Punch & Judy
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Category: Topics not related to music
Forum Name: General discussions
Forum Description: Discuss any topic at all that is not music-related
URL: http://www.progarchives.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=774
Printed Date: November 23 2024 at 07:43
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Topic: Punch & Judy
Posted By: Velvetclown
Subject: Punch & Judy
Date Posted: May 13 2004 at 00:27
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Welcome to the Punch & Judy show. Jim and myself started this little insult show jesterday by accident and here you can contribute your best insults. No faul language please or else Mr. Maaniaque will come down on you, like a ton of bricks !!!!!!!! http://www.animationfactory.com/free/war/bombs_variant_page_dynamite_bomb.html"> Have fun !! http://www.animationfactory.com/free/science/sun_variant_page_sun_playing_with_beach_ball.html">
Ok Jim I believe Itīs my turn eh ? Better at sex than anyone, now all he needs is a partner. ------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
http://www.animationfactory.com/free/creatures/devils_variant_page_devil_pointing_right.html - http://www.animationfactory.com/free/sports/soccer_variant_page_soccer_ref_red_card.html - 
Replies:
Posted By: Certif1ed
Date Posted: May 13 2004 at 02:24
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Propping up a bar, family car
Thine breath stinks with eating toasted cheese, thou reeky scurvy-valiant mumble-news! (Attributed to Shakespeare...)
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Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: May 13 2004 at 02:32
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Can I borrow your face for a few days, while my ass is on vacation? ------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: Certif1ed
Date Posted: May 13 2004 at 02:42
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You want a match? How about YOUR face, MY ass!!!
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Posted By: Jim Garten
Date Posted: May 13 2004 at 02:58
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Don't let your mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own ------------- 
Jon Lord 1941 - 2012 |
Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: May 13 2004 at 03:08
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Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date. ------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: Jim Garten
Date Posted: May 13 2004 at 03:17
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If music be the food of love, play on...... But with an instrument like yours, you're lucky to be in the band! -------------
Jon Lord 1941 - 2012 |
Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: May 13 2004 at 03:29
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Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma. ------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: Jim Garten
Date Posted: May 13 2004 at 03:49
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I'd engage in a battle of wits with you, but I'd never attack an unarmed man -------------
Jon Lord 1941 - 2012 |
Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: May 13 2004 at 05:26
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If idiots could fly, this would be an airport. ------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: Jim Garten
Date Posted: May 13 2004 at 07:55
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Keep talking - some day you may say something intelligent
And if we're on the subject of old classics....... Yes, I'm drunk, but you are ugly - tomorrow, I shall be sober! -------------
Jon Lord 1941 - 2012 |
Posted By: Jim Garten
Date Posted: May 13 2004 at 08:15
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Come on!
Anyone else? - I'm running out of insults. -------------
Jon Lord 1941 - 2012 |
Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: May 13 2004 at 08:21
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If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean. ------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: May 13 2004 at 08:30
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Well Jim they are either sleeping Iīm not : I don't hold your behaviour against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement.
------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
or perhaps theyīre very nice people. Posted By: Jim Garten
Date Posted: May 13 2004 at 08:47
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.................... Sorry, I was miles away.......... I was trying to imagine you with a personality. -------------
Jon Lord 1941 - 2012 |
Posted By: Certif1ed
Date Posted: May 13 2004 at 09:04
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Oh - was that a joke? Laugh? I nearly DID. |
Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: May 13 2004 at 09:38
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Do you have to leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea. ------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: Jim Garten
Date Posted: May 14 2004 at 06:47
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When God was handing out the brains, you were getting a second helping of ego -------------
Jon Lord 1941 - 2012 |
Posted By: Certif1ed
Date Posted: May 14 2004 at 06:48
| When God was handing out the brains, you thought he said "trains" and got a slow one... |
Posted By: Jim Garten
Date Posted: May 14 2004 at 07:48
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You never f++t, because your mouth's never closed long enough to build up pressure -------------
Jon Lord 1941 - 2012 |
Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: May 14 2004 at 09:29
 Iīm so tired ............but you wait all ye pommy bastards ....------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: Certif1ed
Date Posted: May 14 2004 at 09:46
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You see that Eddie the Eagle Edwards? That's you that is! (if you don't get it, go to http://www.tmwe.co.uk - www.tmwe.co.uk and download the History Today videos - they'll crack you up!) |
Posted By: dude
Date Posted: May 14 2004 at 10:00
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I NEVER FORGET A FACE BUT IN JIMS CASE I WILL MAKE AN EXCEPTION!! |
Posted By: Jim Garten
Date Posted: May 14 2004 at 11:10
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Sorry Dude, I'm busy at the moment; can I ignore you some other time? -------------
Jon Lord 1941 - 2012 |
Posted By: Peter
Date Posted: May 15 2004 at 08:58
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Velvet, did your mother have any children that lived? ------------- "And, has thou slain the Jabberwock? Come to my arms, my beamish boy! O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!' He chortled in his joy. |
Posted By: dude
Date Posted: May 15 2004 at 09:31
| ^now i know why some animals eat their young!! |
Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: May 15 2004 at 10:43
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You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesn't like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you. ------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: May 15 2004 at 10:44
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You spent so much time trying to get rid of that halitosis, only to find out that you are not popular anyway. ------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: May 15 2004 at 10:45
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Hey! I know what sign you were born under! RED LIGHT DISTRICT! ------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: May 15 2004 at 10:48
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I bet your mother has a loud bark! ------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: Jim Garten
Date Posted: May 17 2004 at 03:12
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The reason you stink so bad, is in order that blind people can despise you, too!
