Greatest review ever written here:

maidenrulez wrote: GENESIS - Foxtrot Review by Breed Lover @ 3:13:58 PM EST, 3/30/2005   —   I hate this [%*!#]ing album it sucks big time, Peter Gabriel is a [%*!#]ing dickhead and Phil Collins is his gay lover all GENESIS SUCKS I repeat SUCKS. avoid this piece of [&*!#] and all GENESIS albums Watchers of the Skies is Crap so, piss on my copy , im going to play slipknot they are cool   YES - Close to the Edge Review by Breed Lover @ 3:29:09 PM EST, 3/30/2005   —   No this album is [&*!#] everybody knowz thiz, i love slipknot and YES SUCKS!!!!!! save your money because this album is crap and i love rugby prog rock stinks but i do like some but i hate yes , a squeeky bloke, a gingerhead woman and a tall gay bass player whatever next a sexy blonde on saxophone, please remove them   KING CRIMSON In the Court of the Crimson King Review by Breed Lover @ 10:14:28 AM EST, 12/9/2003  —  well jesus christ o mighty where do i start here, yes it's one of them [%*!#]ing crap pieces of [&*!#], robert fripp is a c**t and he sucks dildos all day long and greg lake bends over for michael giles, yes sounds like king crimson, well they suck and this album is crap, slipknot is class 5 stars for all their album, piss on this cd, snap it up, throw it in the bin and shove it up your minge and save your money, king crimson sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

I laughed my ass off when i read those reviews for the first time

Easy Livin wrote: I presume some of these are taken from the "Inappropriate reviews" thread. I don' think they are there any more...are they?

YES - Close to the Edge (1972)
Review by João Matos @ 3:44:01 PM EST, 5/6/2005

  —   Buy the holly mother of god... How can this [&*!#] be in first place? The album is so bad BUT SO BAD... the vocalist is a gay... The songs are stupid, and the letters don´t make any sense... Yes is definitly the worst band of progressive metal, they not even are progressive metal, maybe they are some sort of jazz funky, BUT THEIR NOT DEFINITLY PROGRESSIVE METAL... PLEASE, TAKE THIS sh*t OF THE FIRST PLACE AND PUT DREAM THEATER - IMAGES AND WORDS... THIS ALBUM SUCKS A LOTTTTTTTTTTT

You should have never deleted this Close to the Edge review, for God's sake, if this place needs something is sense of humor and this guy is hilariious, he's so ignorant that he doesn't have a clue about Pogressive Rock (Almost sure he doesn't know Progressive Rock exists), probably he's a metal fan that heard about Progressive Metal and entered to Prog Archives expecting to find only Prog Metal.

The review is absolutely delightfull.

Iván

That's why a copy was left for posterity in the inappropriate reviews thread Ivan.

It's where all such masterpieces are given a decent burial. 

Their graves need no flowers, the tapes have recorded their names.

I wonder how many of us missed the detail their Salmacis!

Geck0- Good point, but it actually makes sense if you're familiar with the track.

Clemo - Hugues is working his way through some of his old reviews to tidy them up. Many were written before he became a Prog Reviewer. He did have a way with words though!

Wow...apparently, in spite of my previous convictions, literacy is not a prerequisite to being a prog lover. 

I'm going to have to start reading the reviews more.  I see now that they could be an endless source of entertainment.

ivan_2068 wrote: Holy God!!!!! Each time I read the ATOTT review quoted by Salmacis I find more gems, really a masterpiece. Tony Banks ghost like piano ending making the hairs on the palms of your hands stand up on edge A priest at school told me this condition was created by excesive masturbation, as well as  loss of coherence, now I understand the review. Iván

I wonder if the reviewer is blind too.

Here's another little gem:  "Dance on a volcano" starts the whole thing off in menacing fashion and quirky beats, and for some reason always makes me think of a blonde haired and a black haired dominatrix dressing Johnny Orzach up in womens clothes.

This guy has too much time on his hands (or too much something in his hands) and way too vivid an imagination.

Oh and here's another:  Has anyone noticed Kevin Walters grunting on the fade out?

Who the hell is Kevin Walters?  Kevin Walters, Toby Banks, etc.  Maybe this is a different Genesis. 

...or was he just having a really good time writing the review and setting a few traps for people like us who come to discuss it...?

Another classic from Mr. Chantraine (he managed to work in a bit of a rant on the 80's too):

Review (Permanent link) by Hugues Chantraine @ 9:11:54 AM EST, 2/3/2004
SPECIAL COLLABORATION

 —  Released in 83 it is even worse , than its predecessor , it is the respect for the drummer that stops me from sinking this lower than the Titanic , but let's face it: Genesis was doing Abacab, Yes did 90125 , Asia stunk, Styx Stunx, Jethro did the awful Wraps album,the Moody Blundered, letting only KC (without the Sunshine Band please) save somewhat the days with its trilogy (Discipline , Beat, Pair), so don't go expecting poor old Machiavel to save the world.