THE MOTHERS OF INVENTION: WE'RE ONLY IN IT FOR THE MONEY

But Frank Zappa wasn't always progressive. Throughout his lengthy and colourful career, he was practically his own genre! With albums ranging from jazz to hard rock, straightforward classical to standup comedy, avant-garde to psychedelic pop, it was very hard to actually classify Zappa under one genre!

Rumour has it that this album is one of the greatest ever recorded. That rumour seems to be correct. I bought a CD of this album in early March 2003, as my Zappa collection was starting to grow like a daffodil. Fortunately, this CD was the 1995 edition with somewhat lacking sound quality (because it was copied from an LP master) but without the awful new wave rhythm section that destroyed Cruising with Ruben & the Jets.

Although there are more than soft influences of The Beatles' Sgt. Pepper, the copy seems to be better than the original! (But I love both of them and I'm a Beatles fan so no need to worry.) The front cover looks less promising since the background is dark purple, and the people gracing the collage look stoned! Zappa for one is dressed like a schoolgirl, ponytails and all!

Now for the music on the album:

Some sonic sounds (possibly from a switchboard) are in the background as Eric Clapton asks some unknown female if she's hung up (whatever that means). Gary Kellgren (the chief engineer on the album) whispers terrifyingly that he is going to erase every tape recording in the world. Shortly afterwards, Jimmy Carl Black proudly introduces himself as the Indian of the group (according to amIannoying.com, he still calls himself an "Indian" - the PC term is Native American!).

Feeling so stoned and depressed, Frank asks himself, "Who Neds The Peace Corps?" He plans to go to San Francisco, wear a hippy wig, drink beer, smoke marijuana and just let loose! The music is quite catchy with some restrained guitar and tenor sax stylings.

"Concentration Moon" is a two-minute ditty about wanting to hang out with the hippies and what will result later on in the park with the police. Gary returns to inform the listeners that the next day, he will work again with Frank.

"Mom & Dad" is a beautiful song that relates to the Kent State University incident, in which protestors (hippies) were trying to stop the Vietnam War and got shot dead by the police.

Next, Frank tries to hook up the ubiquitous Suzy Creamcheese with her sister on the phone. The conversation makes no sense, so it's basically just filler.

The silly 33-second "Bow Tie Daddy" (which was originaly a tie-in to the telephone conversation) is a promise to all the working fathers across the nation that "everything's under control" and just to have fun. Not surprisingly, it was never performed live.

Beginning with some piano, Zappa sings in a high-pitched voice that the attitude of "American womanhood" "stinks" and that their lives are "completely empty." Later on, Harry and Madge start fighting and Madge bursts into tears.

Now, "What's The Ugliest Part Of Your Body?" Not your nose. Not your toes. But your mind! After this warning, Zappa informs all the kids who are listening that they are not safe around their parents.

With a lovely piano intro and Suzy Creamcheese saying she won't do "publicity balling" anymore, the best track (which is titled "Absolutely Free" - strange since that was the title of the last Mothers of Invention LP) ensues. "The first word in this song is discorporate. It means to leave your body." But he can't mean that literally cause it is impossible. What Zappa means is to get high, be free and "enter the world of a strange purple Jello." Certainly would be better in dreams but smoking marijuana kills brain cells!

Don't look for Joe Strummer! The punk in "Flower Punk" is a young, inexperienced guy who has no sense of direction at all. A rip-off of "Hey Joe", this is a call-and-answer song in which a punk says he's going "down to Frisco to join a psychedelic band," "to the love-in to sit and play his bongos in the dirt," "to the dance to get some action," and, finally, "to the shrink." After that final remark, turmoil ensues and everybody begins to freak out! Two guys start speaking in separate channels. One talks about how he came to be a hippie; another guy is very excited to be in the music business and can't decide if he wants to buy a Mustang, a Corvette, a Harley Davidson or a yacht.

Gary Kellgren finishes side 1 by whispering about Zappa sitting and working the controls because "it is the way he can create." Then a cloud of backwards and sped-up noise emerges from the speakers and the listener gets knocked out by a deep snork!

A tribute to Edgard Varese, "Nasal Retentive Calliope Music" are a collection of weird sounds, with clips of Eric Clapton exclaiming, "God!" and some surf music. This track foreshadows the next song.

"Let's Make The Water Turn Black" is a catchy, two-minute song about Ronnie and Kenny Williams, who, when they were kids, would inflame their farts with matches, collect urine samples and make creatures come to life, and cover their bedroom windows with boogers until it became "dyssentery green." Later versions of this song are instrumental.

"The Idiot Bastard Son" is an abandoned child raised by Ronnie and Kenny. The song explains how the child will grow into a world of chaos. In the middle of the song, Motorhead says he "never really wanted to..." and people begin freaking out with him. The refrains of the song are kind of spooky, especially when Frank sings "Try and imagine the window all covered in green!" Later versions of this song are instrumental, too. The track closes with Gary Kellgren breathing into the mic and talking about his lack of royalties from two hit records he's had on the chart.

The concept of no love between parents & children continues on this track called "Lonely Little Girl." The final part of "What's The Ugliest Part Of Your Body?" is repeated in another cycle with some sitar-like guitar work closing the track.

A 1½-minute track on the joys of no shame and more freedom, "Take Your Clothes Off When You Dance" is an odd track with stupid vocals and odd lyrics.

The Mothers come back to remind you that the "Ugliest Part of Your Body" is your mind. Then, some tape warps ensue until finally your head can't handle it any more, it snorks and a spooky voice says, "Do it again! Do it again!"

"Mother People" is a bouncy, happy-go-lucky track which protests the right to be free and how hippies can be the same as everybody else. Shortly before the song ends, a few seconds of "I Don't Know If I Can Go Through This Again" is sampled.

The album ends with a frightening, Franz Kafka-influenced track called "The Chrome Plated Megaphone of Destiny." The only word ever spoken in the track is "arbitrary." Creepy, no? With maniacal laughter and avant-garde musical sounds, the track is practically a fitting way to end this great album. Don't listen to this album at night, though, because it gave me nightmares.

Well, that wraps up this very long review.

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