Know any quick jokes?
Printed From: Progarchives.com
Category: Topics not related to music
Forum Name: Just for Fun
Forum Description: Participate in trivia and knowledge games, share jokes, etc.
URL: http://www.progarchives.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=71100
Printed Date: December 11 2024 at 19:38
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 11.01 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Know any quick jokes?
Posted By: Rabid
Subject: Know any quick jokes?
Date Posted: September 07 2010 at 20:16
|
List your favourite quick joke.
Q : Which one of the Marx Brothers had the dirtiest underpants ?
A : Skid.
(apparently, they was so bad, he was never allowed to be in any of their films).
 ------------- "...the thing IS, to put a motor in yourself..." |
Replies:
Posted By: NecronCommander
Date Posted: September 07 2010 at 20:17
|
Two muffins sitting in an oven, right? One muffin says to the other, "Wow, it sure is hot in here." Says the other muffin: "Holy f*ck, a talking muffin!" -------------  
|
Posted By: JJLehto
Date Posted: September 07 2010 at 20:19
|
Knock knock *gun blast* |
Posted By: Falx
Date Posted: September 08 2010 at 00:55
|
Justin Bieber.
------------- "You must go beyond the limit of the limit of your limits!" - Mr. Doctor "It is our duty as men and women to proceed as though the limits of our abilities do not exist." - Pierre Teilhard de Chardin |
Posted By: jenniferallain
Date Posted: September 08 2010 at 01:19
Yeah right.. Really funny indeed..  ------------- http://www.objecthiddengames.com - hidden object games http://www.onlinephysicsgames.com - physics games |
NecronCommander wrote:Posted By: JJLehto
Date Posted: September 08 2010 at 01:20
Damn it. Winner |
Posted By: Falx
Date Posted: September 08 2010 at 03:15
|
Spotted on Miss Cellania's blog today... Grammar is important. Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse. ------------- "You must go beyond the limit of the limit of your limits!" - Mr. Doctor "It is our duty as men and women to proceed as though the limits of our abilities do not exist." - Pierre Teilhard de Chardin |
Posted By: SaltyJon
Date Posted: September 08 2010 at 09:48
|
Two men walked into a bar. The third one walked home.
------------- http://www.last.fm/user/Salty_Jon" rel="nofollow"> 
|
Posted By: CPicard
Date Posted: September 08 2010 at 12:48
|
You want a short joke? Okay. Want another one? |
Posted By: RoeDent
Date Posted: September 08 2010 at 17:37
|
Two men walked into a bar. They both wanted a lager. The bartender said 'Alright then' and gave them their drinks. |
Posted By: Conor Fynes
Date Posted: September 08 2010 at 17:47
|
Why did the salad eat the sandwich?
Because he was hungry?
|
Posted By: zappaholic
Date Posted: September 08 2010 at 19:23
|
A guy walks into a bar. *KLUNK* ------------- "Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard." -- H.L. Mencken |
Posted By: Adams Bolero
Date Posted: September 08 2010 at 21:46
|
Q: Why did the student leave the maths study group.
A: He found it difficult to integrate. ------------- ''Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.'' - Albert Camus |
Posted By: SaltyJon
Date Posted: September 08 2010 at 21:49
|
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9! ------------- http://www.last.fm/user/Salty_Jon" rel="nofollow">
|
Posted By: irrelevant
Date Posted: September 09 2010 at 05:51
|
The other day I turned into the girl from 'The Exorcist'.
That was a head turner.
|
Posted By: Mr. Maestro
Date Posted: September 09 2010 at 13:37
|
Guy 2 is standing at street corner with a dog. Guy 1 walks up.
Guy 1 asks Guy 2, "Does your dog bite?"
Guy 2 says, "No."
Guy 1 reaches down to pet the dog. The dog bites his hand.
Guy 1 says to Guy 2, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!"
