Prog Rock Jokes
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Category: Topics not related to music
Forum Name: Just for Fun
Forum Description: Participate in trivia and knowledge games, share jokes, etc.
URL: http://www.progarchives.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=8337
Printed Date: December 02 2024 at 16:36
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Topic: Prog Rock Jokes
Posted By: Tiresias
Subject: Prog Rock Jokes
Date Posted: July 03 2005 at 22:13
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List any jokes you know about prog. I'll start "how many prog bands does it take to screw in a light bulb?" "One, but it takes them 20 minutes to do it!" "If its on stage, make that 30 minutes so everyone can solo."
my apologies to Admins if this thread needs moved. ------------- Wh'ghal ng'fth mglw'y Ry'leh, Cthulhu fhtagn... 
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Replies:
Posted By: AbsentEnemy
Date Posted: July 03 2005 at 22:25
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This is from a list describing different sub-genres of metal in relation to a prince saving a princess from a dragon: PROGRESIVE METAL: the protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes....the dragon kills himself of the boring.....the protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the tecnics and tunes learned in the last year of the conservatory...the princess escape looking for the "heavy metal" protagonist ------------- "If the company of tumbleweed is unexpected fun, you're a cactus..." 
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Posted By: Man Overboard
Date Posted: July 03 2005 at 22:27
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My favorite prog rock joke? Rob Sowden.  I love the guy, but... ------------- https://soundcloud.com/erin-susan-jennings" rel="nofollow - Bedroom guitarist". Composer, Arranger, Producer. Perfection may not exist, but I may still choose to serve Perfection. Commissions considered. |
Posted By: Retrovertigo
Date Posted: July 03 2005 at 22:35
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I made this one up, take it any way you want it. "Where does a guy end up with a girl on her period?" "In the Court of the Crimson Queen." |
Posted By: NetsNJFan
Date Posted: July 03 2005 at 22:55
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Q: How do you spell pretentious? A: E - L - P.
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Posted By: Man Overboard
Date Posted: July 03 2005 at 22:59
Ah, yes. But how do you spell pretentious? 
------------- https://soundcloud.com/erin-susan-jennings" rel="nofollow - Bedroom guitarist". Composer, Arranger, Producer. Perfection may not exist, but I may still choose to serve Perfection. Commissions considered. |
Posted By: Single Coil
Date Posted: July 03 2005 at 23:03
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Not a prog joke, but it's all I got: Q: What's the difference between a bass player and a pizza? A: A pizza can feed a family of four !
------------- If it's worth playing, it's worth playing loud! |
Posted By: Man With Hat
Date Posted: July 03 2005 at 23:24
------------- Dig me...But don't...Bury me I'm running still, I shall until, one day, I hope that I'll arrive Warning: Listening to jazz excessively can cause a laxative effect. |
NetsNJFan wrote:Posted By: TheProgtologist
Date Posted: July 03 2005 at 23:26
-------------  |
Posted By: NetsNJFan
Date Posted: July 03 2005 at 23:51
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ha ha, I should have gone with POMPOUS instead -------------
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Posted By: Man Overboard
Date Posted: July 04 2005 at 00:07
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Q: How do you spell pretentious, as used by the music press? A: A-M-B-I-T-I-O-U-S  ------------- https://soundcloud.com/erin-susan-jennings" rel="nofollow - Bedroom guitarist". Composer, Arranger, Producer. Perfection may not exist, but I may still choose to serve Perfection. Commissions considered. |
Posted By: iguana
Date Posted: July 04 2005 at 04:16
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boy, do i dig these lightbulb jokes ... just don't get me
started, folks ... anway, since the shame is ALWAYS on the other side: how many record company execs does it take to change a lightbulb? 78. 1 who changes the lightbulb and 77 who require to be put on the guestlist for the occasion! music in general: Q_ what is the difference between a bull and an orchestra? A_ the bull has the horns in front and the asshole in the back. have a good week, everyone!!!!!!!!!!!! |
Posted By: tuxon
Date Posted: July 04 2005 at 04:22
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Why do so many people take an immediate dislike to progressive rock?