It's an oldie, but a goodie... -------------
Jon Lord 1941 - 2012 |
Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: May 17 2004 at 03:15
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Has reached rock bottom and shows signs of starting to dig.
I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works! ------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: Jim Garten
Date Posted: May 17 2004 at 11:12
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You've been looking at this site....
http://jokes.hotplugins.com/cgi-bin/2185/compjokes.cgi?catid =12 Haven't you........ -------------
Jon Lord 1941 - 2012 |
Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: May 17 2004 at 11:33
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So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey. Sorry but youīre wrong Jim, donīt burn braincells for no reason. ------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: May 17 2004 at 11:34
Women want mediocre men, and Jim is working hard to become as mediocre as possible.  ------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: Certif1ed
Date Posted: May 17 2004 at 12:26
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So Velvet, how much does a lobotomy cost these days? I'm only asking 'coz Jim wants one too... /ducks and runs away quickly...
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Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: May 17 2004 at 13:32
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Thou artless spur-galled apple-john... Thou fawning clapper-clawed moldwarp... Thou warped spur-galled varlet... Thou saucy fen-sucked pumpion... Thou spongy pottle-deep harpy... ------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: Certif1ed
Date Posted: May 18 2004 at 07:28
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I don' wanna talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food-trough wiper! I f http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001"> Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt... ...of elderberries!!! |
t in your general direction! 
http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001 - Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: May 18 2004 at 09:57
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You don't frighten me, English pig-dog! Go and boil your bottom, son of a silly person. I blow my nose at you !!!!!!!!!!! ------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: Jim Garten
Date Posted: May 18 2004 at 10:08
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I wave my private parts at your aunties, you silly King.......
Now b***er off, Arthur King, you and all your silly English Knnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnigts -------------
Jon Lord 1941 - 2012 |
Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: May 18 2004 at 10:41
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Oh, what a give-away. Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That's what I'm on about. Did you see him repressing me? You saw it, didn't you? ------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: dude
Date Posted: May 18 2004 at 10:53
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IN MY TIME ON THIS FORUM I HAVE TRIED TO STAY AWAY FROM CLICHED BORING AND PREDICTABLE PYTHON ROUTINES BUT I FART IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION!!! YOUR MOTHER WAS A HAMSTER AND YOUR FATHER SMELT OF ELDERBERRYS!!! |
Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: May 18 2004 at 14:01
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------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: Certif1ed
Date Posted: May 18 2004 at 14:26
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Oh No!! What idiot started off the Python quotes...
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Posted By: Joren
Date Posted: May 18 2004 at 15:31
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We no longer are the knights who say "Ni!" We are NOW the knights who say: "Icky icky icky phTHANG ZOOOOOOOOOOO PONG grmblgrmbl!!!!" |
Posted By: dude
Date Posted: May 19 2004 at 01:30
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CAMELOT!!!!!!! ITS ONLY A MODEL!! WE EAT HAM AND JAM AND SPAMALOT!!!!
http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb037"> |
Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: May 19 2004 at 01:33
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Back on track : A guy with your IQ should have a low voice too! ------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: May 19 2004 at 01:34
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He is dark and handsome. When it's dark, he's handsome. ------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: Certif1ed
Date Posted: May 19 2004 at 02:43
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Women like their men like their hot chocolate - strong, rich and thick. Good news!!! - You've only got the Strong and Rich bits to sort out and women will fall at your feet!! |
Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: May 19 2004 at 02:53
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I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo. ------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: May 19 2004 at 02:54
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I'd like to leave you with one thought...but I'm not sure you have a place to put it! ------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: May 20 2004 at 07:34
 ------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: Certif1ed
Date Posted: June 10 2004 at 08:05
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I think it's time for some regressive humour therapy... ***Bumpitty Bumpitty Bump!!!*** Judging by the music you listen to, I can tell you have van Gogh's ear...
