Worst Album Of The Year

I didn't either. How could I miss that?

 

Snow Dog - Errors & Omissions Team......I think that's how

Most disappointing to me so far has been the new Queensryche although I do understand what they were trying to achieve.

 

and as for Metallica with Lou Reed - dunno that I'm even going to try that one on

That's why I hate Dream Theater. You'd never find a song like "Pull Me Under" or "Space-Dye Vest" on a new DT album. It's just endless streams of faceless riffs and complex, derivative jam sessions. As long as the make their music hard to play, and Petrucci lets loose with some blindingly fast solo to impress all the teen potheads, they don't give a damn. Maybe it's because my heart demands an acute sense of melody. Maybe it's because I've been burned out on complex music for the sake of complexity. How many awkward time signatures can a man withstand before he says 'screw this, I wanna weep in the corner.' 

That's why I listen to music, to have my heart blown to bits, to be reduced to a crippled, tear-soaked shell in the corner. I want music so inarguably beautiful, so insurmountably universal, so sincere and honest and life-affirming and despairing and scathing and horrifying and psychologically brutal and emotionally resonant that my heart has no choice but to crack and force me to a trembling shamble. Other things, like punchy, memorable, concise, and to-the-point grit metal that doesn't recycle riffs or moods, that's fine too. I really like soulful gospel metal and pop/rock melded with doo-wop (like great post-Beatles Lennon. I love Just Like Starting Over to death). But you tell me - would any new Dream Theater album give me what I'm looking for?

When it comes to metal, I prefer stuff like Savatage, Judas Priest, Queensryche, or Rainbow. When it comes to prog, I prefer stuff like Jethro Tull, Pink Floyd, Comus, (some) King Crimson (basically most of Court and most of Red), and such. 

I like surreal diversity, so I fell in love with maudlin of the Well. Where's the melodic sense, resonant sense, diverse sense, or surreal sense to the new DT album? Isn't just another technical metal album? Geez, it's not like Petrucci's Richard Thompson or anything. Labrie's no Antony Hegarty or Thom Yorke on the clean end. He's no Waits or Dylan on the dirty end. And he's no Halford or Gildenlow or King Diamond or Dio on the powerful end. What's the goddamn point is all I'm asking. Why should I give them the care? Don't tell me an album like Dramatic Turn goes over my head or that I don't 'get it'. That's ridiculous. Were they trying to save their souls with that album, like with Antony's I Am a Bird Now? Were they trying to bare their souls like with Pet Sounds or Soft Bulletin or Perfect Element? Were they trying to show the world the dark side of life like Rain Dogs or Bone Machine or ? No-no-no. They were just trying to look cool without working hard for it. I don't know. I hated it.

I didn't like Harvest or The Hunter, either. Both of them left me terribly cold. I tolerated King of Limbs, and Road Salt Two was meandering. It was inconsequential to me. Every album I've heard this year, from the new Devin Townsend two to Radiohead's new one, left me cold and bored. The only record, and this is because I'm horribly biased, that hit me and forced me to pay attention was Tom Waits' Bad as Me. The fifteen or so records I've heard otherwise didn't do anything for me. Out of all the newer releases, I haven't found an album I really liked since Part the Second, and haven't found an album I love to death since 2004 (the last great year in music for me - Modest Mouse's The Moon and Antarctica, Ayreon's The Human Equation, etc.)

In shorts, I'm too hairy and sometimes my pasty skin seems-

In short, I don't give half a sh*t about anything new coming out except in a couple places (none of which are a formal aspect of prog). No, I haven't heard Fly From Here. I won't for some time. Where are the important, original, heart-wrenching masterpieces? Where's the Abbey Road for 2011? Where's the Mollusk or the Soft Bulletin or The PEt Sounds or the Highway 61 or the Blood on the Tracks or the Small Change or the Dark Side of the Moon or the "Melt" or the Hounds of Love or the Dummy for 2011? Where's the Kid A or OK Computer for 2011? Hell, I'd settle for a comparable Bringing it All Back Home or Sgt. Pepper for 2011. I just don't see it there. I detest Porcupine Tree. Phideaux bores me (except one short instrumental!) Opeth's mood has NEVER changed. Even my favorite bands, like Pain of Salvation and Devin Townsend have faltered in my eyes and fallen into self-caricatures and derivative repetitiveness. 

Okay, so I was really bored and in a rambling mood. I wrote this inbetween a few cups of coffee and an excitedly screaming and jumping 3-year old. Yep, my son turned 3 a week ago. We're trying to download some movies about planets and trains and cowboys and pirates for him. He tried to tell me a knock knock joke:

Him: Knock knock

Me: Who's there?

Him: Nothin'............knock knock

Me: Who's there?

Him: Orange banana

I hate the band 'HIM'. I hate Poisonblack, Turbonegro, 69 Eyes, HIM, Evanescence, and I really dislike Nightwish. What do you call a Christ that whips himself? an 'Autopilate'. 

Henry: That was almost a brilliant review but the final paragraph about Tebow nearly sunk the ship. It had no business being there.

And as for the DT controversy, I was simply taking exception to the remark that you are "moronic" to call ADTOE a poor album, as if it's some kind of moral/intellectual failure and oughtn't be allowed.

Right now on RYM, Lulu is #2 on the worst albums of the year list. Number one is Justin Bieber's remix disc but as that is almost certainly blind hate and not any kind of genuine reaction to the music, Lulu may be the real number one.