It saves time ------------- I'm always almost unlucky _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Id5ZcnjXSZaSMFMC Id5LM2q2jfqz3YxT |
Posted By: Dick Heath
Date Posted: July 04 2005 at 07:05
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What is the difference between a prog band's drummer & the band's tour bus? Very little, only : the bus carries them to gigs, and drummer carries them during the gig. (Or the anti-drummer joke: Who's the guy who hangs around with the band, the drummer........?) |
Posted By: Sean Trane
Date Posted: July 04 2005 at 08:03
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You might want to check the Lightbulb thread of some 9 months ago: http://www.progarchives.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=1889&KW=lightbulb - http://www.progarchives.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=1889&a mp;KW=lightbulb
How many Irish does it take to replace a lightbulb? One to replace it and ten others to sing his praises for doing so in front of a pint at the nearest pub?
------------- let's just stay above the moral melee prefer the sink to the gutter keep our sand-castle virtues content to be a doer as well as a thinker, prefer lifting our pen rather than un-sheath our sword |
Posted By: Salmacis72
Date Posted: July 04 2005 at 08:18
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How To Be a Great Progressive Rock Reviewer In 10 Easy Steps by Daniel Barrett Reviewing progressive rock albums can be simple. Are you tired of agonizing over the right words to use? Confused about your subject matter? Or are you just a lazy pig? Then use the following tips, and prog rockers everywhere will believe your every word. Trust me. Each tip is followed by an example so you can see exactly how it's done. In every review, you MUST praise the Mellotron. Always describe it using the word "wash". "Gentile Goyim's keyboardist, Kerry Mayonnaise, treats the listener to spectacular, warm washes of everybody's favorite Mellotron." FOR BONUS POINTS, also mention the Hammond B-3, and imply violence. "Greg Palmer's raw, two-fisted Hammond work pierces the listener's eardrums with sonic knives." EXTRA BONUS POINTS if you mention either of these instruments, and they don't actually appear in the music. "On the road, King Creampuff's keyboard setup consists of grand piano, harpsichord, and several analog synths, but strangely, no Mellotron." Any band that uses cello automatically gets a rave review. For bonus points, use the word "haunting." "As the music fades, a haunting solo cello appears out of nowhere, accompanied by a trio of Mellotrons, washing away." Subtract ten points if you compare the music to "Eleanor Rigby."
If the music has flute in it, compare it to Jethro Tull. It doesn't matter that the music is really death metal, chanting monks, or atonal birdsong: YOU MUST MENTION TULL. For extra points, mention Camel too. "Paraan's music features Hyperia Gomez on flute, inviting comparison to Jethro Tull or Camel, even though the flute's main use is as a handy mallet to bang several large gongs." You don't have to bother describing the music. Just list the instruments and let the reader imagine the rest. "From out of New Zealand comes Genghis Ka-Ka, one of the finest prog bands I've ever heard. If you are a fan of acoustic guitar, haunting cello, and explosive, annihilating Hammond B-3, you MUST check out this album." Mention the length of at least one song. Extra points if you call it an "opus." "Side 2 of the album is completely taken up by 'Ode to Bowser', a 22-minute magnum opus based on the theme from 'My Dog Has Fleas.'" Casually mention the name of an extremely obscure band that one of the musicians used to play in, making your reader feel REALLY stupid or disloyal for not knowing it. "... featuring Sergio Blammobarpher, whom fans will no doubt recall as the charismatic ex-triangle player from ubiquitous Icelandic proggers Hund Extinctski Thirstifollicle." THE CUNEFORM COROLLARY: put completely obscure band names in parentheses for extra points. "Rounding out the group's sound is Bridgid Kirsch (Dootwhapper, B'nai Gwelzh) on freshly washed Mellotron." The Syn-Phonic Rule: Praise every album by calling it the "best" example of a totally contrived category. Don't forget the exclamation points. "Museo Rubenstein, PASTAFAZOOL ($18). Possibly the ultimate Eskimo bassoon band of all time!!!! If a progressive album features very long, drawn-out, incredibly repetitive, boring instrumentals, call it "space music." "Space rockers Mimsy Borogoves specialize in atmospheric drones that last upwards of four hours before switching notes."