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Posted By: Certif1ed
Date Posted: June 10 2004 at 16:06
| I went to see Brittney Spears, and liked what she did so much, I decided to write some music to go with it... |
Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: June 16 2004 at 02:12
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There is no such thing as an underestimate of average intelligence. ------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: June 16 2004 at 02:14
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It is quite untrue that British people don't appreciate music. They may not understand it but they absolutely love the noise it makes. ------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: June 16 2004 at 02:17
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To be stupid, selfish, an have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost. ------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: June 16 2004 at 02:19
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When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other. ------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: June 16 2004 at 02:20
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Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad. ------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: Joren
Date Posted: June 16 2004 at 07:16
| What do you mean, carrots? |
Posted By: Certif1ed
Date Posted: June 16 2004 at 08:46
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In the same way that "Carats" are a measurement of weight for gold, "Carrots" are a measurement by which one weighs a quantity of Jackassedness. So if I were to say (purely by way of example of course) that you were a 9-carrot Jackass, it would mean that you're a Jackass, and contain a high level of impurity... http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001"> http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001"> |
Joren wrote:
Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: June 23 2004 at 02:31
 ------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: Certif1ed
Date Posted: June 23 2004 at 03:31
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Posted By: Joren
Date Posted: June 24 2004 at 15:50
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zero carrots flat jackass! TIRED! (literally) |
Posted By: emdiar
Date Posted: July 28 2004 at 04:50
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You've all got ginger pubes! ------------- Perception is truth, ergo opinion is fact. |
Posted By: Jim Garten
Date Posted: July 30 2004 at 03:23
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That's a bit strong isn't it - there's no need to be that offensive! -------------
Jon Lord 1941 - 2012 |
Posted By: Dan Bobrowski
Date Posted: July 30 2004 at 11:36
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I prefer my pubes with some soy sauce and wasabi to go with the ginger. |
Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: August 03 2004 at 08:18
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You son of a BEACH !!!!
------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: Jim Garten
Date Posted: August 03 2004 at 08:58
Hmmm - there's got to be a joke here somewhere about ginger being a smelly root....  -------------
Jon Lord 1941 - 2012 |
Posted By: Dan Bobrowski
Date Posted: August 03 2004 at 11:03
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MDR, What movie was that from. My tired old mind is frying. |
Posted By: Jim Garten
Date Posted: August 03 2004 at 11:15
-------------
Jon Lord 1941 - 2012 |
Posted By: Dan Bobrowski
Date Posted: August 03 2004 at 13:13
I remember it from something, who knows.... |
Posted By: emdiar
Date Posted: August 04 2004 at 17:16
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Jim has it! Mathew, (playing Trivial Pursuit): "Which colour pubic hair is most likely to induce a bout of vomiting?" Martin "ginger t**ser" Henson: "Claire used to call it her little pink stick of ginger candy floss....." Mathew: "Uuuuuurrrgggggggghhh!!"
------------- Perception is truth, ergo opinion is fact. |
Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: August 05 2004 at 09:44
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Thatīs just dentalfloss for cheapskates.
------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: Certif1ed
Date Posted: August 06 2004 at 16:28
My teeth need cleaning and I'm broke...
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Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: August 07 2004 at 08:53
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Poor man
------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |
Posted By: NyghtOwl
Date Posted: August 07 2004 at 18:38
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You, my friend must be congratulated on your status... Worlds First Living Brain Donor
------------- Life is a beach... How come I'm not on it? |
Posted By: Certif1ed
Date Posted: August 08 2004 at 16:13
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Don't knock Velve - he's the only man I know who's offered to donate his brain forty-seven times... The last time was to someone who thought he said "train", and only agreed to take it because it was a slow one... |
Posted By: Velvetclown
Date Posted: August 09 2004 at 06:00
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Very true Certi-fried Who needs a brain anyway, it only gets you into trouble  and listening to difficult music like the Bay City Rollers  or Sweet  ------------- Billy Connolly Dream Theater Terry Gilliam Hagen Quartet Jethro Tull Mike Keneally |