Guy 2 says to Guy 1, "That's not my dog." ------------- "I am the one who crossed through space...or stayed where I was...or didn't exist in the first place...." |
Posted By: Formentera Lady
Date Posted: September 09 2010 at 16:24
|
A plane full of Polish tourists flies in over New York. The steward says: "On the left side you can see the Statue of Liberty." Then the plane crashes into the sea. Why? Answer: Too many Poles on the left half of the plane. (Ok, this is for mathematicians only...) |
Posted By: Mr. Maestro
Date Posted: September 09 2010 at 16:36
|
(Joke for physicists only)
Two hydrogen atoms are walking down the street. One of them says to the other, "I think I lost an electron!"
The other one says, "Are you sure?"
So the first one responds, "Yeah! I'm positive!" ------------- "I am the one who crossed through space...or stayed where I was...or didn't exist in the first place...." |
Posted By: irrelevant
Date Posted: September 10 2010 at 02:05
|
The camera got angry and broke.
What a loose canon.
|
Posted By: CPicard
Date Posted: September 11 2010 at 12:35
|
- My dog has no nose. - How does he smell? - Awful. |
Posted By: tuxon
Date Posted: September 11 2010 at 13:22
|
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
------------- I'm always almost unlucky _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Id5ZcnjXSZaSMFMC Id5LM2q2jfqz3YxT |
Posted By: zappaholic
Date Posted: September 11 2010 at 13:24
|
Wenn ist das Nunstuck git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput! ------------- "Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard." -- H.L. Mencken |
Posted By: TheGazzardian
Date Posted: September 11 2010 at 13:29
|
Why do beach combers never get hungry? Because of all the sand which is there! (sound it out)
|
Posted By: Formentera Lady
Date Posted: September 11 2010 at 18:16
|
What do you get if a piano falls down a mine shaft? A flat minor. (Jon Anderson on the live Yes Acoustic DVD) |
Posted By: Adams Bolero
Date Posted: September 11 2010 at 18:34
------------- ''Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.'' - Albert Camus |
Posted By: The Runaway
Date Posted: September 12 2010 at 06:30
 ------------- http://www.formspring.me/Aragorn224" rel="nofollow - Trendsetter win! The search for nonexistent perfection. |
Posted By: paganinio
Date Posted: September 12 2010 at 10:19
 finally i know why Wish You Were Here is a timeless album... because it doesn't have the song "Time" on it. I started a new thread for this joke because I didn't see this thread........ ------------- 
|
Posted By: tuxon
Date Posted: September 12 2010 at 16:23
Show me the humor and I will laugh.
any way.
a boy walks into a bar. he didn't listen to all the guys shouting "watch out you are walking into a bar". so he had a percusion, and a terrible headache to accompagny it. but the butterfly said to him thank you very much. and than the boy was still very grateful that although he had a serious enjury at least he did something to make a bug be gratefull to him. ------------- I'm always almost unlucky _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Id5ZcnjXSZaSMFMC Id5LM2q2jfqz3YxT |
Posted By: presdoug
Date Posted: September 12 2010 at 18:40
|
How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb? IT DOESN'T MATTER!!!! |
Posted By: zappaholic
Date Posted: September 12 2010 at 19:10
Not a Monty Python fan, I take it? /it's from the Killer Joke sketch ------------- "Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard." -- H.L. Mencken |
Posted By: presdoug
Date Posted: September 12 2010 at 21:40
|
A dyslexic agnostic asks himself- Is there a dog? what do you get when you drop a grand piano on top of an army base? A flat major |
Posted By: The Monodrone
Date Posted: September 12 2010 at 22:20
|
Why did the chicken cross the road? -------------  
|
Posted By: The Runaway
Date Posted: September 13 2010 at 02:24
A man walks into a bar. Drinks 5 or 6 beers and goes back to his car and drives home. On his way home he crashes his car into a truck and dies. Don't drink and drive... Oh! Oops, wrong thread ------------- http://www.formspring.me/Aragorn224" rel="nofollow - Trendsetter win! The search for nonexistent perfection. |
Posted By: zappaholic
Date Posted: September 13 2010 at 20:25
|
How many militant feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? One, and there's nothing funny about it! ------------- "Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard." -- H.L. Mencken |
Posted By: DisgruntledPorcupine
Date Posted: September 13 2010 at 22:16
|
Posted By: Slartibartfast
Date Posted: September 16 2010 at 18:20
|
I
met a genie who would grant me one wish "I want to live forever," I said. "Sorry" said the genie, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that!" "Fine," I said, "I want to die after the Democrats grow some balls!" "You crafty b*****d," said the genie. ------------- Released date are often when it it impacted you but recorded dates are when it really happened... 
