Smells Like... What?

The callouses on the feet of a stegosaurus that has just waddled 330 miles across a primeval swamp smells of a trash bin full of big macs and NKOTB CD's that were thrown out after they couldn't sell them on the budget bin rack at your local Dollar General.

A server farm passing through a car wash smells of stale soapy water left on the back porch too long due to the  fact that teenagers today are too busy sexting rather than do their chores.

A homeless bum who thinks he's an underrated beat poet smells of stale patchouli left over from those hippie days of Woodstock.

The contents of a penguin's stomach six hours after it has gorged on anchovies smells like a really good lunch.

Something you find under a park bench first thing in the morning in a brown paper bag smells like doggy dropping left by some lazy SOB that's too inconsiderate to throw them in the proper trash receptacle.

An afternoon breeze in an insistent warehouse of b*****d staircases smells of a ploy to confuse a cat.

A fat bat on a mat with a rat smells like the kind of grotesque nightmare an insane janitor might have the night after killing a homeless child or two.

An evening out on town for Bill O'Reilly smells like a bag of unsalted french fries that have been trampled into the dust by a particularly angry rhinocerous

Teen spirit smells like tuned mopeds, half-smoked cigarettes, Estonian vodka and green hair wax.

A budget airliner full of babies, pensioners and a malodorous aircrew smells of a Fall season sitcom on Fox that's sure to make people run out of their homes screaming.