A little bit of fun, which could potentially turn into a game;

Post the most cringe-worthy lyrics you can think of, and the rest of us will try to guess the song and band. Award yourself a happy smile and one point for either, and a smug gloat and 5 points for both.

To kick off...

"The beach is deserted, except for some kelp, and a piece of an old ship that lies on the shore. You always responded when I needed your help, you gave me a lock and a key to your door."

Hey man, don't go knocking Bob Dylan.  Sara is a good song...

You'll all know this one, but it still warrants mention.

"Every day a little sadder,
A little madder,
Someone get me a ladder."

ELP     Still you turn me on

At the age of sixteen
I grew out of hope
I regarded the cosmos
Through a circle of rope
So I threw out my plans
Ran on to the wheel
And emptied my head
Of all childish ideals
The sleep of no feeling
I married the first girl
Who wasn't a man
And smiled as the spiders
Ran all over my hands
Made a good living
By dying it's true
As the world in my TV
Leaked onto my shoes

PORCUPINE TREE - Sleep Of No Dreaming (Dodgy title too - extra point!).

Useful_Idiot wrote: Hey man, don't go knocking Bob Dylan.  Sara is a good song... You'll all know this one, but it still warrants mention. "Every day a little sadder, A little madder, Someone get me a ladder."

I would never knock someone who sings through their nose, has an interesting approach to harmony, and plays the harmonica like it's wedged in his windpipe...

I don't know where that came from - I would never usually utilise blue type for my posts - it wasn't me!!!

Seriously, I love Dylan - one of the greatest lyricists and songwriters of the twentieth century. I also know that there are a lot of people to whom the song "Sara" means something special, but I don't fall into that category - I find it kinda cheesey... especially when you take the lyrics out of context like I did.

Now are these BAD or just plain BAD???

"Ughh! Hey you, it's just another [title of song]...ughh!
Hey you, it's just another [title of song]...yeah!
It goes a-one, two three and
It's just another [title of song]
And suckas be thinkin' that they can fake this
But I'm gonna drop it at a higher level
'Cause I'm inclined to stoop down
Hand out some beat-downs"

???

No takers?

It was Rage Against the Machine, showing their subtle and poetic approach to lyric-writing in the aptly titled "Bombtrack"

Try these from a great prog band, who have a unique approach to the art that is lyric-writing;

Just take a pebble and cast it to the silent sea,
What does happen?
Just have a thought, cry a word or pray a silent plea
Do you know what will happen?
Billows arise and our senses catch a proof of energy!
Do we know laws of nature?
All one what we feel or do Echoes return from eternity!
We'll come to know our creator!
We can't stop the echoes
Which are called forth by our animation,
We can't hide from the echoes,
From the truth of our soul - Vibration!
Do we know the sound of collapsing walls,
of collapsing truth, law and order?
The instant of our Freudian deliverance?
We are the shouters at the border!
As long as we're entangled in declinating
All divine forces around us!
As long as we refuse to understand
That we are here to spread out power of love!
Are we actually informed
About the mission of our life?
Do we know what we're composed
Of the Trinity - of heart, soul, and mind?
Our dark nights only come to bright end
When we learn - Violence makes us sick and blind!
Creation's aim and end, aspiration is to rise
The beam of love in our mind!
Just think about what we call love and hate
We are the ones to recreate it!
When we're sowing fear, when we lock up
We will reap all the tears
All the tears that separate!
Punishment and pain is the touchstone for the gain
For the way, our common spirit grown!
All our silent cries, our thoughts, our deeds
Will call forth what we earn, will arise mighty echoes!

Genius... I think

I was going to say "Take A Pebble", ELP -- but it's apparently "Eloy", Mighty Echoes...

CL350K4 wrote: I was going to say "Take A Pebble", ELP -- but it's apparently "Eloy", Mighty Echoes...

Hmm... Googled, by any chance?

Try this little snippet...

"Some people call me a Space Cowboy. Some people call me the gangster of love.  Some people call me Maurice, cause I speak to the pompadous of love.