Use abbreviations known only to seasoned proggers. "Zyzzyva's music is a thrilling blend of PFM, HTM, RIO, TNR, ZNR, and PDQ Bach." Every keyboard/bass/drums trio MUST be compared to ELP. Every quiet, symphonic prog album MUST be compared to PER UN AMICO. All raw, loud music MUST be compared to King Crimson's RED. All counterpoint MUST be compared to Gentle Giant. Bonus points if it sounds nothing like Gentle Giant. Every "old Genesis style" band MUST be compared to Marillion, not Genesis. Every male vocalist with a high voice MUST be compared to Jon Anderson. Every female vocalist, regardless of range or style, MUST be compared to Annie Haslam. Every band that uses sudden, unpredictable tempo and time signature changes MUST be compared to Barry Manilow. "Angled Guard, Sweden's newest prog sensation, combines the beauty of PER UN AMICO with the rawness of RED, producing a progressive, symphonic extravaganza that could only have come from Marillion. Lead singers Jon Haslam and Annie Anderson are pictured on the album cover, inserting twin flutes up Barry Manilow's nose... taking the instrument far beyond anything Camel and Tull ever did." ------------- 
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Posted By: Tiresias
Date Posted: July 04 2005 at 08:59
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------------- Wh'ghal ng'fth mglw'y Ry'leh, Cthulhu fhtagn...
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Posted By: gdub411
Date Posted: July 04 2005 at 09:20
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What's the difference between a girl who likes prog-rock and a fish?
One is smelly and has whiskers and the other is a fish. |
Posted By: Arsillus
Date Posted: July 04 2005 at 11:47
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Posted By: Jim Garten
Date Posted: July 04 2005 at 12:36
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Salmacis72 -
And indeed  ------------- 
Jon Lord 1941 - 2012 |
Posted By: Man With Hat
Date Posted: July 05 2005 at 21:05
I've heard that...except it was a bit more racial than that, if you know what i'm saying.... ------------- Dig me...But don't...Bury me I'm running still, I shall until, one day, I hope that I'll arrive Warning: Listening to jazz excessively can cause a laxative effect. |
Posted By: nousommedusolei
Date Posted: July 06 2005 at 03:35
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How many dirty stinking apes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three. One dirty stinking ape to screw in the lightbulb, and the other dirty stinking apes to throw feces at 'im. heh. ------------- I don't believe in demons I don't believe in devils I only believe in you |
Posted By: Sean Trane
Date Posted: July 06 2005 at 05:36
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How do you manage for your guitar player to play not as loud? Put tablatures in front of him. ------------- let's just stay above the moral melee prefer the sink to the gutter keep our sand-castle virtues content to be a doer as well as a thinker, prefer lifting our pen rather than un-sheath our sword |
Posted By: Carakhallo
Date Posted: July 06 2005 at 06:10
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This one is from my band drummer: Imagine a near future.... Bruford and Collins going to "The best drummer in the world" contest. They both are sure they are going to win... but suddenly Ringo Starr appears on stage, 75 years old, with arthritis and alzheimer. Of course, they both return home, since they know they can't win.... |
Posted By: Carakhallo
Date Posted: July 06 2005 at 06:16
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Also from the same drummer guy. Many people think that, compared to the
greatest drummers, Pat Masteloto, Allan White and Cozy Powell are just
crap. So here it goes... Masteloto, White and Powell going to a drum juggling contest.... mmmmm... I think I forgot the end... how was it...?... bass-snare-bass-snare-bass-snare...? (Sorry, I don't know how does a drum kit sound in english...) |
Posted By: Jim Garten
Date Posted: July 06 2005 at 07:28
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Hmmmm - the thread seems to have been taken over by drummer jokes.
