wetton has ever been involved with anything outside of King Crimson. 
23. you're one-word code for "time to leave" at a Yes concert is 
"Roundabout."
24. all of your favorite bands are named after characters or places 
from "The Lord of the Rings." 
25. you believe a bassist isn't even worth a derisive chortle if he 
doesn't own a Rickenbacker. 
26. you actually know what a Warr guitar is. 
27. you find yourself labeling most current progas "derivative", 
yet you secretly pine for Yes to record "Close to the Edge II". 
28. you believe that radio play signals a band's demise. 
29. you think "Beatlemania" is for pathetic hangers-on, yet you've 
seen "The Musical Box" six times. 
30. you spend more time and energy on turning your woman onto prog 
than on turning your woman on. 
31. you've danced to "Tom Sawyer." 
32. you're unwilling to admit that Zeppelin was a prog band. 
33. upon finding that one of your friends has discovered a Styx 
album in your collection, you find yourself quickly spouting "youthful 
indiscretion." 
34. upon leaving an ELP concert, you find yourself repeatedly 
mumbling "sellouts!" because the band only played the "1st Impression" 
of "Karn Evil 9." 
35. you think Yes' "Union" album should have been title "Onion" 
instead--it stank!* 
36. you're male, college educated, you're a groupie, yet you're 
asexual. 
37. you've ever called a radio station and cursed them out for 
playing the short version of "Thick as a Brick." 
38. you know who Annie Haslam is. 
39. you know the lyrics to any Gentle Giant song. 
40. you insist on your own Persian rug when you play onstage. 
41. you know what Taurus Pedals are. 
42. you hear a car crash and say "That's derivative of {insert 
band's name here.}" 
43. your music collection is broken down by the note's the artists 
have played. 
44. you will spend oodles of money and time to see a band but only 
get their CD's by swapping. 
45. you actually know that "House of the King" was done by Focus and 
not Jethro Tull. 
46. you know the difference between Jurgen Fritz and Keith Emerson. 
47. you principally condemn house/dance music (because any sound 
generated by a computer can never be music) but secretly compare the 
soundstyles on [insert any hit] to [insert any keyboard player]'s 
playing on [insert any record here]. 
48. in addition, you secretly wish they had contracted Steven 
Rothery to "spice it up some more". 
49. you consider ANY music style to be derivative of prog, since it 
is "the only true form of music". 
50. you have ever betted on the runtime of "A Change of Seasons" 
and/or "Grendel". 
51. you actually agree with Fish and/or Marillion on their reasons 
NOT to play Grendel anymore 
52. you have tried every prog album in you and your friends' 
collection as a soundtrack to reading "The Return of the King" and 
finally decided that, since they all suffice, Tolkien must have been 
a proghole as well. 
53. your favorite band's "world tour" consists of 3 shows on the east 
coast--a bookstore "unplugged" show, a pre-festival, Friday night 
warm-up gig with six other acts, and a free show at your uncle's 
tuxedo rental shop. 
54. you believe that prog's heyday will single-handedly be 
resurrected by the Chapman stick. 
55. you love King Crimson...but wish that Lake, Wetton, and Belew 
would just keep their freakin' mouths shout. 
56. you believe that playing keyboards without a cape is a crass and 
disrespectful mockery of the craft and prog genre in general. 
57. you can sit in a room with other 'progholes' and intelligently 
carry on a conversation when it comes to the bands Renaissance and 
Illusion...but, all the while wishing they would all leave so you 
could listen to The Strawbs' Hero and Heroine' on vinyl

Post Reply	Page 12 >