Woulda, coulda, shoulda !

I would echo Jims words about medication. I've not tried medITation.

I've taken all manner of anti depressants over the years, and they're barely a sticking plaster.

Bacially, I know what the root causes of my problems, failings and inadequacies are. If I choose not to address those issues then I've no one to blame but myself for being what I am. At 39, I am probably over half way through my life now, and I made an unconcious decison some time ago, to be independent, to never marry and to never be a father. That was a bad decision, which I now deeply regret. Anyone here who is young and thinking along those lines, take my advice and fight the inclination to be independant with every fibre of your being. Human beings are not meant to be alone.

Jim Garten wrote: Peter wrote: I tell people to stop choosing "victimhood", tell them that their past has led them to this crossroads, they they did what they HAD to do in the past (to have acted differently, they would have to have been someone else).... ...and tell them they are not in charge of their past -- only their present, and thus, their future. Like it, Peter - I mean I really like it! Having suffered from lack of self esteem & clinical depression in the past, I can see exactly where you are coming from here. Thank heavens for a good wife, good friends & the wonders of meditation

The wonders of meditation or medication. My experience with medication has been & is middling at best. They work, or at least I feel better that would if I were off them.
I have been considering meditation, though. Was this something you took up during or after your episode ?

I quietly listen and then get mildly depressed thinking of my own unrealised potential.

Usually give them a hug and stab them simultaneously.

Very Brutus.

I feel a bit antsy when someone uses the phrase " my life's philosophy, or my wife's philosophy for that matter.

Slartibartfast wrote: Well, there's this chick on one my local TV news programs named Brenda Wood.  And I always have to wonder, why didn't she?  And what changed that she won't do it now?  What exactly was it that Brenda "would" do? No doubt some people do go through life with unrealized potential, but those who dwell on such things to that extent are probably deluding themselves.

I'll gladly plead guilty to some delusions. It makes life so much more rosey.
I have a dislike for people who tell me they're disappointed because I have/had so much potential. One friend in particular lumped 2-3 of us as a group that "let" him down with what our lives (work , academic, athletic achievements et al) turned out to be. In one of my better rants, I cut him down by saying that whatever the results were, that it was my life, and that I fully accepted the choices I had made, and had no reason to consider my present status as disappointing. That along with telling him to F off, and to find something better to do than put a value on his life by association with others' .
Heck, even my wife asks the what if questions from time to time. And my simple (and more mannerly response to her) is simply that I am happy with what I have. And that who knows if I had made other choices, whether things might have actually turned out for the worse as compared to my current life. After all, what ifs are not something that you can test to see what wwould come of them. So why worry.
I have a great wife who I regularly tell that she deserves better (I'm diagnosed with Bi-Polar spectrum or for those who aren't medically trained - moderate manic depression) , a great daughter, two lovable bozo SPCA specials (dogs), I have parents that are as supportive and loving as any you can find; my in-laws are good people, and while I don't have a million friends (or a million dollars for that matter) the 4 or 5 that I do have are worth their weight in Gold.

So whenever I reminisce, If I go I would've done this, I could have done that; I always add that in the end the only way to prove the probability of either is that I should have done it and thus found out for sure.

 I encounter this a lot in my line of work.

 

Here's another inspiring song lyric, which appears on a great old Ry Cooder album I recently picked up:

Always Lift Him Up

(Alfred Reed)

when a fellow has the blues and feels discouraged
And there's nothing else but trouble all his life
When he's always grumbled at and never happy
Living with a scolding, aggravating wife
If he's sick and tired of life and takes to drinking
Do not pass him by, don't greet him with a frown
Do not fail to lend a hand and try to help him
Always lift him up and never knock him down

If he stays out late at night because he's worried
And because his home is not what it should be
Have a smile for him whenever you should meet him
It would help him just the right way, don't you see
If he gambles when he's in the town or city
Tell him what he ought to do to gain the crown
Lend a hand and do not fail to show him pity
Always lift him up and never knock him down

If he cannot pay his debts and feels disgusted
If he's blue and doesn't have a word to say
Let him know you are his friend who can be trusted
It would cheer this lonely fellow on his way
If he finds it hard for him to keep his family
Let a kind word greet his ear when he's around
Dont say anything at all to make against him
Always lift him up and never knock him down

If he has no friends and everyone's against him
If he's failed at everything that he has tried
Try to lift his load, to help to bear his burden
Let him know that you are walking by his side
And if he feels that all is lost, and he is falling
Try to place that poor man's feet on solid ground
Just remember he's some mother's precious darling
Always lift him up and never knock him down
Always lift him up and never knock him down

 

Yes, it can be tiresome to be around such damaged, overly-negative people who feel they have let themselves down, but that's my job. I try not to give up on them, and above all, try to make them not give up upon themselves. Second chances. Third chances. Fourth chances. I listen. I greet cheerfully, and with respect. I use humour. I think about them, and how best to help. I try to help.

 

 

Finally, I try to live by this credo, from author Kurt Vonnegut's son Mark Vonnegut, who battled depression, overcame it, and became a medical doctor, dedicated to helping others:

 

"We are here to help each other through this thing -- whatever it is."

 

That's a good enough philosophy for me!

Edited by Peter - April 13 2008 at 00:31

Well, there's this chick on one my local TV news programs named Brenda Wood.  And I always have to wonder, why didn't she?  And what changed that she won't do it now?  What exactly was it that Brenda "would" do?

No doubt some people do go through life with unrealized potential, but those who dwell on such things to that extent are probably deluding themselves.


Edited by Slartibartfast - April 11 2008 at 19:16

woulda coulda shoulda???



Sounds like the result of bathtime flatulence

How do you handle people who go on about their unrealized potential ?
personally , the above sums it up best.