People talk about me baby, say I'm doing you wrong, doing you wrong.  Don't you worry baby, don't worry, cause I'm right here, right here, right here at home.

Cause I'm a picker, I'm a grinner, I'm a lover, I'm a sinner. Play my music in the sun.  I'm a joker, I'm a smoker, I'm a midnight toker. I get my lovin' on the run.

You're the cutest thing I ever did see.  Really love your peaches wanna' shake your tree.

Cause I'm a picker, I'm a grinner, I'm a lover, I'm a sinner. Play my music in the sun.  I'm a joker, I'm a smoker, I'm a midnight toker. I get my lovin' on the run.

Lovey dovey, lovey dovey, lovey dovey all the time...."

I defy anyone to find worse lyrics.

These are lyrics that really set my teeth on edge;

"Walking across the sitting room, I turn the television off. Sitting beside you, I look into your eyes"

 Aaaargh!! NO-ONE turns the television off as they are walking across the sitting room - normally one either grabs the remote, or walks across to the other side of the sitting room, pauses by the television and THEN switches it off!!! Is it just me, or does that lyric suggest that the protagonist does a quick jaunty flick behind his back as he passes the television set on his perambulations?

He's a bit quick getting back to the sofa to sit beside his beloved and look into her eyes as well - I find that scene jump somewhat jarring.

and even worse are these;

"Six saintly shrouded men move across the lawn slowly - a seventh walks in front, a cross held high in hand."

No, no, no, no, no!!!

SEVEN men are on the lawn - obviously. And it's the FIRST that is in front - NOT the seventh!!! The seventh is at the BACK!!

I know I said this in my review, but I'm interested in what others think - I dunno why they annoy me so much - is it just me ???

I understand Steve Howe cringes every time it's called "The clap" (which is how it's listed on The Yes Album").

He insists it was always meant to just be called "Clap".

Can't think why it bothers him so much!

Yeah - and that Fish, when he sings "Sheathed within the walkman wear a halo of distortion, aural contraceptive aborting pregnant conversation"

...why doesn't he just say "I put my headphones on and turn it up so I can't hear your bullsht?"

What about this:

"Maybe I'll just sing awhile
And then give you a call
Maybe I'll just say hello
And say maybe that's all"

I don't really know what to say, but I've always found this little extract very silly indeed. But anyway one of the greatest tunes ever. 

Well, it doesn't look bad on paper, I suppose, but I find listening to the following absolutely excruciating in the song, especially the way the singer drags out "America" to try and make it fit the music.

I spent 1938 in the United States of America,
I grew to love it's many faces, and they had built some amazing places,

The "faces"/"places" thing makes me cringe. Talk about a forced rhyme.

Certif1ed wrote: These are lyrics that really set my teeth on edge; "Walking across the sitting room, I turn the television off. Sitting beside you, I look into your eyes"  Aaaargh!! NO-ONE turns the television off as they are walking across the sitting room - normally one either grabs the remote, or walks across to the other side of the sitting room, pauses by the television and THEN switches it off!!! Is it just me, or does that lyric suggest that the protagonist does a quick jaunty flick behind his back as he passes the television set on his perambulations? He's a bit quick getting back to the sofa to sit beside his beloved and look into her eyes as well - I find that scene jump somewhat jarring. and even worse are these; "Six saintly shrouded men move across the lawn slowly - a seventh walks in front, a cross held high in hand." No, no, no, no, no!!! SEVEN men are on the lawn - obviously. And it's the FIRST that is in front - NOT the seventh!!! The seventh is at the BACK!! I know I said this in my review, but I'm interested in what others think - I dunno why they annoy me so much - is it just me ???

Certif1ed, I don't know why the Supper's Ready lyrics bother you so much.

For a start, I've always understood "Walking across the sitting room, I turn the television off. Sitting beside you, I look into your eyes" to mean: 1) I walked across the sitting room and turned the TV off. 2) Then I sat down and looked into your eyes! I believe the correct grammatical term for this is 'dramatic present tense'.