|
Posted By: presdoug
Date Posted: September 17 2010 at 09:46
|
Did you hear about the prostitute that joined the military? She assumed a new position |
Posted By: irrelevant
Date Posted: September 17 2010 at 10:48
Army Intelligence
 ------------- https://gabebuller.bandcamp.com/" rel="nofollow - New album! http://www.progarchives.com/artist.asp?id=7385" rel="nofollow - http://www.progarchives.com/artist.asp?id=7385 |
Posted By: AtomicCrimsonRush
Date Posted: September 22 2010 at 07:18
|
2 elephants fell off a cliff
BOOM BOOM!
------------- 
|
Posted By: Luna
Date Posted: September 22 2010 at 07:25
|
How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? 12. 1 to change it, 11 to say "The first lightbulb was better!" |
Posted By: presdoug
Date Posted: September 23 2010 at 16:52
|
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change |
Posted By: presdoug
Date Posted: September 25 2010 at 16:11
|
what do you call a guy who pours his beer into a forty pound beer stein? A heavy drinker |
Posted By: Deleuze
Date Posted: September 25 2010 at 23:11
|
Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
------------- 
|
Posted By: tuxon
Date Posted: September 26 2010 at 05:28
|
Q: What do you call a person who plays the viola? A: A violator. ------------- I'm always almost unlucky _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Id5ZcnjXSZaSMFMC Id5LM2q2jfqz3YxT |
Posted By: tuxon
Date Posted: September 26 2010 at 05:35
|
The organ is the instrument of worship for in its sounding we sense the majesty of God and in its ending we know the Grace of God. ------------- I'm always almost unlucky _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Id5ZcnjXSZaSMFMC Id5LM2q2jfqz3YxT |
Posted By: The Runaway
Date Posted: November 04 2010 at 15:50
------------- http://www.formspring.me/Aragorn224" rel="nofollow - Trendsetter win! The search for nonexistent perfection. |
Posted By: SaltyJon
Date Posted: November 04 2010 at 15:51
|
*Knock Knock* NO ONE'S HOME. ------------- http://www.last.fm/user/Salty_Jon" rel="nofollow">
|
Posted By: Slartibartfast
Date Posted: January 19 2011 at 18:26
|
Quote of the Day "The RNC elected Reince Priebusas chairman. 'Reince Priebus' is also the name of a car Jay Leno drives." -- Letterman ------------- Released date are often when it it impacted you but recorded dates are when it really happened...
|
Posted By: Luna
Date Posted: January 19 2011 at 19:00
 ------------- https://aprilmaymarch.bandcamp.com/track/the-badger" rel="nofollow"> 
|
Posted By: The Truth
Date Posted: January 19 2011 at 22:16
|
Quick joke? Two words:
DREAM THEATER
 ------------- http://blindpoetrecords.bandcamp.com/" rel="nofollow">  
|
Posted By: Anthony H.
Date Posted: January 19 2011 at 23:24
|
A man walks into a bar. He's an alcoholic and it's destroying his family.
-------------  |
Posted By: AtomicCrimsonRush
Date Posted: January 28 2011 at 09:32
|
2 elephants fall off a cliff...
BOOM BOOM -------------
|
Posted By: CPicard
Date Posted: January 28 2011 at 09:41
| Is it a quick joke thread or an anti-joke thread? |
Posted By: Rottenhat
Date Posted: January 28 2011 at 12:10
|
antilol ------------- Language is a virus from outer space. -William S. Burroughs |
Posted By: AtomicCrimsonRush
Date Posted: February 04 2011 at 23:39
|
How many teenagers does it take to change a lightbulb?
One to hold the lightbulb and then they can expect the world to revolve around them.