Back to prog-rock jokes (however bad): Q - What do you call three dozen copies of 'The Sentinel' by Pallas in an incinerator? A - A good start. -------------
Jon Lord 1941 - 2012 |
Posted By: Cygnus X-2
Date Posted: July 06 2005 at 19:32
If only that was used during the ELP vs. Rush wars a few months ago. ------------- 
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Posted By: yesman72
Date Posted: July 18 2005 at 19:24
Salmacis72 is a frikkin genius!!!!!!!!!! 
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Posted By: nimrodel
Date Posted: July 20 2005 at 11:39
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http://www.metalstorm.ee/fun/view_fun.php?id=18 - http://www.metalstorm.ee/fun/view_fun.php?id=18 ------------- We want... a shrubbery! |
Posted By: Pablo_P
Date Posted: July 21 2005 at 04:25
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^ 101 rules of progmetal... GREAT ------------- Pablo P. |
Posted By: tuxon
Date Posted: July 21 2005 at 05:13
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Ok, one Dream theater joke for the persistent crowd. How do you know Petrucci is playing a solo.
turn the volume up to hearable (not recommended) ------------- I'm always almost unlucky _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Id5ZcnjXSZaSMFMC Id5LM2q2jfqz3YxT |
Posted By: AtomHeartMother
Date Posted: July 23 2005 at 00:34
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What does Dale Earnhardt & Pink Floyd have in common? "Who was told not to spit in the fan?" Roger Waters, but he did it anyway, ruining everything and causing The Wall to be made. Not to funny but thats all I had as far as prog jokes
------------- "http://tinypic.com""> 
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Posted By: kingofbizzare
Date Posted: July 23 2005 at 22:18
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You're in a room with Hitler, Mussolini, and Kenny G. You have a gun with two bullets in it. What do you do? Shoot Kenny G twice. ------------- http://www.last.fm/user/kingofbizzare/?chartstyle=asimpleblue5"> 
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Posted By: Man With Hat
Date Posted: July 23 2005 at 22:53
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------------- Dig me...But don't...Bury me I'm running still, I shall until, one day, I hope that I'll arrive Warning: Listening to jazz excessively can cause a laxative effect. |
Posted By: stonebeard
Date Posted: July 24 2005 at 22:04
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hilarious ------------- http://soundcloud.com/drewagler" rel="nofollow - My soundcloud. Please give feedback if you want! |
Posted By: Rapataz
Date Posted: July 25 2005 at 18:11
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Ok this one is in german I dont know whether it works in English maybe someone can help sagt ein Jazz Drummer zu einem Metal Drummer: Hab mir grad neue Besen Für mein Schlagzeug gekauft Metal Drummer: cool machst du dir auch deine Sticks selber ------------- www.myspace.com/rasayanaband |
Posted By: chopper
Date Posted: August 01 2005 at 16:25
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My favourite prog rock joke A guy goes on holiday to a remote Pacific island. When he steps off the plane he can hear drums playing in the background. He says to the steward "what are the drums for?". The steward just says "when drums stop, very very bad". He goes his hotel, where he can still hear the drums. He says to the receptionist "what are the drums for?". The receptionist just says "when drums stop, very very bad". He tries to sleep that night, but can still hear the drums. After a couple of sleepless hours, he goes down to reception to complain. He says to the receptionist "what are the drums for?". The receptionist just says "when drums stop, very very bad". The guy says "Why, what happens when the drums stop?" The receptionist says "When drums stop, bass solo starts!" No offence to bass players - I am one. |
Posted By: Jim Garten
Date Posted: August 04 2005 at 14:00
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Q - What's the definition of crowded?
A - A serving hatch full of journalists trying to escape a Ken Hensley moog solo. -------------
Jon Lord 1941 - 2012 |