"Six saintly shrouded men move across the lawn slowly - a seventh walks in front, a cross held high in hand." doesn't bother me either. Without debating the intended or probable meaning, lingustically "seventh" could be used simply to form a differentiation, e.g. to refer to a man without a shroud and/or not saintly. Could he be their page, for example?! Also, the use of "seventh" need not be referring to the order of procession, but to the fact that six of them are shrouded but a seventh is holding a cross. In other words, one could read it as: "Six saintly shrouded men move across the lawn slowly - a seventh man walks in front, a cross held high in hand." Anyway, it doesn't bother me, linguistically, or otherwise. Must be just you!

Fitzcarraldo wrote: Certif1ed, I don't know why the Supper's Ready lyrics bother you so much. For a start, I've always understood "Walking across the sitting room, I turn the television off. Sitting beside you, I look into your eyes" to mean: 1) I walked across the sitting room and turned the TV off. 2) Then I sat down and looked into your eyes! I believe the correct grammatical term for this is 'dramatic present tense'. "Six saintly shrouded men move across the lawn slowly - a seventh walks in front, a cross held high in hand." doesn't bother me either. Without debating the intended or probable meaning, lingustically "seventh" could be used simply to form a differentiation, e.g. to refer to a man without a shroud and/or not saintly. Could he be their page, for example?! Also, the use of "seventh" need not be referring to the order of procession, but to the fact that six of them are shrouded but a seventh is holding a cross. In other words, one could read it as: "Six saintly shrouded men move across the lawn slowly - a seventh man walks in front, a cross held high in hand." Anyway, it doesn't bother me, linguistically, or otherwise. Must be just you!

Prolly is just me, but I still hear the first part as "Whilst walking across the sitting room I turn the television off. Suddenly I'm sitting beside..."

And the second part, I will always hear the implication that the "seventh" is a seventh saintly hooded man, with the added twist that he is, in fact, THE seventh, but he is walking in front, hence first, in reality.

Some people get upset by the sound of fingernails on glass! It's just part of my own personal madness - and I'm very happy with it. I LIKE getting mad about such trivial things - it saves getting mad about real stuff that I actually care about - which I think is usually counter-productive.

/makes mental note to scour other lyrics for possible humourous negative interpretations to get mad about, and stop reading Oscar Wilde for a few weeks...

I'm afraid I don't have a clue about this one, West. Which band/artist is it?

"Confusion rains down on us all,

From the blistering hights of reason.

A shame we have no balls at all.

On which to scratch our flees on!

But don't you know

'Twas Romeo,

The spunky holy spirit,

Who pulls his foreskin to and fro',

And shoots the giddy linnet."

......and that from one of my favourite lyricist, Roy Harper, "Kangeroo Blues".

West wrote: How 'bout this one: "She awakens from a dream To a silent room where shadows speak of memories Another sleepless night, afraid to face the day" Hmm...

Those seem OK to me!

Lonely by Crimson Glory.

It seems to me that one man's bad lyrics are another's poetry, so I'm going to start a new thread that's more of a game.

Certif1ed said: "Those seem OK to me!"

Certif1ied, did you by any chance miss the "awakens" vs "sleepless night"?

Fitzcarraldo wrote: Certif1ed said: "Those seem OK to me!" Certif1ied, did you by any chance miss the "awakens" vs "sleepless night"?

No - the "awakens" was from the dream - sleep was not necessarily implied. I do that all the time, especially after "exotic" cigarettes... 

emdiar wrote: "Confusion rains down on us all, From the blistering hights of reason. A shame we have no balls at all. On which to scratch our flees on! But don't you know 'Twas Romeo, The spunky holy spirit, Who pulls his foreskin to and fro', And shoots the giddy linnet." ......and that from one of my favourite lyricist, Roy Harper, "Kangeroo Blues".

Harper could be truly great, and yet he wrote some turkeys too...

Mind you, I never liked "Tom Tiddler's Ground" either, which is widely regarded as some of his finest (I understand...).