How many Irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
100. One to hold the light bulb and 99 to revolve the room.
How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
What's a lightbulb?
|
Posted By: CPicard
Date Posted: February 05 2011 at 05:38
| I wonder: how many teenage blonde Irish girls does it take to change a lightbulb? |
Posted By: Slartibartfast
Date Posted: February 05 2011 at 07:47
One but she really need to want to change into a psychiatrist. ------------- Released date are often when it it impacted you but recorded dates are when it really happened...
|
Posted By: refugee
Date Posted: February 05 2011 at 12:46
|
What happens when you play a blues backwards? They let you out of jail, your girlfriend comes back to you and your dog gets alive again. ------------- He say nothing is quite what it seems; I say nothing is nothing (Peter Hammill) |
Posted By: Tapfret
Date Posted: February 05 2011 at 23:44
None: If the lightbulb won't change itself to be more like them they will get drunk, ridicule it and get tricked by it into unprotected sex. ------------- https://www.last.fm/user/Tapfret" rel="nofollow">  https://bandcamp.com/tapfret" rel="nofollow - Bandcamp |
Posted By: clarke2001
Date Posted: February 06 2011 at 03:07
What's written on blues musician's gravestone? I didn't wake up this morning. ------------- |
Posted By: Slartibartfast
Date Posted: July 27 2011 at 19:22
|
"Last night, I got Chinese food and the fortune cookie said, 'Where's my
money?'" –Craig Ferguson
------------- Released date are often when it it impacted you but recorded dates are when it really happened...
|
Posted By: zappaholic
Date Posted: July 27 2011 at 19:40
|
How many actors does it take to change a lightbulb? 100. One to change the bulb and 99 to stand there and say "I could have done that." How many people does it take to change a lightbulb in Oregon? One to change the bulb, and 50,000 hippies to come up from California to "share the experience". If Pro is the opposite of Con, what's the opposite of the Constitution? ------------- "Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard." -- H.L. Mencken |
Posted By: thellama73
Date Posted: July 27 2011 at 20:14
|
What's brown and sticky? A stick. ------------- 
|
Posted By: EchidnasArf
Date Posted: July 28 2011 at 03:13
|
Corduroy pillows: they're making headlines! HA! ha.. yeah. ------------- http://didyouseethosebats.bandcamp.com/" rel="nofollow - Did You See Those Bats? (a few songs from my band's live radio show) 
|
Posted By: AtomicCrimsonRush
Date Posted: July 31 2011 at 03:25
|
2 elephants fall off a cliff...
BOOM BOOM! -------------
|
Posted By: N-sz
Date Posted: July 31 2011 at 11:37
|
"I saw a hitchhiker holding a sign that said "heaven", so I hit him." -Steven Wright
|
Posted By: Earendil
Date Posted: July 31 2011 at 16:10
|
What did the big buffalo say to the little buffalo when he left for work? Bison.
|
Posted By: Sheavy
Date Posted: July 31 2011 at 16:12
------------- 
|
Posted By: Vompatti
Date Posted: July 31 2011 at 16:23
|
Here's one: You missed it! HAHAHAHHA HA HAHAH HA HA HA H HAH HA HAH AHHA HA HA HAH AHAHAHAH HAH AH AH HAH A HH AH AH AHAHAH AH HAH HA HA HAH AHA HA HAH AHHA HAHHAH HA HAHHA AHHA HAH AH HAH AHA H AHAH AHH AHA HAH AH AHAH HAH HAHHAHA HAHA HAAHAH AHA HAH AH AH HAHHA HAHA HAHA H AHAH A AHA H AHA AH AH AH AH AH AHAHA HAHAHAH AHAHHAAHAH HA HAHAH HA HAH AH AHHA HA HAH HA HAH AHAH AH AHAHHA HAHA HAHA AHHA AHHAH AHHAHAH HAHAHHAHAHAH AHAHAH HAH HA HA HA HA ! ! ! ! 1 ! !!1 1 1 1 1 1 11 !1 1 1 11 111!! 1! ! !! !! 1 1 1 !1 ! !! 1 11! ! !! !1 !!11 ! ! 1! ! ! ! 11 ! !! !1 1
|
Posted By: Andy Webb
Date Posted: July 31 2011 at 16:25
Similar one: "Let's eat, Gramma!" and "Let's eat Gramma!" Grammer. It saves Lives. ------------- http://ow.ly/8ymqg" rel="nofollow">  
|
Posted By: moreitsythanyou
Date Posted: July 31 2011 at 16:45
|
What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer? "We are both lawyers." -------------  <font color=white>butts, lol[/COLOR] |
Posted By: presdoug
Date Posted: July 31 2011 at 16:54
|
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change. How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb? IT DOESN'T MATTER!! What was the name of the communist Beatle's fan? John Lenin Did you hear about the hooker that joined the military? She assumed a new position. |
Posted By: presdoug
Date Posted: July 31 2011 at 17:00
| "You know, i have a joke that's so quick tha-" |
Posted By: Andy Webb
Date Posted: July 31 2011 at 17:18
that's awesome ------------- http://ow.ly/8ymqg" rel="nofollow">
|
Posted By: AtomicCrimsonRush
Date Posted: August 01 2011 at 05:31
|
groaners here
another...
