The (Factually) Greatest Drummer

"Okay guys, what we need is a straight forward: Ba-Dum... Tish! so, okay, after 4: one... two... thr... what's that? No Mike, you won't be needing the gong for this, oh what! you need it anyway?... okay we'll wait while your drum tech sets it up... yes Carl, the crane has arrived and we'll be setting up your kit shortly... sorry Nick what did you say? yes, I think it is in common time... yes, that is the same as 4/4 time, yes I know it's only three hits but it's still 4/4 time, yes, I know 3 plus 4 is 7 but it's not 7/4 time it's 4/4time... well think of the 4th beat as a rest... pardon Mike? is the gong setup now? Oh, not yet but you want to know what a rest is... okay, guys can you tell Mike what a rest is? .... anyone? ... Terry? ... Gavin? Carl? Mike? Mike? Alan? Bill surely you... oh, okay so no one then ... it's when you don't hit a anything for a beat... why are you all looking at me like that? ... well yes, of course there's a point to employing a drummer to not hit a drum... yes I do know drums cost a lot of money that doesn't mean you have to hit all of them. Look, while we're waiting for Carl and Mike to have their kits set up can we run through it one more time... " <<twenty minutes later>> "yeah, okay... umm... that was good fellows but maybe just a little on the long side.. just smidgen too many notes perhaps and Neil you know what I'm going to say don't you?... yes way too much cowbell... hang on... can someone give Alan a nudge and wake him up? .... no Bill not like that and certainly not with a mallet, now can you help him back onto his stool please... what's that Terry? ... ah, it's called a throne, that little stool you sit on is called a throne .... okay, no I didn't know that, thank you for that, so would you mind helping Bill pick Alan up and help him to his 'throne'... thank you. Yes Gavin, you wanted to ask something... yes I think Carl is finished with the crane now, what do you want it for? ah right... upside down you say... and why's that? you're fed up with prog and want to audition for Slipknot... well we could try but we're not really equipped for it and I don't think Phil's suspenders are going to be good enough for a harness... hold it just a second would you please... Phil... Phil... erm, excuse me, hey, Phil... PHIL! PHILLIP COLLINS! ... yes, you... could I just stop you there for a minute... yeah you could say there is a slight problem... 'ba-do-diddly-do-bah-pah-pish' isn't quite the same is it... ba-dum tish ... that's it and that's all we want... ba dum tish... no 'do-diddlies' no 'bah-pah-pishes' just ba-dum tish and please Phil this time we'd like you to play it on the drums... please don't sing it again... look, can someone give Alan another nudge? .... no not you Bill, someone else this time... Alan keeps taking your lunch-money... oh not lunch-money, your meal-ticket... yes, if you say so I suppose he does... Okay then, are we all ready? Oh, you'd like a count in Mike, fair enough... can someone count us in... anyone... look someone here must know how to count to 4..."