Well, as the lyrics of Lonely go on to say "She wakes up to another day" I think it's fairly safe to assume she was indeed sleeping! So I can see West's point.

TRY THIS ONE:

KAZAAM KAZUNGLE,YOU'RE THE KING OF THE JUNGLE 

YOU'RE THE CAT WITH THE CREAM

YOU'VE GOT IT ALL

DON'T YOU KNOW YOU'RE WALKING TALL

WA HOO WA HOO WA HOO

HINT:NOT FROM A PROG ARTIST(FROM ONE OF HIS SOLO ALBUMS)

I REALLY HAD A GOOD LAUGH WHEN FIRST HEARD THESE LYRICS  

Paul Rodgers - Electric

YES,FOLKS WE HAVE A WINNER

GOOD SOLO WORK FROM ONE OF THE GREAT VOICES OF ROCK N ROLL!

PROG4ME

I think this is a great piece of music by a great band who you can't knock really, but is it just me, or are these lyrics cheesier than a block of cheese in a cheese factory? Electric Cheddar anyone?

He was the wizard
Of a thousand kings
And I chanced to meet him
One night wandering
He told me tales
And he drank my wine
Me and my magic man
Kinda feeling fine

He had a cloak of gold
And eyes of fire
And as he spoke
I felt a deep desire
To free the world
Of its fear and pain
And help the people
To feel free again

Why don't we listen to
The voices in our hearts
‘Cause then I know we'd find
We're not so far apart
Everybody's got to be happy
Everyone should sing
For we know the joy of life
The peace that love can bring

So spoke the wizard
In his mountain home
The vision of his wisdom
Means we'll never be alone
And I will dream of my magic night
And a million silver stars
That guide me with their light

A heep (sic) of cheese, if you'll pardon the pun. But, in the same vein (so it must be Stilton or Danish Blue):

Let's all go to
The magician's birthday
It's in a forest
But not so far away
Much to do
And so much to say
While we listened to
The orchid orchestra play

Happy Birthay to you ...
Happy Birthday to magician
Happy Birthday to you ...

 

I deliberately picked Cheddar, because it's produced in Wiltshire, which is where Salisbury is

Good old UH - an easy target for lyrics that suck - but GREAT music!

"Me and my magic man Kinda feeling fine"

- does that sound gay to you?

(Note; absolutely no offence meant to folk who flick the other side of the coin, as it were...)

Fitzcarraldo wrote: Well, it doesn't look bad on paper, I suppose, but I find listening to the following absolutely excruciating in the song, especially the way the singer drags out "America" to try and make it fit the music. I spent 1938 in the United States of America, I grew to love it's many faces, and they had built some amazing places, The "faces"/"places" thing makes me cringe. Talk about a forced rhyme.

Hey thats the best singer Prog ever had...

Anyway, since it was skipped over, I thought I'd answer it.. its ELP's OFficer and A Gentleman.. from Love Beach.  I can't believe those lines bothered you.. and yet you didn't mention these;

"Take all you need from the taste of my love
I want to love you like nobody ever loved you
Get on my stallion and we'll ride.
I want to hold you and enfold you beyond reason
I want to dynamite your mind with love tonight.
Go down gently with your face to the east
The sun may be rising but we haven't finished the beast.
Ohhh, you still look hungry woman
I'm glad your came in here with your eyes so bright,
on this long hot night"

"Milk maid dud bean. Master a load a head. Pill pop a dope a well run general hash pump a gonna led.

Cuz I can ford a red eed only street a wide a ree land. Die-mond make a mid-evil bike a sake a like a ree caste."

Yes, it's (supposedly) English.

All I can make of it is: when you don't want to write lyrics - make words up!