knock knock
whos there
centipede
centipede who
'Santa peed' down the chimney -------------
|
Posted By: presdoug
Date Posted: August 01 2011 at 10:42
|
what do you get when you drop a Grand Piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor You know what they say about Hitler? the fewer the better |
Posted By: Luna
Date Posted: August 01 2011 at 11:31
GRAMMAR ------------- https://aprilmaymarch.bandcamp.com/track/the-badger" rel="nofollow">
|
Posted By: The Truth
Date Posted: August 01 2011 at 11:41
|
Here's one: 1 ------------- http://blindpoetrecords.bandcamp.com/" rel="nofollow">
|
Posted By: AtomicCrimsonRush
Date Posted: August 14 2011 at 22:12
|
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English". In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f".. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vordskontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas. -------------
|
Posted By: Earendil
Date Posted: August 14 2011 at 22:32
|
That last one was clever.
|
Posted By: colorofmoney91
Date Posted: October 02 2011 at 10:14
|
Q: What's really brown and sticky? A: A stick. ------------- http://hanashukketsu.bandcamp.com" rel="nofollow - Hanashukketsu |
Posted By: Andy Webb
Date Posted: October 02 2011 at 16:46
|
Q: What happens when a piano falls down a mine shaft? A: A♭ minor ------------- http://ow.ly/8ymqg" rel="nofollow">
|
Posted By: presdoug
Date Posted: November 15 2011 at 13:11
|
I have trouble with fractions about 4 out of 3 times a day
|
Posted By: AtomicCrimsonRush
Date Posted: November 18 2011 at 09:08
|
no -------------
|
Posted By: irrelevant
Date Posted: November 18 2011 at 09:38
|
George Bush. ------------- https://gabebuller.bandcamp.com/" rel="nofollow - New album! http://www.progarchives.com/artist.asp?id=7385" rel="nofollow - http://www.progarchives.com/artist.asp?id=7385 |
Posted By: presdoug
Date Posted: November 19 2011 at 12:48
|
What did the Hearing Specialist say to his patients during the Holiday Season? Merry Christmas and a Happy New Ear! |
Posted By: Horizons
Date Posted: November 19 2011 at 13:40
 ------------- Crushed like a rose in the riverflow. |
Posted By: Andy Webb
Date Posted: November 19 2011 at 18:14
 ------------- http://ow.ly/8ymqg" rel="nofollow">
|
Posted By: Luna
Date Posted: November 19 2011 at 18:17
|
What has 2 legs and bleeds? Half a dog What's invisible and red? No tomatoes ------------- https://aprilmaymarch.bandcamp.com/track/the-badger" rel="nofollow">
|
Posted By: presdoug
Date Posted: November 19 2011 at 20:55
|
^There! That joke was so quick you didn't even see it! |
Posted By: AtomicCrimsonRush
Date Posted: November 20 2011 at 00:43
|
BWAHAHAHAHAH -------------
|