That'll be "Hooch" by the Melvins - notorious for "incomprehensible" lyrics, and yet there's an alluring rhythm and curious pathos to it when you consider the whole song;

Los ticka toe rest.
Might likea sender doe ree.
Your make a doll a ray day sender bright like a penelty.
Exi-tease my ray day member half lost a beat away.
Purst in like a one way sender war give a heart like a fay.
Cuz I can ford a red eed only street a wide a ree land.
Die-mond make a mid-evil bike a sake a like a ree caste.
Cuz I can ford a red eed only street a wide a ree land.
On a ree land. Find a ree land.
You sink a my swan.
Rolly a get a worst in.
Maybe minus way far central poor forty duck a pin.
Milk maid dud bean. Master a load a head.
Pill pop a dope a well run general hash pump a gonna led.

Maybe it's just me, but I quite like those!

I can't see any such saving graces in the ELP lyrics, however - good call, threefates

Nasty!

Sorry, threefates, but I can't stand the ELP lyrics you quoted either. My personal opinion only, but I find them corny in the extreme. Each to his/her own.

Fitzcarraldo wrote: Sorry, threefates, but I can't stand the ELP lyrics you quoted either. My personal opinion only, but I find them corny in the extreme. Each to his/her own.

No problem, Fitz... I was actually quoting them as bad lyrics.  However, in ELP's defense.. they were meant to be corny and extreme... sort of Pete and Greg's way of getting back at the record company that was forcing them to make this album.  Believe me, I'm sure that during that recording, the band was probably trying very hard not to laugh themselves out of the studio....

Sorry, guys, but I've got all of you beat by a mile...  Try these:

"Gliddy gloop gloopy, nibby nabby noopy, la la la lo lo.  Sabba sibby sabba, nooby abba nabba, le le lo lo.  Tooby ooby walla, nooby abba nabba..."

They are from a well-known song, in english.

Go for it...

Good Morning Starshine... from the musical Hair... as performed by Oliver...

I've got the 45...

  http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001">  

maani wrote: "Gliddy gloop gloopy, nibby nabby noopy, la la la lo lo.  Sabba sibby sabba, nooby abba nabba, le le lo lo.  Tooby ooby walla, nooby abba nabba..."

That makes me think of this;

How about this one:

i have a sad story to tell you
it may hurt your feelings a bit
this morning i stepped out the shower
and stepped in a pile of...

shaving cream!
be nice and clean
shave everyday and you'll always be clean
(mm bop mm bop bop mm bop bop mm bop bop)

when i was in the french army
i went to look into my kit
expecting to find a crousanwich
the whole thing was filled up with

shaving cream!
be nice and clean
shave everyday and you'll always be clean
(mm bop mm bop bop mm bop bop mm bop bop)

a baby fell out of a window
you'd think that his head would be split
but good luck was with him that morning
he fell in a pile of

shaving cream!
be nice and clean
shave everyday and you'll always be clean
(mm bop mm bop bop mm bop bop mm bop bop)

a lady died in a bath tub
she died of a terrible fit
in order to fufill her wishes
she's buried in six feet of

shaving cream!
be nice and clean
shave everyday and you'll always be clean
(mm bop mm bop bop mm bop bop mm bop bop)

now that this song is over
i'm tired of singing, i quit!
if any of you are offended,
go sit in a pile of

shaving cream!
be nice and clean
shave everyday and you'll always be clean
(mm bop mm bop bop mm bop bop mm bop bop)

 Certif1ied, where do you find these things?!

That song can be heard in all its glory (!) here:

http://www.firstworldwar.com/audio/Collins%20&%20Harlan%20-%20Aba%20Daba%20Honeymoon.mp3 - http://www.firstworldwar.com/audio/Collins%20&%20Harlan% 20-%20Aba%20Daba%20Honeymoon.mp3

Sophisticated stuff.

Moving forward 40 years but keeping the tropical theme, do the lyrics: "Look. See. Nice? Agree." ring any bells?

I remember finding an old 78 of my dad's featuring this one:

Hut-Sut Rawlson on the rillerah and a brawla, brawla sooit,
Hut-Sut Rawlson on the rillerah and a brawla sooit.
Hut-Sut Rawlson on the rillerah and a brawla, brawla sooit,
Hut-Sut Rawlson on the rillerah and a brawla sooit.

Actually I'm a big fan of Music Hall music - not necessarily listening to it, but performing it is certainly great fun. I went round to a series of old people's homes with some people at college - the idea being to provide some entertainment on a dull Wednesday. I didn't realise quite how much the music meant to them - it was truly moving, especially to hear their 1st hand accounts of the War(s plural in some cases!). I then joined a semi-pro theatre group that put on a couple of weeks of fully-fledged Music Hall with melodrama, compere, the works. It was a total scream! I particularly enjoyed the Can-Can, as I was persuaded to play the piano for that. Best seat in the house

A lot of the music is a straight development from Rag Time, and was "pop music" to several generations, not to mention social commentary, as a large proportion are about aspects of War.

I must have a think about those, Fitz and Danbo - you're digging up the more obscure ones now (well, they're obscure to me at any rate - but oddly familiar...).

er that first one is Mmm Bop by Hanson, isn't it?

 (I didn't have to think long to recollect that one. How embarrassing!)

Actually one of my favorite lyricists has always written the strangest stuff...Generally tho, once you knew how to read in between his lines, he became a lot more clearer...

"The sea goat casts Aquarian runes through beads of
    mirrored tears,
Suave pirates words of apricot crawl out of your veneer
Anoint your eyes with Midas' oil and make it still appear
Alladin's lamp is glowing bright transmuting panacea;
To fill your souls with sugared holes.
"Oh can't you hear" sang the sea goat "the nonsense
    makes me numb."
"It's near it's clear" sang the sea goat "we live to
    overcome,
The madman's voice and his nowhere choice,
The pain that drains like an endless day of rain."

The sea goat reads the flight of birds and writes upon the
    sand;
Gold waterfalls of autumn wheat slip through a pointing
    hand
Whose fingers stiff with sentences still beckon to the
    band
To play the "Best Foot Forward March" and deafen all
    the land.
With hollow words, it's so absurd!
"Take your stand" sang the sea goat "the night goes on
    and on."
"Unwrap your plans" sang the sea goat "tell everyone
    you've gone
To touch the earth and to see the birth
The smile, the style down an unspun mile of life."

It fills the air! It fills the air!
The song of the sea goat shaking in the domes
The song of the sea goat as endlessly he roams,
Between the sunset's crimson veil
On smooth grey streets where the drunkard spins his
    tale.

The sea goat sips and hurls his glass along the
    smoke-filled road
Where shuttered snakes of brakeless trains run aching
    with their load
Of spring-eyed, tonguetied, wooldyed lads who kiss the
    L-shaped goad
Which soon will smear their uniforms with blood,
    whitewash & woad.
Damn iron minded, gold braid blinded, officers and
    gentlemen!
"God!" sang the sea goat "is always on both sides."
"Change" sang the sea goat "is constant as the tides
"And this play" sang the sea goat "is strangely
    synthesised
When your part of a cast where the first comes last
Where the east goes west and the sun is burning out

And your part of a cast . . . . . ."

It is from Pete's solo album... but Greg only sang on the chorus of 1 of the songs.."Still". Of course, thats the best song on the album.. and a proving point that Greg had the best voice in the business.. When he comes in on that chorus... my knees generally give way....

Pete's lyrics have always gone from one extreme to the other.  For instance, he wrote those lyrics before that we were quoting as bad.. from "Love Beach".... "Taste of my Love".  But then he co-wrote the words to KE9 and Pirates.

But Pete's website is a very interesting place to hang out.. .http://www.songsouponsea.com/

I didn't mean Greg sang it, he was on it.....

I bought that years ago and went the way of my other LPs.... Used record store.

I didn't listen to it much, except the GL tune. I just remember that it was wierd.

Yeh, Greg actually showed up at Pete's one concert... and sang on the song with him... and Pete's album was on Manticore.. so there was a few connections. Even some of the lyrics he wrote were PFM were off the wall... its a good thing their English wasn't all that good then...